Would you take your 99 year old Mom out to dinner with the virus still around?

[Baz]

Mom turns 99 on Sunday.

I have a step-brother and sister-in-law who live south of us about 3 hours.

They sent Mom an email saying they would like to drive up and take her out to dinner.

I thought it wasn't such a great idea right now. It doesn't matter who got the jab or booster(s) - it doesn't stop someone from getting Covid. The only way not to get it is to avoid interaction with the general public. Right?

So I sat down with Mom and got her blessing that we stay in this year with the provision that I take care of all food arrangements, which is what I would have wanted anyway. Will probably be a nice steak dinner with fresh salad, baked potato, and veggie. I ordered a custom birthday cake for her today.

It wasn't even her idea to go out in the first place.

Mom will turn 100 next year, God willing, and hopefully by then we will be in a better position risk-wise to go out somewhere.

I welcome any opinions on the matter - thanks!

[Dan J]

I think you're being smart

[billybek]

Invite them and your mom to dinner at your. Have it catered if you don't feel like cooking for all.
Have the meal outdoors in your garden.
Nice of them to be thinking of her but I think you have the right to be protective right now.

[cabmandone]

No such thing as being too cautious with your mom being 99. Good call on your part.

That being said, my wife and I have taken our parents out to eat. We just go a little earlier when things aren't as busy. It's really kind of nice because you get better service than if you go later when things are more crowded.

And if you want to fly me out, I'll do all the cooking! Oh and wish her a happy birthday from the cabman!

[masraum]

tough one. When it's her time, it'll be her time. Certainly don't want to put her at extra risk, but at the same time, what if this is the last chance.

I'd say that I'd leave it up to her. What would she rather do? My grandmother (almost the same age) is definitely all about avoiding. So there's no way that I'd want to try to drag her out. On the other hand, if we were all vaxed, and willing to be careful and she was interested in going out, then sure, why not.

My great grandmother lived with my grandparents. She was 97 or 98 and eating oat meal with them one morning same as every other day. As I heard the story she said "Oh" and fell into her bowl of oat meal and that was that. You just never know. My grandmother (^her^ daughter) has the same genes and is in her upper 90s (97, I think). She walks in the neighborhood any day that it's not raining, windy or too cold. She avoids people and crowds like the plague (no pun intended) because she doesn't want covid.

[tdw28210]

Prolly not. If she insisted, then outdoor dining only.

[Seahawk]

Your posts concerning your Mom are always great: What a Dame (old school, completely complementary).

I would not take her out to dinner given her age and what that means in terms of risk...I would do what you have already put in place and enjoy the day.

I am sure there will be differing opinions, but risk is risk...

My best to her.

[upsscott]

Originally Posted by Baz

Mom turns 99 on Sunday.

I have a step-brother and sister-in-law who live south of us about 3 hours.

They sent Mom an email saying they would like to drive up and take her out to dinner.

I thought it wasn't such a great idea right now. It doesn't matter who got the jab or booster(s) - it doesn't stop someone from getting Covid. The only way not to get it is to avoid interaction with the general public. Right?

So I sat down with Mom and got her blessing that we stay in this year with the provision that I take care of all food arrangements, which is what I would have wanted anyway. Will probably be a nice steak dinner with fresh salad, baked potato, and veggie. I ordered a custom birthday cake for her today.

It wasn't even her idea to go out in the first place.

Mom will turn 100 next year, God willing, and hopefully by then we will be in a better position risk-wise to go out somewhere.

I welcome any opinions on the matter - thanks!

This is a smart move. I’d do the same with my father. Bring the party to them where it can be monitored.

[Scott Douglas]

That used to be my go-to birthday dinner, Baz. Oh for the good old days.
I wouldn't be taking myself out in these circumstances.
I'm sure your mom will thoroughly enjoy having everyone over at her house especially if she doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything on her day.

[craigster59]

To me, her age and the pandemic wouldn't even come into play decision wise. Going out to eat on special occasions is great when you have kids but as I've gotten older the meals I've had dining out are usually pretty underwhelming.

Both my Wife and myself pretty much know our way around a kitchen and we know our likes and dislikes. A dinner at home can be as celebratory as you want it to be and the drinks are cheaper and stronger!

Happy Birthday Baz's Mom!

[Tervuren]

The last time I saw my great grand mother was her 100th birthday.
And her kids, grand kids, and great kids, many were in attendence, as well as friends and family.
A few months later she had a fall, and wasn't here anymore.

I'd leave it up to her.
We never know what the moment beyond now may bring.

Personally I'd prefer not to.
Or at least, would be careful with arrangements, private dining area, etc...

[herr_oberst]

Not gonna do it..

[gordner]

I would say it is not the cautious choice, but if it were her choice, absolutely.

[PorscheGAL]

I think it should be up to her.

If I was turning 99 and my kids offered to take me anywhere for my birthday dinner, I would pick somewhere great to eat and probably stop for a second dessert on the way home.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by PorscheGAL

I think it should be up to her.

If I was turning 99 and my kids offered to take me anywhere for my birthday dinner, I would pick somewhere great to eat and probably stop for a second dessert on the way home.

Right, that's one of those tough ones. If you make it to 99 and you want to have bourbon and 2 desserts, go for it. You've already proven that you can beat the odds.

[recycled sixtie]

I would be trying to protect your mother and keep her at your home for a meal . Have the food delivered. Can your 99 year old mum make that kind of decision without help? Probably not. Make the decision for her.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Is this the same BAZ with all the outdoor pergolas and such around the house?

Unless she's Betty White and insist on going out (to a certain venue she loves and wants to see), spend the $$$ on a good homemade spread and enjoy the company of family in house. In the end, it's all about family good times.

The other factor I've dealt with lately- With all the work shortages and such, some the the local places have been a bit "spotty" lately. Why risk the family outing with poor service, long waits, or cold food???? (I've had all three of these happen recently-in $$$ places I wouldn't have expected) She doesn't deserve that one bit!

This isn't even necessarily about covid.

Kick up the party- and-
Just Enjoy! :

[rfuerst911sc]

Error on the side of caution for anyone at high risk . A nice family meal at home is very enjoyable if all get along . Have fun .

[Captain Ahab Jr]

What about a McDonalds drive through meal out, I think she'd like that

[Baz]

Thanks to all for the replies and input.

GREATLY appreciated.

I feel better now that this decision was a sound one.

For those who said leave it to Mom to make the decision - I understand your sentiment and normally I would agree.

The problem is at this point, Mom is going on "emotion" with some of her decision making instead of what I call "critical thinking".

It's like the only consideration (in her mind) is whether to go out to eat or not. No consideration at all about the risks.

Know what I mean?

An analogy would asking your wife/husband if they would like a new car. Now why wouldn't anyone want a new car? Because they cannot justify the expense right now would probably be the main reason. Critical thinking vs. emotional response.

Mom is in control of her faculties but just doesn't have a grasp on critical thinking.

I hope that makes sense.

For the record - we sat down together at her kitchen table to discuss this - I didn't "tell" her what to do. I merely pointed out the big picture and then asked her if what I said made sense. Very respectfully.

I don't really trust other family members to understand what I do because they aren't here and they don't understand. I don't think they realize how important it is to really think things through. I know many of you understand how it is with family.

On behalf of my Mom....thanks again for the help and your thoughts and opinions....it's appreciated more than you know!