Back in the day before sunlight caused skin cancer my dad would come home from laying bricks all day and we'd peel off sheets of dead skin from his back while he slumped over the dining room table and fell asleep.

I'll never forget it. He opened his eyes and asked us, 'What did you do all day?'

My parents just used my desire to have things as motivation to get my ass to work. As I approached 16 year old I asked dad what car I would get to drive. He said anything I can afford to pay for myself. He "made" me pay 100% of ALL COSTS of the 1960 VW bug except the insurance. He did pay for the insurance, but that was it.

As a 1960 Bug was not a car I dreamed about, and Porsches were dreamy, I started working my ass off. One full time job, and two part time jobs. I discovered driving a brand new 1974 914 2.0 was a lot more fun than a VW bug.

...have seven kids. Me, not you:D

Here is my advice, free to a good home: He needs you, like it or not. Hard to understand but easy to see if you are willing to look.

I helped two of my son's friends, one who lived with us for over a year, both off fairly ugly parental divorces and looking for a place to land without rancor or judgement.

"Sam" stayed with us for 16 months and I made work a part of his life...he started off a bit like your guy, Asphalt, but got it. I was, btw, not easy on him. It is my opinion that they prefer, in their way, direction.

Sam is half Filipino (his Dad) and is just a great young man. Both his parents somehow lost the bubble, which I will never understand.

He came with his girlfriend for a visit on Thanksgiving and we got misty, ALL of us. What a hug.

I wrote him his first job recommendation for a software firm and the HR woman called me and was a bit taken aback: "You really trust this young man."

"I do, with my equipment and any task...you should too."

Sam is a rocket.

The other was my son's best friend, now a former Marine and just as conniving and awesome as ever. He calls me every month.

BTW, I get the fact that you have no hook with this young man. Just something to think about. You will do the right thing.

wow. did it get dusty in here or what? some got in my eye!
\
yea, maybe have a chat with the kid first? personally, i wouldnt fault the kid for not bringing water. i would never deny another living thing a drink, ever. (water).

i have fed every young person that has worked for me. interns and such. captive audience for my yammering.

If I told a man that I hired: "...it would be a full day's work outside, to bring water, lunch, appropriate clothing, gloves."...I would very much fault him for not bringing "water, lunch, appropriate clothing, gloves."

At 17, he is old enough to join the service and defend his country, marry, sire children, go to college, etc. He is certainly old enough to be expected to follow simple directions.

I his mom, but I really blame him for calling his mom to whine...as he knew how she would react. If he had not, she would not have come. I clear leaves for 8 hours a day and I am an old man (or until long after dark on days I work. At 17, I would have cleaned up and went to work all night flipping burgers or similar (or night school/college classes),

What really erks me is the phone thing. I work for a pretty major automotive plant in paint prep. Ten years ago you'd better not be caught with your phone online, now, these kids are always texting on their damn phones instead of focusing on their process. It drives me nuts when I see them actually having conversations over their apple watch while standing between two team leaders who just look the other way because no one wants to be the "bad guy"!!! I told this one kid ,24 years old who just bought a house and girlfriend just had a baby, that for someone in that situation, he didn't seem to take his job seriously being on his apple watch and told him that maybe he needed to leave his phone in his locker if he couldn't focus on his job because of his phone. The kid agreed with me but didn't change his habits and has already been talked to about being on his phone before. One more time to get caught and he will probably be fired. I just don't get these kids today. Focus on what you are being paid to do turn the damn phone off. Ugh!!! Okay rant over. Lol.

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I can partially agree. The one word missing in your post is motivation. Whether in the garage out of sight or out there under the tree, there has to be motivation. The way I see this is the kid thought it was more important to be on the phone with his mother.

I can't put a read on that, but something ain't right. Somehow, a "Christmas bonus" wasn't it. Asking workers to bring their own water is a bit stern. Proper clothing and gear, yes. Lunch, perhaps. But what was the kid supposed to do when lunch time came around? Sit out there on the ground and eat a sandwich?

I would have done a little more in that dept. Sometimes kindness is all that is needed. Seahawk gets that.

I used to work menial jobs like the one described...and there was no "lunch time." If you stopped working for mor than a second or two, they docked your pay...and you were not called back again. It brought great shame on your family if you were reported to be lazy and not called back. They were being "kind" by hiring a poor kid and paying a decent wage in the first place. I was grateful for the work...but, it makes you appreciate real opportunity. It would be good for a lot of kids to be treated a bit less like princesses.

Finny, 5-10 minutes to eat a sammich seems reasonable, though. What's the thinking on no lunch break at all?

My son went up to the mountains to find work during Covid. He was going to be applying for jobs he had no experience in and asked me for some help with a resume. I told him to only write one line.
" I am fully capable of working 8 hours without looking at my phone."
He did as he figured it was better than lying about experience he didn't have. He got the first two jobs he applied for. Worked both of them: mountain during the day and bar at night.
My brother who hires a lot of people in a warehouse situation said he would hire anyone that had that on their resume just to see if it was possible with young people today.

Yeah, the phone thing. It is an extension of their arm. I don't see too much talking on the Apple watch I must say.

My block wall guy hired his nephew for summer job a couple year back. He was put in charge of running the cement mixer. That dam kid, maybe 23, would be on that phone all the time. He would miss putting bags of mortar in the mixer. Finally, his uncle was tired of telling him to get off the damn thing, instead he walked over, snatched the phone out of his hand and throw it in the mixer and screamed at him. That kid could only cried about his 600 dollar phone. This dude was harden, grew up in the trades, speaking half Spanish and English to this young man. He wouldn't dare to talk back.

Lot of good information.

I'll throw in another recommendation.

Just do the work yourself.

Easier that way.

I've gone through everything you wrote about with helpers in my landscaping business including not bringing drink, ibuprofen, and on their phone. I never refused drink or ibuprofen but boy did I feel like I was babysitting 30 some year olds.

Don't get me started on the phone thing......

You're trying to mentor a pampered kid.... drove up on "his" 4 wheeler and was constantly on "his" smart phone .... bet they were gifts from mom and he hadn't earned either one by working for them. At least he wasn't given a new Sig at 15 :(. You want "it" ... then earn "it" ... by working hard and getting "it" .... my parents taught me by example .... early. 17 is a very late start to have much input...

Farm type work is the solution... real work .... no moms or phones allowed!

Seahawk could have "fixed" her too ;)

Thanks all for your thoughtful and insightful replies. My response to those, not necessarily in order:

@10 years ago, I found myself becoming increasingly stressed with my full time job which was becoming more involved. Also, my side business of flipping / restoring / selling vehicles was also becoming more involved. I had too little down time. So I had very little 'free' time. As I age, I've come to understand my 'free' time is more valuable as the days go by. So I hire-out for basic / mid level chores around our house so I can have more 'free' time to enjoy my hobbies / side business as I see fit.

The second reason to hire out, specifically a teenager or early 20-something is to give back to our local community by providing tasks-for-cash and provide a supportive environment to prepare them for their next 'real' job. When I interview them, I sit down and tell them I am willing to teach them not only how to use tools, but give them freedom to problem solve. I teach them about money, salary negotiations, what cash in their hands is equivalent to if they were paid where taxes would be taken out. I give them a goal, each day that if they accomplish it (and more) they know that there is an additional 'tip' - so that is where the job(s) have built-in motivating goals in addition to the fair hourly wage which is based on their age and skill level.

The day starts with conversation, school, friend, family issues, etc. In the beginning, I do work alongside with them and talk more, explain in detail what, why and how this particular job needs done. As they progress and trust is earned I give them more freedom to do the job as they see fit. At the end of their work day or half day, I invite them into my garage and talk more. I always ask how much I owe them? Of course I already know the answer but I want them to tell me, figure their time and hours spent. Lastly, did they earn a tip? I add that most people will cheat you given any opportunity that involves money, just expect that. So they need to know what is owed by the agreement between 'employer' and employee. Knowing exactly the hours worked X their hourly wage = equals their pay.

I tell them that working for me is just like an actual job. Being timely by responding to work requests in texts, showing up 10 mins early is considered 'on-time'. That if they work all day, I will pay them for lunch if it under 20 mins. They can take longer, but it will be off the clock. I give them instructions prior as to what the work is, the environment, the time, etc. That prepares them to know what to wear, bring, etc. BTW, I tell them that anything they need, just ask me, no problem.

I stress that communication is very important, it teaches them to be good employees so to then go on later in life becoming good managers or employers.

This young man is old enough, and should be able to figure it out with or with-out his mother at this point. At this point, I give it 60/40 odds that he will not show up Saturday, backing out at the last minute. I am hopeful, that in the interim, someone from our youth group at church will contact me and be able to work as it is supposed to be a beautiful day

That's one of the reasons that I don't want to be a manager. My first reaction if someone doesn't do what they need to do is to just do it myself and write them off.

But, I think a good leader can get most folks to do what they should, work with them if they don't right away, and then write them off after exhausting other avenues. I think part of it involves understanding the motivations of various folks and being able to play to those motivations.

You're a good man, and I applaud your goal and motivation to help the community and help develop these young people and instill some good qualities in them. We need more folks like you and Seahawk that do that sort of thing. It seems that we really need that these days more than ever.

I fully understand that the mentoring you do is as valuable as getting the job done. Doing the work yourself is less hassle on you and there is no blessing from 'paying it forward'.

The one thing I will add to things said is that some helicopter mothers are extremely controlling. They manipulate with guilt and you can't ask a teen who cares about his mom to not be compassionate. She may have a host of issues (mental and/or physical). With that in mind, you need to mentor him as to about how he needs to see what is happening to him. Advise that you require his phone to be completely shut off while he is on your property. This way his mom can't guilt trip him. That will help him to gain empowerment from manipulation and will help him to develop pride in himself. If he can't or won't do that, then there is nothing more you can do except tell him your door is open if he wants to come back and meet your requirements. I think learning boundaries and job requirements is great mentoring but there is no mentoring for the kids that have it all together. This one is a challenge but you have a good heart and going a little extra (with boundaries) will be a great lesson to the kid and you will feel good that you did everything you could.

I agree with this.

Ready to work? Show up early? That's a diamond in the rough. It sounds like you found a good kid through community contacts you want to keep who is willing to work up to what his physical abilities allow but isn't being "allowed". That's not his fault.

And for god's sake don't yell at him about bringing water. Feed the kid. He's trying. It should be a good experience. I made that same mistake trying to get my slacker nephew to hustle and I think he just completely shut off. I killed the good learning and probably any possible relationship. It's a mixed up world and this new generations never had our youthful experiences. I cleaned carpets mowed lawns and paper route at 13, warehouse packaging at 15, singularly running the entire back room of a McDs during rush hour at 16, and more onwards whenever possible. I loaded up to two trailers a night to the ceiling by myself after a full school load (honors list, entire campus recycling, and several student council groups) during the day. I hustled.

Don't "fire" him yet. You need to have a talk with mom. Change direction man up and break that chain. Explain you are the boss in this scenario and can't have your employees interrupted when they are working. If he has physical issues then limit the working hours to 2-4 hours and get out there with him. You got a potential bird in the hand, and he wants to learn. Maybe the wife and you (good cop bad cop) can get through to her. IDK.

Agreed. I think there needs to be a talk with the kid about what you see as the issue (too much phone, just needs to get to work, etc....). I'm a bit on the fence about talking with the mom. If you make it her problem "YOU did this. YOUR BEHAVIOR is causing that..." then she's likely to get defensive, make you the unreasonable bad guy and say "I'm taking my boy away from the evil influence." Depending upon the person, there's likely to be a way to talk to her, but I'm not that subtle or nuanced. I'm sure there's a way to tell her that she's the problem without saying that, but I don't know what it is.

I'd start by talking to the young man, and telling him that his mom's behavior is going to harm him at this job, but more importantly at other things in the future too. Then as a last resort, I'd recommend trying to talk to the mom.

Placing myself in that kid's shoes as a parallel, there was a time a decade ago when my mother's neighbor needed some help with her lawn.
(and yes to the question you were thinking. I had a helicopter mother who loved to sabotage anything happening without her being in control)

This neighbor was a seventy year old broad and tough as nails which I respected. She said "do this do that" and I did. Jogging to get the wheel barrel and sweating. I was moving at 110% believe me.
The 'standard rate' is $25/hr but I was initially going to charge $20 total to cover my gas and food.
Probably would have done it for free. I like helping neighbors. It's that sort of thing.
But she worked herself up into a sadistic lather and lost herself a worker. I was literally running with the lawn mower as fast as I could and she's standing there shaking her head, snarling with arms folded, and continuously yelling at me to hurry up.

The moral of this story is not to over-rev your engine and kill the golden goose.