High School is one of the most psychologically dangerous places on earth. Especially if you're not among those considered the cool kids.

High school is brutal. But get this, not only did we have 'off' campus social fraternities and sororities in high school, we had feeder clubs in jr. high. There was of course a pecking order and if you were in the premier jr. high club, you were assured being "asked out" to the premier club at HS.

I was always amazed at the late transplants to the school system that managed to invade the system. However, if you weren't part of the initial pledges at either school you weren't ever going to be in. The school seldom deviated from the president of the top fraternity also being elected class president.

I hate the school system to this day. I hate the system to this day. As soon as I learned what the word repudiated meant, I was on that train.

There’s a reason lord of the flies is a classic…

And required reading for us in Jr. High.

why dont we try to fix the hyeracheral systems of bullying/status in high school instead of putting the onus to solve the problems on the victims of the problem?

ie, we accept children for who they are.

im not saying we shouldnt help children and parents with therapy and couseling individually ... im saying, we should actually seek to dismantle the systems that create the problem rather than just treat the symtoms.

First of all, to the OP, great reminder. I hope the family can recover.

Look 171, you are at the point of professional help. Find a good family counselor who has experience with teens. My daughter is a mental health professional if you need any help with how to find good resources.

My father committed suicide at 19 shortly after I was born. It still impacts his family 60 years later.

The owner of the PT clinic I go to lost his son a few years back. They have created a foundation in his name with the goal of helping others. There may be good resources on their website.

https://kellencares.org/

Best, Jerry

In another world this might be possible to even consider. What do they say? You can't fix stupid. Too many layers. Parents. Uggh.

of course we can fix it. what a silly notion.

we built the system, we can fix it. the concept of high school itself is like less than 120 years old. we can just fix it.

for example, we could start with not having adults who are pro-bullying. not to PARF this up, but we absolutly have adults who are pro-bullying.

Perhaps of interest:

"Murthy issued a 53-page advisory on youth mental health (PDF) in 2021, saying, “Mental health challenges in children, adolescents, and young adults are real, and they are widespread. But most importantly, they are treatable, and often preventable.”"

Dartmouth to Convene Surgeons General Around Mental Health


https://home.dartmouth.edu/news/2023/08/dartmouth-convene-surgeons-general-around-mental-health?utm_source=linkedin&utm_medium=social&utm_c ampaign=wellness

"More information, including how to register or access the livestream, will be available soon."

I don't mind that you're an idealist. Go, man.

its not idealism.

its taking responsiblity for building a better world and not giving up, and just saying "its too hard to better"

Kids have different ideals than we have and different ideals than we had as kids. Sometimes its difficult to relate to each other.

Digital societies are the new reality, yet us oldsters see them as a problem because we don't understand the intricacies. We think we do but don't.

My 13 year old son has friends in various communities (school, ski club, racing, dirtbiking, etc.). I think being part of several friend groups is key for kids these days and digital technology keep them in touch. He is shy but doesn't seem to have trouble making friends. Its weird tho, some kids he just doesn't really associate with (including his bubble wrapped cousins that are the same age because they have nothing in common).

All this being said, my son has seen councilors in the past and even recently with the assault at school and the resulting concussion that destroyed his ski race season (career) last winter. That was a hard one for him and us. Counseling helps with the right councilor. We are very open with him and I hope this continues.

Jeff - best of luck with your boy. remember, parenting is 'long days and short years'.