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-   -   Have to Flush yet another Teenage Helper (http://forums.pelicanparts.com/off-topic-discussions/1108146-have-flush-yet-another-teenage-helper.html)

ramonesfreak 12-07-2021 09:20 AM

i would teach the kid and his mommy a valuable lesson and fire him today before she thinks of some way to legally blame you for his back pain

then i would go get a backpack leaf blower and take care of it myself

Por_sha911 12-07-2021 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by john70t (Post 11539830)
Don't "fire" him yet. You need to have a talk with mom.

I totally disagree. The boy needs to learn to have some backbone and not allow himself to be manipulated. If you fix the problem he still has no self-worth and confidence. Plus you have opened up the possibility that she will take it out on the kid and things will get worse. Also, if the mom has been manipulating the boy with guilt, talking with her won't help. She needs professional counseling.

As an outsider there is only so much you can do but give the kid that last chance to change his like and leave the door open if and when he realizes what is going on and wants to fix his life.

john70t 12-07-2021 09:46 AM

That's probably correct (the two posts above). Only so much a person can do.
The kid was crying because he couldn't work..

asphaltgambler 12-07-2021 01:55 PM

Definitely not speaking with his mother, he is too old for that. Stay tuned to see what happens...…….

KFC911 12-07-2021 02:30 PM

I think most of us here are pretty self motivated and independent .... that kid needs to escape his "mama's boy" .... and given a chance he just might suprise us all :). Best to ya 'gambler and good luck.... you are a good guy! Let us know how it goes....

Seahawk 12-07-2021 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler (Post 11540242)
Definitely not speaking with his mother, he is too old for that. Stay tuned to see what happens...…….

Here is the what I love, you are trying to do the right thing.

That is all anyone needs to know.

The end of the journey isn’t guaranteed...I applaud you for taking it because you knew that in advance.

My best..

Baz 12-07-2021 03:55 PM

Mea culpa - this coming from a Boomer.

The old TV sitcoms were fantastic about teaching us how it works in life.

I usually use "Leave It To Beaver" as the best example but there are many more.

Most of these shows are still on but with the popularity of social media it appears the devil is winning out on what kids are being exposed to as they grow up.

Thank goodness there are still parents - as in the traditional sense.

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masraum 12-07-2021 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler (Post 11540242)
Definitely not speaking with his mother, he is too old for that. Stay tuned to see what happens...…….

My thought was that you talk to the young man and see if that helps.

If it doesn't help, and the mother is still a problem, you then go to her and tell her why you don't want him to work for you any more: "you're kid's ok, but you're behavior is interfering and is going to cause trouble. He's old enough that you don't need to be so involved. Back off." If nothing else, maybe you'd plant a seed that may eventually take root.

But, it's probably far more likely to do nothing positive and just set her off. I wouldn't talk to her myself, but then that's because I know I wouldn't be able to phrase things in a way that would do anything other than set her off.

fintstone 12-07-2021 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe (Post 11539542)
Finny, 5-10 minutes to eat a sammich seems reasonable, though. What's the thinking on no lunch break at all?

I was never paid to eat...and am still not (As a seasoned executive). They still take lunch time out of my pay even now. If, as a young teen, I had stopped working for any reason, the work crew would have continue hoeing their rows and gone on to the next field without me. They did not want or need to stop and lose even 5-10 minutes of work where they could earn a dollar or more an hour...and the employer certainly could not afford it as 6 people breaking for 10 minutes is an hour of work. Especially when limited by daylight. We did stop for water that they brought to us (when they chose), but you certainly did not stop for any longer than the few seconds it took to gulp the water...and sure never put the tool down or sat. It was not easy...but they were paying for that time and deserved to get what they paid for. Most kids had to work that hard at home as well. Stop for lunch when there is work to do? LOL. Not hardly. Eat lunch tomorrow when it is raining, or you have no paid work. Their kids worked right beside us in the field. If you could keep up with them, you got called when there was work...and they were skilled/hardened and had done it their entire life. Not one lazy bum ever came out of those groups. We are making kids fat, soft and lazy.

Every whiney, lazy momma's boy you hire and coddle is one less hard working, deserving kid you can provide a much-needed job to. Rewarding poor behavior encourages it.

asphaltgambler 12-08-2021 05:14 AM

I do plan on sitting down with him, providing he and his mother contacts me by Friday to set the work day Saturday. If he shows, I'll wait until the work is finished, then instead of just chatting, have a come-to-Jesus meeting

vash 12-08-2021 09:29 AM

some of you all definitely walked to school going uphill both ways. no doubt.

fintstone 12-08-2021 03:22 PM

No. We only had to walk the last two miles...after a 1.5 to 2-hour bus ride. It was only uphill one way...but very steep. It was only when it was icy or snowed as the bus could not go up the steep dirt roads in inclement conditions. To meet the bus at 5AM, it was all downhill, but it was in the dark.

Of course, if we had after school activities or were kept after school, we had a 6 mile walk home (elementary school) and a lot farther in high school.

asphaltgambler 12-10-2021 12:59 PM

OK, today's update: He was supposed to text me by yesterday (Thursday) to let me know when or if he is able to work this Saturday. …………………………………….Nothin.

So,..... at 8:00am this morning I text him, that I had not heard from him as was previously agreed (said that in my text) and is he able to work Saturday? I just heard from him by text saying he had obligations with his family tomorrow. Great, I was betting there would some reason for him not to show. I asked him how much I owe him for the work he did? How many hours did he think he worked, how much per hour did we agree on a few months back (I gave him a $1/hr raise then).

He responded immediately; 4 hours but was unsure of his hourly rate. I told him I had forgotten as it has been a while since he last worked (I didn't). He gave me a range within $1.50 per hour low to high.

So I'm leaving a check for him tomorrow AM, hidden out on my property (he knows where) as we're traveling west to find and cut down our Christmas tree.

In the meantime, no one from my church youth group has contacted me, so I rollover to the Nextdoor app, for yard / outside help starting asap, paying fair wage / cash daily for teenager or other young person to help around our home...………………………...stay tuned

gacook 12-10-2021 01:32 PM

My ex-wife is this type of mom, and it drives me (and the kids) crazy. My son (nearly 15) WANTS a job so he can earn extra money to finance his hobbies, and his mom won't let him. Pisses me off.

I've always viewed my job as a parent as guiding my kids into being contributing members to society who can support themselves. I don't need them to be rich, or any particular profession--just assets rather than liabilities. Getting them there is my job, and I work with them as such.

I hate helicopter parents. As my kids hit adulthood, I give them all the same speech. Basically, "I no longer tell you what to do, or how to live your life. I will always be here to advise you, but what you do with that advice is 100% up to you. You are an adult."

Seahawk 12-10-2021 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gacook (Post 11543130)
As my kids hit adulthood, I give them all the same speech. Basically, "I no longer tell you what to do, or how to live your life. I will always be here to advise you, but what you do with that advice is 100% up to you. You are an adult."

Exactly.

Asphalt, you are doing your best. I admire what you are doing.

stevej37 12-10-2021 01:40 PM

see the 'toto toilet thread'.....lol

KFC911 12-10-2021 02:53 PM

Mebbe fint is available?

Prolly take him half a day to walk there tho :D

Good luck 'gambler .... Stihls always show up on time and work all day ;)

masraum 12-11-2021 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler (Post 11543074)
OK, today's update: He was supposed to text me by yesterday (Thursday) to let me know when or if he is able to work this Saturday. …………………………………….Nothin.

So,..... at 8:00am this morning I text him, that I had not heard from him as was previously agreed (said that in my text) and is he able to work Saturday? I just heard from him by text saying he had obligations with his family tomorrow. Great, I was betting there would some reason for him not to show. I asked him how much I owe him for the work he did? How many hours did he think he worked, how much per hour did we agree on a few months back (I gave him a $1/hr raise then).

He responded immediately; 4 hours but was unsure of his hourly rate. I told him I had forgotten as it has been a while since he last worked (I didn't). He gave me a range within $1.50 per hour low to high.

So I'm leaving a check for him tomorrow AM, hidden out on my property (he knows where) as we're traveling west to find and cut down our Christmas tree.

In the meantime, no one from my church youth group has contacted me, so I rollover to the Nextdoor app, for yard / outside help starting asap, paying fair wage / cash daily for teenager or other young person to help around our home...………………………...stay tuned

Unfortunately, his mom has taught/trained him, and he's not got the internal drive to overcome her influence. He may still eventually be OK, but it'll take a while. You did what you could. It's time to move on.

I'm curious, I couldn't tell from your post. How close to his range of $1.50 was what you remember him making. And insane for someone NOT to remember. I always knew exactly what I was making (still do).
Quote:

Originally Posted by gacook (Post 11543130)
My ex-wife is this type of mom, and it drives me (and the kids) crazy. My son (nearly 15) WANTS a job so he can earn extra money to finance his hobbies, and his mom won't let him. Pisses me off.

The good news is that your son wants it. So, he understands despite her. Crazy. When I was 12 or 13, my parents got me to go out and mow lawns in the neighborhood for money. Then we moved and I mowed lawn in the summer and delivered news papers year round on foot at 430am, sun, rain or snow (coldest I remember is single digit temps with a wind chill of -12). Then when old enough, I got a job at a store in a mall. I think I worked 25-35hrs/wk while in HS.
Quote:

Originally Posted by KC911 (Post 11543223)
Mebbe fint is available?

Prolly take him half a day to walk there tho :D

Good luck 'gambler .... Stihls always show up on time and work all day ;)

ROFLMAO!

Zeke 12-11-2021 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Por_sha911 (Post 11539898)
I totally disagree. The boy needs to learn to have some backbone and not allow himself to be manipulated. If you fix the problem he still has no self-worth and confidence. Plus you have opened up the possibility that she will take it out on the kid and things will get worse. Also, if the mom has been manipulating the boy with guilt, talking with her won't help. She needs professional counseling.

As an outsider there is only so much you can do but give the kid that last chance to change his like and leave the door open if and when he realizes what is going on and wants to fix his life.

I think I'm good with this approach. I have already read the above responses and many of them are goo as well. This is a quagmire. I don't envy the gambler. That's why I hire rented, insured laborers. They also come with a guarantee, if you don't like their work, you have a window in which you can dismiss them at no cost. I've done that once when the guy showed up drunk on the 3rd day. Apparently he had been able to draw his pay from the company for day 1 and he spent it on booze. I figured he was homeless.

I worked side by side with this guy gutting a bathroom. Seemed like a really nice guy, even drunk, but I ain't doing that.

That reminds me of a funny story. Same deal, demo'ing a bathroom. This labor shows up stinking like hell. We worked so hard that he completely sweated the stink away inside 2 hours. I couldn't believe it myself but I was in there with him all day. I was probably the one stinking at quitting time.

asphaltgambler 12-11-2021 08:31 AM

When this one first started I paid him $8.50/hr and usually rounded up at the end of his shift. This Spring I gave him a $1/hr raise. I also would give him a 'bonus' if the work was extra hard or he worked a full day and did well.

I have a 13yr old kid / his grandmother contacted me this morning from the Nextdoor app, I plan to interview him this afternoon or tomorrow, stay tuned.


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