On motorcycles and fear

[Dixie]

A bit of brotherly advice requested.
Help me decide if I'm being phobic, or wise?

A guy I started dating wants me to ride on the back of his motorcycle like the one below. While I'm flattered, and want him to be happy, I'm also as terrified as a rabbit in a foxhole. I look at that giant motorcycle and all I can see is myself back in the ER due to another motorcycle accident, just like a decade ago. (I got off easy with multiple fractures to my tibia and fibia.)

What's curious is that if it was a smaller bike I wouldn't be so dang scared. Then again, if I wasn't a bit smitten, I'd find it easy to tell him no.

So, am I courting death by getting on this thing?

[gregpark]

Can't say, I've not seen him ride. I'm a rider but I've never been a passenger and never will be

[Chocaholic]

Only you can answer that question Dixie. As a motorcyclist of 40 years, I rarely take a passenger with me. There is personal risk but I am not willing to take that risk on behalf of another person.

If motorcycling is important to him, but makes you uncomfortable, this may not be a match made in heaven. The only advice I can offer is the same as I’ve always given to my kids. Stay true to yourself.

[javadog]

It's not so much the bike as it is the rider.

Most riders, I wouldn't ride with. Most (not all) Harley riders got into riding later in life than those I consider reasonably experienced. I was involved with creating the first rider school in Oklahoma and more than a few Harley riders bought their first Harley before they ever threw a leg over a bike for the first time.

Has he been riding his whole life, or did he buy his first bike when he 'picked up a new hobby?"

How much time has he spent on dirt bikes? From what age?

How much riding instruction as he had?

Etc.

Given your history with bikes, saying no is a pretty reasonable decision that he should have no issue with,

[Rick Lee]

Two weeks ago the brother of a customer called to say he had passed away. I wrote his life insurance policy. Brother said the whole family had been nagging David to sell that bike before he got killed on it. He finally caved and sold it. The next day he dropped dead of a heart attack.

[1990C4S]

I love anything with an engine, but I will not get a motorcycle. I really want one, but the risks are too high for me.

Too many careless drivers out there, not worth it.

It's a personal decision, but to me 'I understand you love your bike, but I'm just not comfortable riding one' is a valid answer that a reasonable person would accept.

[flatbutt]

It's not the bike Dixie it's the pilot. One can get killed on a Vespa just the same if the rider isn't competent. Even if he is a good rider he can't stop a drunk from running a red or a stop sign and broadsiding you. If you're afraid to get on it then don't. A nervous passenger can disrupt the pilot's focus. Besides, if he is a responsible adult he will consider your fear and respect it.

[jhynesrockmtn]

I rode for a long time and had a girlfriend that liked to ride on the pillion seat of my BMW 1150 GS. Gail rode a scooter a bunch and was pretty comfortable with the whole thing. It took a fair bit of practice to get decent at it, and we had a few nice longer trips. I wouldn't do something that makes you uncomfortable to make anyone else happy. Besides, if you aren't comfortable, you won't be a good passenger.

[Dantilla]

My wife is very nervous about motorcycles.
She is completely comfortable with me flying airplanes, racing cars, mountain biking, about anything else I like to do, but motorcycles scare her.

Because of that, I will have fun flying airplanes, racing cars, etc, but will stay off bikes for her peace of mind.
She is more important to me than any of the fun toys I've enjoyed.

The joke- If she dies, what will I do first? Buy a motorcycle, or call her parents?

If this new guy truly respects you, he will accommodate your fear, and enjoy time with you.
If he gets pushy, it may not be a red flag, but maybe a yellow, that he can be selfish, and wants to mold you into his ideal.

I hope he respects you, and treats you like a queen.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

It's not the bike Dixie it's the pilot.

That's not entirely true, unfortunately.

Cars drifting out of their lane, turning left in front of you, drunk drivers. A cautious great rider can still get be killed, let alone an aging rider.

[id10t]

I'm afraid to be on a motor bike in general. Think I'd love riding, but I'd only do it on a closed track solo or with maybe a few other riders who are very experienced. Why? I've got 5 dead friends and two who should be due to motorcycle accidents - and none of 'em were the at-fault driver ...

[javadog]

Originally Posted by 1990C4S

That's not entirely true, unfortunately.

Cars drifting out of their lane, turning left in front of you, drunk drivers. A cautious great rider can still get be killed, let alone an aging rider.

True. One of the most skilled riders I’ve ever known got hit.

But that’s also when having serious riding skills can make a difference, as opposed to someone that just jets from stoplight to stoplight in a straight line.

[creaturecat]

yup. courting death - to a certain extent.
been riding for over 50 years - no way i would get on the back of one.
don't let wife on the back of mine, either.

[Superman]

Yes, riding a motorcycle is dangerous. A good, cautious, alert rider can minimize, but not eliminate, that danger. And if something happens, you don't have much protection. We're soft and squishy. 60 mph is 80 ft/sec.

Riding a motorcycle is kind of a stupid idea and intelligent riders know this. Yet they do it because of the fun and thrill. Absent that fun and thrill, intelligent people would absolutely not ride motorcycles.

It sounds like you would not be riding, like most of us, for the fun and thrill. You'd be riding despite the danger, and despite the absence of fun and thrill. You'd be doing it for him and for the relationship. Now how much sense do you think that makes?

[Scott Douglas]

I used to ride. My now wife used to ride on the back with me too.
Sold my last motorcycle when I found myself doing things that would surely land me in the hospital if not the morgue.
I'd love to have a motorcycle now, but I don't trust other drivers now.

Just say 'No.' and move on if that is not acceptable to him.

[cockerpunk]

street driving motorcycles? yeah, even with full safety gear, full coverage helmet etc ... id still worry.

now that i race cars with roll cages, the notion of being bolted to the biggest hunk of mental possible in a crash is a really ... really ... calming thing.

my dad would have died about 8 years ago had he not been wearing a full coverage helmet. do not **** around. as much safety gear as you can.

[908/930]

I think you are being wise. Already having experienced a motorcycle accident you have a pretty good idea what can happen.

There was a rider killed about a year ago not far from where I live, riding in a 50kph (30mph) zone, the driver of the SUV turned left directly in front of him no time to react. I always think about him when I ride by that spot.

[ckcarr]

Your fear is rational.
I would never take a passenger, nor would I be a passenger.
Especially as the accident demographic curve has shifted way up in age, due to retirees and mid life crisis's.

You should always be completely in charge of your own destiny. In other words, until you know him well, and have seen how he rides consistently, I wouldn't go near it. However, even then I think you should ride your own ride.. take lessons, buy your own bike, be in charge - like Doodle https://www.youtube.com/@DoodleOnAMotorcycle

[Tidybuoy]

Wouldn't it be more fun to ride your own bike? And maybe one that is correct for your size.

2 things: Always wear gear, take the CHP safety class and any additional classes that you can - it helped me a lot.

[Paul T]

Originally Posted by javadog

It's not so much the bike as it is the rider.

Most riders, I wouldn't ride with. Most (not all) Harley riders got into riding later in life than those I consider reasonably experienced. I was involved with creating the first rider school in Oklahoma and more than a few Harley riders bought their first Harley before they ever threw a leg over a bike for the first time.

Has he been riding his whole life, or did he buy his first bike when he 'picked up a new hobby?"

How much time has he spent on dirt bikes? From what age?

How much riding instruction as he had?

Etc.

Given your history with bikes, saying no is a pretty reasonable decision that he should have no issue with,

I agree with all of this. I grew up riding dirt bikes since I was 12 and while there is a part of me that would love to have a street bike today (haven’t had one in 30 yrs), I would never do it. Living in a fairly densely populated area, there are SO many distracted drivers these days that it almost doesn’t matter how skilled of a rider you are. An accident is just a heartbeat away if some idiot is on his/her phone and not paying attention, which sadly seems to be the norm these days. I think you are wise to be hesitant given your past history….