Need some Grandpa advice

[Bill Douglas]

Take the porsche instead of the daily driver, that way a four hour trip becomes a two hour trip

[jrj3rd]

Always wanted to ask new Grandmothers who think they need to see the grandkids so often how they would have felt if their own mothers, (or MIL) inserted themselves into their lives as a new Mom how they would have felt. Let the kids know you are there if they invite you but don't invite yourselves to drop in every other weekend....

[HaroldMHedge]

I understand the issue I'm a step-grandfather as well. When my grandson was born I was lucky because we were half way around the world. Grandma and I were in Malaysia and the grandson arrived in Washington state so constant travel would not work out. There are a number of ways to visually communicate without being there in person (ex. Facetime & Line. Your wife should learn how to use them.

I feel gifted since my grandson's blood grandfathers have passed away due to illnesses and I'm able to guide him.

[RKDinOKC]

Mom always went and stayed with daughter/inlaw for first couple of months home with new baby. Then stayed off and on.

[WPOZZZ]

My niece is happy with the covid restrictions. She has all the freedom to come and go as she pleases and to raise her baby how she wants to. Mom is in Japan and can't get a plane to Hawaii.

[jhynesrockmtn]

How does your step daughter feel about family around constantly? I love my grand kids and my son to death but if I showed up on his doorstep every other weekend..... I can see his eyes rolling from across the country. People need space to raise their family.

It probably won't wear off, not with Grandma competition at play.

[smadsen]

Grand-kids don't really become fun for guys until they can carry on the rudiments of a conversation. Now I bike ride with the five y/o a couple days a week. He's always waiting for me in the driveway wearing his "hat," reflecto sunglasses, gloves, & long sleeve tee-shirt, just like grandpa. We ride to coffee with the guys, a bunch of 70-something retirees. We sit in a social distance circle at the park and he has hot chocolate. The guys include him in the conversation. He's part of the pack.

Training wheels came off the tooner-ville bike last week.

You know the jump-seats in a 911 were made for 5 y/o's & dogs.

[fintstone]

We live across the country from our first grandchild and really don't like hotels...so we bought a vacation home nearby. It has worked out well so far. It was painful after a while when we had to stay in their house even though they had room. Now, both wife and daughter seem ok with less/shorter visits at her house as being nearby more is enough. I can stay home and work or relax sometimes. I have an office set up and a big garage. I bought al the same dishes, silverware, towels, pots and pans, coffee maker, etc. as home...so it doesn't change a thing for me except I get to visit different local restaurants...and I can combine the furnishings and stuff with that at our other residence later if we get rid of one. It was a little bit of a "fixer-upper" so I look to make some money on the deal eventually, but paying utilities, taxes, lawn care, etc. do add up. I can go there for weeks at a time and telework if I want...and it is a nice break.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by jrj3rd

Always wanted to ask new Grandmothers who think they need to see the grandkids so often how they would have felt if their own mothers, (or MIL) inserted themselves into their lives as a new Mom how they would have felt.

About 5 years ago friend of mine insisted on going to stay with her son and DIL to "help" with their new baby. They lived in Hong Kong, in an apartment about the size of an American bathroom. It didn't go well. DIL hasn't spoken to her in 5 years.

[rattlsnak]

Time to by a small plane.. or move. your choice..

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

How does your step daughter feel about family around constantly? I love my grand kids and my son to death but if I showed up on his doorstep every other weekend..... I can see his eyes rolling from across the country. People need space to raise their family.

This. So much this.

Tell her she needs to wait for an invitation and that she doesn't want to be "that grandma."

[fred cook]

I'm in the same spot. My daughter in law is expecting (early December) and we also live about 4 1/2 hrs drive away. The other grandma lives close to my son and his wife. The good news for us is that my son and DIL are in the process of buying a much larger house so no camping out at a hotel for us! My wife is deathly afraid that she will get cut out of her due "grandma" time with the new baby so it looks like we will be doing a lot of road time soon!

[NY65912]

My grandsons age 4.5, 3.5 and 4 months have become the single most important thing for my wife and I.

My son lives a ¼ mi away and my daughter 15 min away. My wife and I see our grandchildren every weekend. Sure, this cuts down on my work around the house or P car time but I figure there are only so many days that they'll be this age and only so many days that I'll still be around.

But, I digress. Yes, the mother will always want to be close to her daughter, especially when there is a new baby around. I agree, take the P car, it will make the drive more enjoyable.

Good Luck

[Zeke]

I wouldn't be living in the "Sewer by the Sea" if this weren't true.

[Norm K]

Prepare yourself for the move.

_

[masraum]

Can Grandma go stay for longer here and there, maybe for a week or a couple/few weeks at a time?

That might help. Then you can have bachelor time.

Our grandkids live about 45 mins away, but our daughter works 2-3 miles from us, so she drops the 2 boys off 5 days a week and my wife watches them Mon-Fri, 50-60 hours/wk. They are just over 1 and 4. It's a joy to have them around.

[3rd_gear_Ted]

Realize as a grandparent; your only relevant till they are teenagers.
Enjoy them while you can

[rockfan4]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

How does your step daughter feel about family around constantly? I love my grand kids and my son to death but if I showed up on his doorstep every other weekend..... I can see his eyes rolling from across the country. People need space to raise their family.

It probably won't wear off, not with Grandma competition at play.

This is something I thought of, but I'm not sure how to bring it up without starting a fight. We're going to visit and drop off some stuff in a couple of weeks, so I'll have to find time to talk to my stepdaughter without her mom around. It will blow up in my face if I bring it up, but hopefully not if she starts the topic.

Thanks everyone for your advise so far.

The idea of driving the Porsche is desirable, but with as much stuff as Grandma is buying for the baby I'm going to have to upgrade from a pickup to a semi.

[Scott Douglas]

One of our four granddaughters is 90 minutes/miles away. The other three are in Japan. Our daughter is pretty much doing it all on her own as her hubby is so busy working.
My wife stayed with our son and his wife when they had their kid, for the first week. Daughter-in-law appreciated it a lot since her mom isn't really the helpful type when it comes to kids. My wife was born to it. We just spent last weekend with our son's daughter. 2-yrs-old and going on 4 if you know what I mean. Super smart that one.
Be sure to let/have your wife drive at least both ways one or two times so she can see how the drive isn't all that relaxing. My wife has done the 90 mile drive a couple times herself so no worries there for me.

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by Zeke

I wouldn't be living in the "Sewer by the Sea" if this weren't true.

word

I am within 5 minutes for the oldest, 10 minutes for two, thirty minutes for the twins. Very handy for when my ex-wife is ostensibly watching the kids that day

Originally Posted by 3rd_gear_Ted

Realize as a grandparent; your only relevant till they are teenagers.
Enjoy them while you can

Yes, got to get in there and bond early.