Projects at home, husbands don't care anymore?

[VINMAN]

A disturbing trend I've been noticing with my home improvement business, is the lack of, and total absence of involvement by "the man of the house". Even with major projects such as a deck, similar work. A large number of jobs, I'm dealing solely with the wife. The husbands have no say or don't care. I don't even speak with them on whats going on or what they want.

What gives??

[flatbutt]

I'm as stumped as you Vinnie.

[fanaudical]

Good question. Certainly not the case in my house...

[Brian 162]

Happy wife happy life

If the job goes sideways the husband is off the hook.

[rfuerst911sc]

Too many men are now pussies !!! They would rather go shopping than be involved in a project .

[Alan A]

Better you get blamed than them.
You get to go home.

There’s no win doing projects.
And I’m someone that does almost everything themselves.

[varmint]

Bought a fixer upper. And have been busting my ass getting it sorted out.
‘
But my wife wanted hardwood floors. After a month of increasingly erratic demands I decided to just hand her the checkbook and let some contractor suffer through it.

[cabmandone]

Then there's guys like me who say "whatever you want honey" and let her make the calls. It's not that I don't care. It's that if it was her idea, she makes the calls and I just write the check. What I want is my wife to be happy so if it's her idea I let her run the show. If she wants my input, she'll nag it outta me

[Alan A]

I just put paint on a wall. Literally just sat down.
My wife picked it.
Bought it.
Brought it home.

I put it on the wall.
It’s still my fault it isn’t the color she wanted.

That’s why contractor...

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by VINMAN

A disturbing trend I've been noticing with my home improvement business, is the lack of, and total absence of involvement by "the man of the house". Even with major projects such as a deck, similar work. A large number of jobs, I'm dealing solely with the wife. The husbands have no say or don't care. I don't even speak with them on whats going on or what they want.

What gives??

Some guys just can't stand the disruption and mayhem of a house project...plus discussing details leads to conflicts that can place a strain on a marriage.

Some years back, when Cindy just "needed" an extensive kitchen remodel, I packed my bags and pool cue and left for a few weeks. "Call me when it's done, dear."

[ckelly78z]

I am the stiff doing all the work, and making 50% of the decisions....
-new 10x16 barn style greenhouse.
-complete downstairs full bath tear down/rebuild
-new predator proof chicken coop
-all car maintenance
-painting/remodeling projects

[onewhippedpuppy]

Dunno, we don’t cross paths because I’m the moron doing the work.

[john70t]

Originally Posted by varmint

After a month of increasingly erratic demands....

And there it is.

[aigel]

I think it is the home improvement TV shows and social media that have this effect. Wives are suddenly interested in remodeling projects and the guy is staying the eff away. Pretty smart move IMHO unless you do the whole thing yourself, it will just be on you if something goes sideways.

I kid you not ... I know a guy, whole house exterior painted. Paint wasn't to wife's liking. So they had it painted again the "correct" color. That right there would have been a divorce for me. And yes, he is miserable.

G

[Embraer]

My next door neighbors (husband and wife and two little ones) literally have a service provider at their house 4-5 days a week. I'm certain that if they need a lightbulb changed....they call somebody.

[aigel]

^^^ I can't imagine how much that will cost.

Here we have a lot of people bringing it service for everything. Yard, cleaning, exterminator, dog groomer, dog poop remover (YES, indeed!). It is amazing. Often households with a bunch of able bodied children in the right age group.

G

[look 171]

Originally Posted by aigel

I think it is the home improvement TV shows and social media that have this effect. Wives are suddenly interested in remodeling projects and the guy is staying the eff away. Pretty smart move IMHO unless you do the whole thing yourself, it will just be on you if something goes sideways.

I kid you not ... I know a guy, whole house exterior painted. Paint wasn't to wife's liking. So they had it painted again the "correct" color. That right there would have been a divorce for me. And yes, he is miserable.

G

I got lots of those stories, George.

Here's one that I think it pretty exciting, sad and had me scratching my head? Not husband and wife, but a couple of wealthy gay men. About 15 years ago, I did lots of work for this group of guys in West Hollywood one house after another for 5 years, none stop. Everyone involved from designers to the people provided the curtains were gay. All construction folks were not gay but not that this matters. The second project, was the biggest and most expensive. Its a condo right outside of Bev. Hills. He wanted a pen house and connected two units together making it as one. This was now a 4000sq' unit that took up half the floor space on the top story of this building. We went to Mexico to have these 8' tall, thick Mahogany like lumber, hand carved doors made. We tested stain after stain with owner, architect and interior designer. Once decided, samples signed, we go and get her done. One visitation from the interior designer after the doors were installed, he decided he didn't like the color. Meeting was called the very same day. I am thinking, fook me. This one is gonna to hurt. He looked at the owner and said, "Rey, I think its the wrong color. It should be lighter or natural?" I am now shivering because if he blames me, then I am out close to 40k just on those damn doors. I know they aint gonna to like the doors stripped so naturally, I was afraid to say, siht can them and start over is the best way to not have any weird stain residual on it. the owner didn't even blink, and said, "go ahead" Let replace them. Wrote a check the next day. You don't want to divorce that one. He's a keeper Tell you the truth, I like those guys, they were really good people to work with.

[look 171]

Originally Posted by Embraer

My next door neighbors (husband and wife and two little ones) literally have a service provider at their house 4-5 days a week. I'm certain that if they need a lightbulb changed....they call somebody.

A neighbor call me once from the other side of the hill. I am told he got my number from another neighbor that I know nothing about. "Water is squirting out of the faucet, I don't know what to do, come fast". I was having dinner and told the guy to open the cabinet and shut off the angle stops to cut the water. He said "no, you do it, that's what I am paying you to do. Come fast, I know you are only a couple min. away. I don't know what to do". I can hear him panic but I kept trying to tell him to get after the angle stops but he refused. Finally, I told him that my fee to get out to him is 250 bucks, hoping he will go away and I didn't like his attitude. He begged me and was willing to pay anything. I show up and see his wife on all fours with all kinds of towels trying to contain the water. I open up the cabinet doors and turn the valve handle 1/4 turn, water stops. He comes out a min later with a check for 250.00 and ask me when can I change his faucet. I politely told him that's not what we do, and I will do his this favor, refuse to take his money, I like to go back to having dinner with my family. I wanted to be the last one to do the slapping. He was shocked that I refuse the money and refuse to change out his broken faucet. He asked, you don't need to make money? I smiled and shook his hand and left. Young men in his late 30-early 40s. Some people...

[look 171]

Vinny,

I found most men are interested in the bottom dollar amount, don't care about the color of the walls much but are interested in the outcome of the project but not so much the finer details. I talk to the both of them, but sometimes the wives of these men aren't there at these meetings. When it comes down the finer details, like multiple shower heads / jets or cabinets back splash, knobs and such, I almost always talk to the wives, as the dumb husband listens in and usually not make a sound because they know their wives will cut theirs dicks off if they so much try and refuse that second shower or the hidden shampoo niche behind the pony wall. I found most men are OK with a pipe with dripping water as long as they can clean themselves in a shower. Women will want, muti-body jets, dual showers heads, with auto adj, temp shower controls. Stereotype or not, but that's been my experience.




Up to this point of the renovation, I only met the wife twice. First meeting and when framing was completed on the walk through. I meet with the husband weekly. Since there's a interior designer involve, I don't expect to see much of the wife but will pull her in the meetings on the bath. There's a couple of things I dislike from the designer that I think it could be done better. I know, I am stepping on some toes, but its my job, can't let a mistake go.

[aigel]

Oh man - Jeff! LOL!!!

I live in a happy marriage but I have to say, DIY home improvement projects are not fun and lead to friction. Part of it is because I have a full time job, so it happens in my spare time when I'd rather do something else. The other part is that it happens in my house where everyone lives and if I don't finish in reasonable time, there is hardship. Such as living with one bathroom for too long.

For me, I look forward buying a fixer and doing the work myself as a full time assignment. Between jobs or early in retirement. Wife can come by and give her two cents, pick the colors and whatever, and I can take my sweet time because we will still live in our other house. THAT is the way to go.

So, again, I think guys with a crazy remodzilla wife are very wise just staying the hell away!

G