Introverts

[legion]

So my post in the F1 thread got me thinking...

I feel like introverts are misunderstood. I feel like we're in the minority in society. Because of the way we function, we are often taken as rude or socially awkward (and we can be).

For me, being an introvert means that I "recharge" in my alone time, and I need a lot of it to function. I become stressed out when I don't have enough alone, quiet time. For the past two years, I've sat in a large, noisy conference room at work. My stress levels have risen steadily to the point that I am actively seeking another position. Prior to this, I had a cubicle in a quiet corner, and had virtually no stress from work. When I have quiet, I can get into "the zone" and maintain very high productivity for hours. I can get done about 4 times the work of coworkers when I'm in the zone. I leave work feeling fresh and accomplished. When I'm in a noisy environment, I'm constantly distracted from what I'm doing, find myself reading the same sentence for 30 minutes and making frequent mistakes. My frustration with myself and the environment steadily increase over time. Being on lockdown, my stress levels have dropped to near zero as I'm back in a quiet work environment.

After work, I usually go to the gym and have a quiet, two hour workout. It's not unusual for me not to speak to another person the entire time I'm at the gym. I'll usually throw on an hour-long drama while I spend the first hour doing cardio and just get absorbed in the story while I forget about myself for awhile.

Socially, I've realized some things about myself. Namely, I'm not a social person. The last time I had a birthday party was when I was 13. I don't even tell other people when my birthday is because I don't really want to be bothered all day about it. In college, I realized that I liked staying in and hanging out with my roommates more than going out to bars. I check Facebook like once a month, and honestly read like 5 posts before I'm done. I don't have any close friends. Part of it is that I don't trust other people, and part of it is that that I seem to like other people less the more I know about them. If for some reason I find myself at a party, I'm probably going to find a quiet corner to pass the time until I can leave.

In my 20's, I used to find myself backing out of social engagements last minute sometimes. Even things I'd been looking forward to for weeks or months and made preparations to do, I'd just decide not to go to at the last minute. I've come to realize that I can simulate being social and being and extrovert, but it takes a lot of energy out of me and I need some extra alone time to recharge if I do it. I now understand that I'd back away from social engagements (and make an excuse about suddenly being sick or something to cover if I had to) because I'd just run out of energy for being social. I don't have social anxiety, it's just something I don't enjoy and have a limited capacity for. I also don't go to concerts, bars, or big sporting events (with the occasional exception for racing) as I just don't like crowds and paying a lot of money to be in a large crowd is a double negative as far as I'm concerned.

I know I've rudely bailed on people or made transparently lame excuses in the past. I know that some people have taken offense. It honestly doesn't bother me much. It's not that I want to hurt other people's feelings, but sometimes its the only way to stop the repeated invites to things I have no intention of doing. Many extroverts assume that everyone else is like them and craves attention and being around tons of other people.

I will say that this whole lockdown thing doesn't bother me much. Sure, I have a major problem with the idea that government thinks it has the right to restrict my rights in such a way without due process. But I don't really miss physically going to work and having to force pleasant interactions with coworkers when I'm not always up for it. I like that the roads and stores are empty. I like that there is zero expectation that I show up for your social thing.

[Paul T]

I am 100% like you in the work environment. I need virtually total silence and when I'm in the right conditions, I outwork anyone and am incredibly productive. Well, was....I'm now retired. Any noise/convos etc., around me and I just can't concentrate. Maybe I'm just too nosy about what everyone else is talking about, I don't know. My wife is the complete opposite - we are fortunate enough to have separate offices at home since we work very differently.

Socially though, I'm a bit different. My initial reaction to most invites/events is that I don't want to go, but I find if I force myself that I always have fun and am glad I went. I go to bars and grab a beer or two just about every weekend (until recently!) and I almost always will talk up someone. So, I guess I'm not that much of an introvert socially, but work wise, very much so. All that said, this isolation hasn't bothered me really at all, but I do miss those weekend bar outings! I wonder if more people will want to work from home after this is all over. I used to love working from home - best of both worlds and I always got more done (and worked longer) than if I was physically in the office. I've always value time alone and it's never really bothered me. I lived alone for a lot of years, never felt lonely.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Introvert here as well.

Other than the fact there is a pandemic going on, and people are suffering/dying physically and financially-

I've enjoyed the recent changes. Granted, it would be nice if the restaurants could be open, but overall (current catastrophe unfolding), I'm in a much better mood. Socially, it would be nice to see certain people a little more, but professionally, really glad to have a break from the distractions and effort it takes to do things in a collective.

edit- I will say, the fact that it's springtime is helping a bit. If this was unfolding in late fall/early winter, I might be a little more poopy....naw...I'd still relish it.

[Evans, Marv]

I'm sort of like you guys. When I'd spend three to four months at a ranger station in the mountains, people would ask me if I got lonely. I never was and have always gotten along fine in solitude. But I seem to have a switch that turns on when I get into a situation (like teaching, giving workshops, sales, etc., etc.) in a work or social environment where I become interactive and productive - even dynamic. Of course this mostly refers to when I was working. That occurred to me one time when someone I was working with doing workshops was talking to some others about being animated. He described how he'd seen me "flip a switch" walking into the room with a group of waiting people. When not in that kind of environment, I'm pretty solitary.

[flipper35]

We could be friends as I am mostly the same way. I don't have to have silence. Music or TV in the background works for me, but people drive me crazy. I hate going to the work potlucks or meetings in the conference room. Especially when you have "people" persons boistering about before the meeting. I got into IT since computers are pretty black and white, but now am n a position I have to interact with people. I can't stand to eat at places like Texas Roadhouse or Applebee's (no loss here) with the loud music and nothing to absorb the sound.

Our CEO once told us in one of our meetings to be ourselves. I told her I disagreed with that because we have to be professional and nice to each other. I told her that none of them should know which ones drive me to want to drive a pike through my skull and which people I can tolerate. She saw my point. I get along least with those outgoing, loud people. Especially those that want to be everyone's friend. I hate those people.

Alas, I am not allowed to bring a cattle prod to work. Fortunately, I have an office off in the corner away from everyone.

All that said, with one or two people I am good. I have few good friends, maybe a couple accomplices but many associates. LAN parties is one of the few gatherings I tolerate, but that is because I can virtually kill them.

[fastfredracing]

I am so much like that ..
I was just going to post, that I am actually somewhat enjoying this down time. I have not really been letting anybody into the building, and working less hours. My interactions with people other than my family has been minimal .
It is going to be hard to go back to the way it was when this is all over, and you know what? I may not.
Im the same at work. I am superman if I am just left alone to do what I need to do, and I usually get into the groove and enjoy it . As soon as people start stopping in , asking questions and wanting to hang out, I feel my internal frustration build to a crescendo.
I've probably come off like a dk a few times in my life. Sometimes, when people are generally being friendly, I just want them out of my space . Some people are downright invasive . I battle them. I always have .
My kid has a diagnosis as Autistic, and I see a lot of me in him . I don't know if it is related or not .
I am a friendly guy, and love to shoot the breeze, but there are times when I honest to goodness, just cannot deal with people . I become this guy if it is forced on me and Im not in the right place in my head .
Glad to hear there are others , and maybe I am not a spaz?

[oldE]

I get a kick out of reading these. I too prefer peace and quiet, but found I have a "switch "I can flip when I am performing.
I have probably had fewer than a half dozen good friends in my life. I'm okay with that.

Best
Les

[flipper35]

I can talk in front of people or present at meetings. I am paid to do that. I am paid to be professional with our staff as well. With music, I love jam sessions but hate playing in front of people. Ask my daughter though (who plays bass with me) I am NOT an introvert on stage. If I have to be up there I am at least going to have some fun.

[KFC911]

LOL Chris....you're a freakin' extrovert compared to me . In fact, all of you guys are

I'm good with that...

[JavaBrewer]

I am an introvert by nature. Fun thread. I overcame my affliction by marrying a redhead. It's been a rollercoaster for sure. Would not change anything!

[wildthing]

I’m an introvert. I prefer online forums. If we agree to meet I will be the quiet one.

[wdfifteen]

Another introvert here. It’s not that I don’t have things to say, I just don’t like socializing. Ten minutes into a conversation and I’m wondering if it will ever end. I don’t find most people endlessly fascinating, plus I’m not comfortable at conversing. All my life I’ve been a writer. My method is to throw something on the page and come back and develop it and edit it. So in conversation half of my attention is on what I’m saying now and half is busy editing what I just said. Get a couple of martinis in me and I can make a real fool of myself.
MrWD is the opposite. She has never met anyone that she can’t start an hour long conversation with and learn something interesting about them. Watching her I realize how much I miss out on by not being curious about strangers.

[A930Rocket]

Without introverts, there would be no extroverts.

While thinking it would be nice to be an extrovert, I enjoy the quiet. I rarely watch tv and if I do, it’s the Science Channel, History channel, or a car channel. I would just rather read and keep to myself.

At work, building homes, I interact all day with multiple people..subs, vendors, agents, etc. I get home and just want piece and quiet.

[RSBob]

Boy can I ever relate to 95% of the comments above. For most of my life I enjoyed being with people but hated making small talk. Was afraid of being judged by saying something stupid, so usually kept my mouth shut (- read, self conscious and esteem issues.)

In corporate life, I took public speaking and presentation skills classes which forced me out of my shell. For three years I was a corporate software trainer, flying up and down the west coast teaching all day classes for classes up to 60 people. Teaching taught me that I can keep people engaged, listening and laughing and all I had to do was relax and be myself. That was a super confidence builder. Later I was doing project management with teams up 100 for months on end. Later I worked as a technical requirements analyst, working with internal departments and developers and testers to create programmatic solutions by leading multi-team conference calls.

To make a way too long story shorter, I was able to force myself out of my shell and now am comfortable in groups, dinner parties and with chatting with perfect strangers. But deep down inside, I still feel the insecurity until I get into the social situation and get my footing and then it evaporates. So take heart fellow introvert, shy folks, if you want, it can be overcome.

[ckelly78z]

I tend not to talk in a group, but would rather listen. I NEED my quiet/alone time, and recharge by heading to my shop in the barn...many times, I can spend hours out there without turning the radio, or TV on, just wrenching on a tractor, or just cleaning/organizing. I keep lists of projects I have to do, and feel a sense of accomplishment when I can scratch on off my list.

I have a prototype job for an automotive suspension supplier, and have a big work machine shop, that I am the only one present most of the time. I can go hours without speaking to anyone, without guilt, and never gush on about my private life like so many others do.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by JavaBrewer

I overcame my affliction by marrying a redhead.

Pretty and a killer smile. Lucky you.

Rollercoaster. Heh heh. I won't even ask.

[gacook]

OP describes me to a "T." Wife is just starting to understand. "Fun" part for me is I'm in charge of a 20+ person team, so HAVE to interact all day long, solve their problems, be generally positive, happy, and motivate them to push themselves harder. At the end of every day, I am utterly exhausted. Before this job, I was in instructor, teaching certain types of equipment. Most of my adult life, I've had to be an extrovert in order to succeed in my career field. Still, usually only happy alone or with my very closest 1 or 2 friends.

[RKDinOKC]

Went to a management class. Took a short test. Instructor gave a value for each answer. Had everyone with a lower score go stand on his left side. It was about 20% of the class. Then had everyone with a high score stand on his right side, 20%.

Had everyone notice the left side had unconsciously arranged themselves from short to tall and were attentively paying attention to the instructor. On the right side they were just bunched up talking and not paying attention. The left side was the introverts, on his right were extroverts and were talking amongst themselves to find whom was making the most money.

I've always thought is was hilarious.

[Geronimo '74]

Any introverts know their Meyers Briggs personality type?

[IROC]

I'm the same way. This is almost hard to admit, but I don't have any close friends. None. I don't really know anybody that I feel I could call and and say, "Hey can you come over, I need some help with something.". There are probably plenty of people who would, I just couldn't bring myself to call them.

I was extremely shy as a child. I sort of grew out of that (or learned to deal with it) but to this day I have this weird (according to my wife) defense mechanism where I keep people at a distance.

The odd thing is that people who know me think I'm a happy-go-lucky guy. Not really. I am pleasant and friendly, but almost incapable of small talk. I just don't seem to be able to do it.

But...I am awesome at getting up in front of large groups and speaking. I recently gave a talk in front of the entire engineering organization at my facility (probably 75 people) and was "in my element". I travel internationally and give talks and sit on review panels and somehow pull it off. But, inside I'm freaking out and dread every trip.

Another pelican works with me at my facility. It would be interesting to get his feedback.