Lawsuit Settlement: for parent or child?

Gus Berges · 01-31-2023, 05:02 AM

It never ceases to amaze me how much solid advice is shared on this specific forum. Must be an age related thing

. Here is the situation:

A dear friend of mine just asked me for his opinion and truth be told, I was not 100% sure how to respond (I told him "let me get back to you on that.."), so I'm seeking your opinion on the following matter: my friend's son was the victim of a vicious physical attack by a bully. Long story short, the case is going to trial and there is a very high chance that the defendant will try and settle out of court before it goes to trial to avoid going to jail. My friend has paid for all of his son's attorney fees (and everything else related to the upbringing of his son). His son is 20 years old, going to a local college (fully paid for by his father), living at home, not responsible for any living expenses, vehicle of his own (gift from his father), etc, etc.

Question is: the settlement amount: regardless if it's 4 or 6 figures....., who should get it? The parent or the child? The child definitely lacks the financial and emotional maturity to handle such an amount of money due to the upbringing he's had no fault of his own, but instead of his dad.

This incident has been a nightmare for the entire family. Lots of trauma yet to be ironed out.

What say you?

greglepore · 01-31-2023, 05:10 AM

Its not even a question. The settlement belongs to the child. He's of majority age now. The attorney's fee in a personal injury case should be contingent, although expenses may not, so those fees and expenses come off the top.
If the child were still a minor, in every jurisdiction where I practiced (caveat-retired) there was a procedure whereby the court had to approve a settlement involving a minor, accounting for such things as the atty's fees, medical expenses, expert fees etc. etc. These items could be paid out of the settlement, including parental expenses, the remainder was to be held in trust for the child and the parent would have to act as fiduciary.
Now that the child is of majority age, unless parents want to have him declared incompetent by an appropriate court proceeding, he gets the money. Personal injury settlements are to compensate him for his loss.

unclebilly · unclebilly's Garage

Definitely the child. The father may want to have filed for his own financial damages as a separate claim.

masraum · 01-31-2023, 05:25 AM

Wow, I can see why you said "let me get back to you." My first thought was "parent covers legal costs or any out of pocket costs due to this issue, and anything left over is put in some sort of account/trust for the kid for later. Then you said that the "kid" is 20. I think that changes things (legally). There's a difference between what's right and what's legal. What are the odds that the kid could/would try to sue his parents for the money.

And yes, I know a kid that got an inheritance when he was a kid, and he blew through it.

I think the "best/right" solution is for the parents to cover their costs, and then put the money in some sort of account for the kid that he can't get to right now. But I'm not sure if that would be legal if it came down to it.

Gus Berges · 01-31-2023, 05:30 AM

My friend's concern is that if the child, a majority of age individual, but mentally immature, gets that kind of money, he would foolishly spend it on items that are of not much value and even potentially harmful (think sportbike, sportscar, lavish gifts, etc.), hence his concern about what would happen if his child were to have immediate access to such funds.

You two have confirmed my suspicion/original thought: legally it's the child's money and it's the father's fault that his child is this immature as he's the one who raised him. Gotta find an elegant way of letting my bud know that he did not get it "all right" with raising his child. Kid is a good kid (respectful, no drugs, no problems, etc.), but immature/very shielded from reality/somewhat spoiled.

Seahawk · 01-31-2023, 05:39 AM

This is very interesting.

When I was hit by a car riding my bicycle in college, the driver settled before going to court. I was of legal age but we, my parents and I, decided on an investment strategy to protect and grow the settlement.

We also decided that I should get a small, in relation to the settlement, amount of "mad money" to spent as I saw fit.

Sounds goofy but it worked.

After hookers and cocaine, I invested in land that became the basis for a business and then a house, another house and then the farm. The principle is still there, chugging away.

It worked for us but I do understand how it may not work for others.

masraum · 01-31-2023, 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gus Berges

My friend's concern is that if the child, a majority of age individual, but mentally immature, gets that kind of money, he would foolishly spend it on items that are of not much value and even potentially harmful (think sportbike, sportscar, lavish gifts, etc.), hence his concern about what would happen if his child were to have immediate access to such funds.

The parent is probably correct, but there's nothing that he can do about it. If the kid gets a job making good money, the kid can spend his earnings on whatever he wants, sport bikes, guns, sports cars, hookers and blow....
It's out of the parents hands.

Quote:

You two have confirmed my suspicion/original thought: legally it's the child's money and it's the father's fault that his child is this immature as he's the one who raised him. Gotta find an elegant way of letting my bud know that he did not get it "all right" with raising his child. Kid is a good kid (respectful, no drugs, no problems, etc.), but immature/very shielded from reality/somewhat spoiled.

Exactly, and I wouldn't even necessarily lay this at the parents feet as their fault. Sometimes parents can do their best and a good job and the individual is just destined to be a poor decision maker. Or maybe the parents did rear the boy to make poor decisions.

herr_oberst · 01-31-2023, 05:56 AM

Aaand, Seahawk, that's why you're you. Irregardless (or regardless) of whom the court awarded the result, you and your parents had set precedent and you were going to respect the family over the individual.

The parents in the OP have also set precedent, and well, lets just say it sounds like the hookers and blow part of the equation is the larger portion.

Teach your children.

masraum · 01-31-2023, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seahawk

This is very interesting.

When I was hit by a car riding my bicycle in college, the driver settled before going to court. I was of legal age but we, my parents and I, decided on an investment strategy to protect and grow the settlement.

We also decided that I should get a small, in relation to the settlement, amount of "mad money" to spent as I saw fit.

Sounds goofy but it worked.

After hookers and cocaine, I invested in land that became the basis for a business and then a house, another house and then the farm. The principle is still there, chugging away.

It worked for us but I do understand how it may not work for others.

Right, I feel like you were probably more mature than your average bear (and certainly from the kid in this thread).

KFC911 · 01-31-2023, 06:00 AM

Kid's gonna blow it .... time for dad to let him and then grow up. And the "free ride" is (should be) over....

Good luck to all!

masraum · 01-31-2023, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC911

Kid's gonna blow it .... time for dad to let him and then grow up. And the "free ride" is (should be) over....

Good luck to all!

Good call. "Here's your money, now you've got 2 months to pack your sheiße and move into your new place that you can afford with your windfall. We're no longer paying any of your bills or providing any financial support."

wdfifteen · wdfifteen's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC911

Kid's gonna blow it .... time for dad to let him and then grow up. And the "free ride" is (should be) over....

Good luck to all!

Not going to happen.
Some parents don't have it in them.
I have a friend who has a 45 year old son. The "kid" spent 20 years in the Air Force right out of high school. When he left the AF he moved right back into his mother's house and he's been there ever since. He has a good job and a Vietnamese fiancee (currently in Viet Nam). Between the girl, junk food, and video games the guy is penniless. For years the fiancee has been juuuust almost able to come to the USA and marry him. Mom worries about him, legitimately fears the "fiancee" has been stringing him along for the money he sends her. (duh) Never the less, Mom is looking for a house big enough for the son and his new wife. Mom worries and worries, but never asks the kid to step up and be an adult.
Some parents are like that.

KFC911 · 01-31-2023, 06:49 AM

^^^^ You're probably right .... unfortunately

.

I hear Seahawk is interviewing kids (and their moms) tho.

herr_oberst · 01-31-2023, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC911

I hear Seahawk is interviewing kids (and their moms) tho.

hah!

stomachmonkey · 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gus Berges

... Gotta find an elegant way of letting my bud know that he did not get it "all right" with raising his child. Kid is a good kid (respectful, no drugs, no problems, etc.), but immature/very shielded from reality/somewhat spoiled.....

Not a conversation you need to or should even have.

Your friend did not ask your opinion on his parenting skills, he asked about distribution of a settlement.

The answer is, you are, at best, owed your out of pocket, the rest is his.

Don't answer questions that have not been asked. No good will come of it unless of course your objective is to have an ex friend.

masraum · 01-31-2023, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

Not going to happen.
Some parents don't have it in them.
I have a friend who has a 45 year old son. The "kid" spent 20 years in the Air Force right out of high school. When he left the AF he moved right back into his mother's house and he's been there ever since. He has a good job and a Vietnamese fiancee (currently in Viet Nam). Between the girl, junk food, and video games the guy is penniless. For years the fiancee has been juuuust almost able to come to the USA and marry him. Mom worries about him, legitimately fears the "fiancee" has been stringing him along for the money he sends her. (duh) Never the less, Mom is looking for a house big enough for the son and his new wife. Mom worries and worries, but never asks the kid to step up and be an adult.
Some parents are like that.

Wow, that's a bad situation on so many levels that's never going to get better.

flatbutt · 01-31-2023, 07:03 AM

The Dad probably did his best. The money goes to his son but it's not too late to council the son on how to use the money.

FWIW Gus it's not up to you to tell Dad that he didn't get it right with rearing the son. That's a recipe for losing a friend. I'd veil the advice as "if it were me I'd advise junior on how to invest the money". Good luck.

Gus Berges · 07:30 AM

As expected, tons of great advice. My friend asked me about the settlement and what to do about it and that is all I'm going to respond to. He asked for my opinion because he knows I'm very responsible when it comes to finances, but I will have to yield to the legal situation at hand: the money belongs to the kid, not dad. It was never in my plans to let my bud know "hey, you should have asked more of your kid so he didn't turn out this way"! (I know see how my original message seems that way, my bad). I believe that there is no one way that all children should be raised as each family is unique. That said, I was brought up in a very strict environment, something that seems to be lacking (overall) these days, myself a tad guilty of this...

Knowing the relationship between them, I can see how there may be a chance that the kid may get some "mad money" as Seahawk describes it and then be convinced to use the rest for investment and use it when needed for more important matters (purchasing a home). In any case, all I feel is a bit of sadness with the whole situation as the kid used to be an extrovert happy guy and now he is the shadow of that person: introverted, silent, "scared all of the time", etc. Like I said, a lot of trauma... For

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

Not going to happen.
Some parents don't have it in them.
I have a friend who has a 45 year old son. The "kid" spent 20 years in the Air Force right out of high school. When he left the AF he moved right back into his mother's house and he's been there ever since. He has a good job and a Vietnamese fiancee (currently in Viet Nam). Between the girl, junk food, and video games the guy is penniless. For years the fiancee has been juuuust almost able to come to the USA and marry him. Mom worries about him, legitimately fears the "fiancee" has been stringing him along for the money he sends her. (duh) Never the less, Mom is looking for a house big enough for the son and his new wife. Mom worries and worries, but never asks the kid to step up and be an adult.
Some parents are like that.

No one has ever turned it around at that age. Just does not happen. And if I know anything about mail order brides, even if they intend to come to the US eventually, they don't stick with men who have no money.

Gus Berges · 01-31-2023, 08:05 AM

I have had the unfortunate experience to have seen first hand what a person who "never grows up/ becomes financially independent" does to parents. I'm ashamed to admit it's a family member (aunt).

She was just a "party animal" and always expected for someone else to take care of her. She lived off what measly job she got (never liked working, nor ever finished college) plus whatever my grandparents would gift her. A few years ago she just could not pay rent (after spending what my grandfather left her when he passed away) and moved back into my grandmother's house. Grandma passed away and in her will, she stated that the sale of her home must be split among her three daughters. Can you believe that this aunt, who always received "gifts" from her sisters (who were both much better off financially speaking) contested the inheritance claiming that since she took care of grandma for the last 3 years, that all should be hers? Of course the sisters did not contest and gave her everything. She used the money to purchase outright a very small home and is using the excess funds to pay for living expenses. This is a person in her 70s who never really did put any kind of effort in improving her life/working and has always lived off the charity from others.

I'd rather die than be like this.