Need some Grandpa advice

[rockfan4]

How did I get here? 10 years ago I was a fun loving, single guy, without a care in the world.
Now I'm married and my step-daughter is expecting her first child in January.
The issue is that they live about 4 hours from us, and my wife doesn't want to be "The grandma 4 hours away". She says she wants to visit every other weekend, because apparently no mother ever has raised a child without the help of her own mother, and even though the son-in-law's mother lives only a few minutes away, and seems to have raised two men who turned out fairly normal, we HAVE TO go there.

Is this going to wear off? I'm not looking forward to a 4 hour drive every other Friday night, two nights in a hotel, and then another 4 hour drive on Sunday. Before you ask, my stepdaughter lives in a fairly small house with two dogs and two cats, and I'm allergic to cats, so staying there is out.

[rusnak]

Tell her that you'll train the kid to go get your beer out of the 'fridge, cook BBQ, and take the dog outside. Basically like a servant.

[Bill Verburg]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

How did I get here? 10 years ago I was a fun loving, single guy, without a care in the world.
Now I'm married and my step-daughter is expecting her first child in January.
The issue is that they live about 4 hours from us, and my wife doesn't want to be "The grandma 4 hours away". She says she wants to visit every other weekend, because apparently no mother ever has raised a child without the help of her own mother, and even though the son-in-law's mother lives only a few minutes away, and seems to have raised two men who turned out fairly normal, we HAVE TO go there.

Is this going to wear off? I'm not looking forward to a 4 hour drive every other Friday night, two nights in a hotel, and then another 4 hour drive on Sunday. Before you ask, my stepdaughter lives in a fairly small house with two dogs and two cats, and I'm allergic to cats, so staying there is out.

Not in my experience

[vash]

Maybe it’s because the other grandma is there? Grandma squatting is a problem . Your wife might be wanting her FaceTime.

I think your heart will melt once you see/meet the kid. Buy a tiny condo?


Congrats grandpa.

[billybek]

Originally Posted by Bill Verburg

Not in my experience

Lol, Bill isn't pulling any punches here...

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Bill Verburg

Not in my experience

Nor mine. However, Skype can be useful. Plus there is a special glow in my heart whenever I visit my G-kids and they RUN down the driveway to greet me.

[stevej37]

give it a try...you might be surprised how quickly your outlook changes.

[Seahawk]

If either of my children have children my wife will move

I think the grandma gene is a super power, especially with a daughter and the first grandchild with the grandma competition having the home court advantage.

One question, can she go alone? Four hours is an easy day.

[monoflo]

First Grandchild --always a pull. I have 5 g kids and Im still closest to the first -whos now 18.
Your wife is being pulled by her daughter -- the dads pull not so much.
The modern stuff like Facetime will help a lot.

Wont hurt for her to go alone.

When the kid is like two it really is fun --infants --well you know.

[rockfan4]

Originally Posted by vash

Buy a tiny condo?

I've thought about this, but the wife also has to have two stupid dogs, who are staring at me right now because they think it's time to feed them, but it's not.
Finding a condo that accepts pets is difficult, but I would know the bed would be comfortable, nobody killed a hooker in it recently, and the sheets would be clean.
I'll have to run the numbers on utilities, taxes and HOA fees vs 4 nights a month in a hotel. We also wouldn't have to kennel the dogs.

I'm going to try to teach her to use a conferencing app, but it will be a struggle. She can use Facebook and eBay, and I wish she'd stop using eBay. I just had to help her reset her Microsoft account, I have no idea what she did to screw it up.

I'm going to teach the granddaughter to belch and fart and blame it on the dog.

[stevej37]

Wow!

[Cajundaddy]

I have 5 grandkids and one great grand. Women desperately need to be a part of this whole thing and men need the newborn infant time a LOT less, so find a compromise that works for both of you. Maybe...

- Agree to go once a month and then she can go on her own the next time.
- Buy a small RV and "mooch camp" in daughters driveway when you go.
- Drop off wife at their house in the morning and find a nice golf course, race track, bike trail, hiking trail and meet back up for dinner and a little grandpa/baby squeeze time.

Be supportive but make it clear that this really is "her thing", yours not so much. Improvise, compromise, adapt, and overcome.

[Tobra]

Yeah, you need to pick up a Mini Winnie or a little travel trailer.

Does it wear off? Yeah, about the same time your heart wears out, maybe a little after.

[vash]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

I've thought about this, but the wife also has to have two stupid dogs, who are staring at me right now because they think it's time to feed them, but it's not.
Finding a condo that accepts pets is difficult, but I would know the bed would be comfortable, nobody killed a hooker in it recently, and the sheets would be clean.
I'll have to run the numbers on utilities, taxes and HOA fees vs 4 nights a month in a hotel. We also wouldn't have to kennel the dogs.

I'm going to try to teach her to use a conferencing app, but it will be a struggle. She can use Facebook and eBay, and I wish she'd stop using eBay. I just had to help her reset her Microsoft account, I have no idea what she did to screw it up.

I'm going to teach the granddaughter to belch and fart and blame it on the dog.

You are going to be an awesome grandad! Haha. Enjoy!

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

Is this going to wear off?

No. BTDT
You are important to your wife, but not THAT important. Her priority is her bloodline, and you are peripheral to that. Get used to riding in the back seat, relationship wise.

[mattdavis11]

I don't have kids, but I have step grand kids. I approach it the same way my father does, either tell her no, or they can come here.

My mom figured it out pretty quick, she either went solo, or they came to her. Sure, my dad got sucked in a time or two, but not many.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

Is this going to wear off? I'm not looking forward to a 4 hour drive every other Friday night, two nights in a hotel, and then another 4 hour drive on Sunday.

Does she have any idea what a threat this is to her marriage? Assuming you have hobbies and things you like to do in your free time, assuming you have activities you like to share with your wife that do not involve sitting in a car for hours and staying in a hotel, you can kiss half of them goodbye. She is being extremely selfish. Unless she is willing to bend this can't end well.

[pavulon]

Work a deal where you go every other time she goes or until she buys a place there for both of you to live. Eventually, she'll want to move there so make sure she buys a nice place.

[rockfan4]

We've talked about moving there after we retire, and I have no problem with that. I'd be an hour further away from Road America, but closer to Blackhawk Farms and Autobahn. Climate wise they're about the same.

I like the idea of only going every other or every third time. Of course my wife took 3 hours to drive to Platteville, it's only 2 hours away, and she had a gps.

[pavulon]

Was in La Crosse yesterday moving my oldest into a house near campus. It appears to be a really nice town!