So this guys walks into a bar with an ostrich.....

[Captain Ahab Jr]

and ask's the bar man.....

Not sure what they ordered and the title isn't the start of a joke as I saw it happen yesterday while walking about a European capital city

Ostrich didn't look full grown but was still huge, it was very well behaved and not phased at all by the crowds of people with their jaws on the floor confused:

My dog was as unsure about what we saw as I was, the ostrich happily walked about with his owner (wish my dog was as good off the lead ) and seemed completely relaxed

I then watched them go into a bar/coffee shop using a side door rather than the tricky revolving front door. There were a couple of young kids sat down inside as they both sauntered up to the bar, the look on their faces was priceless

[HardDrive]

Love it.

[porsche tech]

Funny!

[KFC911]

LOL....I'm pretty sure my dawg would have "went off"

[pavulon]

When mature, I'd not trust it...at all.

[masraum]

I'm not saying that ostriches are "safe" birds

The flightless ostrich is the largest living bird on Earth. Native to Africa, ostriches inhabit in savannas, deserts and grasslands across the continent. A fully grown ostrich weigh upto 150 kg and stands 6 feet in height. At a top speed of 43 mph, they are also the fastest bird in the world. But the most important thing you need to know about this powerful bird is with one kick they could kill a human.

The long, powerful legs are the main weapon of an ostrich. Unlike other birds, ostriches have only two toes on each foot. The talons on each foot measure upto 4 inches in length.

With these powerful legs, ostriches can outrun their predators. If needed, they also use powerful kicks to escape from the predators such as lion and leopards. To your surprise, a powerful kick of an ostrich could kill a lion or a human.

So, you need to be very careful on approaching ostriches. Don’t provoke them or disturb the younger ones. An attack could end in critical injuries or even death.

but at least it wasn't a cassowary. If you see one of these, leave the area.

Southern cassowary is probably the most dangerous living bird in the world. It’s a bird which could definitely cause a fatal attack on humans, just like ostriches. Considering the size, Southern Cassowary is the second largest bird in the world – weigh between up to 190 pounds and over 5 feet in height. Like ostriches, the legs are the most powerful weapon of cassowaries.

There are three toes on each leg of cassowaries. These toes are equipped with 5 inches long razor-sharp claws. So, a single strike from a Southern cassowary could result in breaking of bones, critical injuries or even death.

Unprovoked attack from cassowaries is rare. If provoked or feel as a threat to their chicks, cassowaries would definitely attack. The method of attacking itself that makes cassowary attacks so dangerous – they can strike in both forward and downward direction.

Also, cassowaries are known to jump top of the victim. In such a case injuries can be very critical or may even result in death.

[Bill Douglas]

Guy walks into a bar with an ostrich.

Guy orders a meal and a drink, asks the ostrich what she wants and she says "Sounds great, I'll have the same."

Same bar, same situation a few times...

Bar lady says "How come you always come to the bar with an ostrich, and what's more why does it always want the same drink and meal as you choose?"

Guy says "I was given one wish by a genie and I asked for a long legged bird that agrees with everything I say."

[oldE]

Perfect, Bill.
I was hoping someone would come up with that old one!

Cheers.
Les

[Tervuren]

Strangely colored lalafel sized chocobo.

[Bugsinrugs]

It seems to only have one leg....named Eileen is my guess.

[Jim Richards]

You guys are killing it! Thanks!

[f5niac]

No legs and she'd be Consuelo !

[Crowbob]

Not long ago Florida man got killed by his pet cassowary. Disemboweled him with one lightening fast kick, IIRC.

[Bill Douglas]

Originally Posted by oldE

Perfect, Bill.
I was hoping someone would come up with that old one!

Cheers.
Les

Thanks. I've only got about twelve jokes and have been busting to use this one.

[WPOZZZ]

Originally Posted by Bugsinrugs

It seems to only have one leg....named Eileen is my guess.

In Japan, she'd be Irene.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

Thanks. I've only got about twelve jokes and have been busting to use this one.

I only know two....one is funny as hell, and only Richard Pryor could tell it. The other....

A termite walks into a bar and asks....

Is the bar tender here?

booooooo....hissssssss....booooo

[Icemaster]

Not sure, that might be an emu...WTF do I know about dinosaur chickens.

Mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender yells at him "Get outa here, we don't server your kind!"

Mushroom says "What's the deal? I'm a fungi!"


You gotta say it out loud.

[Bill Douglas]

LOL

A friend's daughter told me this one. She's about eight.

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.

The guy has one or two drinks but the giraffe is just downing them. After half an hour the giraffe is getting a bit wobbly on his feet and lies down and falls asleep.

The guy has had enough of the giraffe and his bad drinking behaviour, and starts to walk out.

The barman says "You can't leave that lyin' there." Guy says "it's not a lion it's a giraffe."


She was about eight...

[GH85Carrera]

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy. The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter. The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The English guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle". "Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?" "Sure", Says the Englishman. The American rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie. The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish. About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are many thousands of them.

The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks". The Englishman says "Well do you really think I wished for a 12 inch BIC?".

[Bill Douglas]

Lol