A Life

[Superman]

I just went through three medium sized totes of photographs for at least the third time, and now for the last time. Tossed some, set some aside for friends and family and sent a robust box of them to my ex-wife. I am keeping almost none of them. I know what my parents, sisters, daughters, ex-wife, etc. looked like. I can see them in my mind.

Going through those pictures has been a mixture of fond memories and painful ones. My previous marriage and our two daughters is a tragic story I will not tell here. I am glad to not have to look at those pictures ever again. Suffice to say I am leaving no valuable living legacy behind save for perhaps my granddaughter who may have a good and successful life but who is currently what I would call 'at risk.'

The pictures are gone and the memories, good and not so good, remain. I'll be 67 next month and though I am in surprisingly good health I will die soon enough of course and the sorting of the pictures won't have to be done when I am gone. In fact, I am getting rid of a lot of stuff. This is a reflective time for me. I am a sensitive person and there is something in my eye right now.

I am also a spiritual and philosophical person who looks at the Universe and at Life with an almost unbearable but also thrilling sense of wonder and awe. I have wondered about the meaning of life but I don't think I wonder about that any more. In my life i have been drawn closer to God but I don't think this is what I would call the "meaning" of life. Perhaps I would call it part of the "nature" of life but not its meaning.

I think life is its own meaning. I think its a glorious and miraculous enough thing on its own. I think there needs to be no beyond or higher meaning. In fact, it's hard for me to imagine the existence of a life meaning that would be bigger than the bigness of life itself.

There was a time, which lasted a long time, in which I did not feel proud of the person in the mirror. But now I know that was not my fault. At my father's suggestion I have tried to live my life according to the principles embedded in the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling. I've fought many battles and won most. I've loved and been loved, and I still do.

Now I am retired with a good wife and security/money, and we plan to do some serious traveling. The loftiness of life, as I saw it as a young man, is not so lofty now. It just IS. It is what it is, and that's enough for me now. Looking forward to this next, last chapter in my life. With regrets but also with satisfaction and peace, albeit a melancholy peace at the moment.

I just had to write this. Don't care whether anyone reads it but thanks for your interest if you did, and for the support. I could use a drink but it's still a bit early for that. Perhaps I will take some more stuff to Goodwill.

[speeder]

Letting go of "stuff" can be challenging, I've really noticed that some people have more of an emotional attachment to it than others.

When my dad died in 2014, he left all of the contents of his house to my mom, who he had been divorced from for 45 years at the time. They were on good terms. Part of it was that 3 out of his 4 kids live far away and part of it was that there were family heirlooms and furniture that he wound up with in the divorce that he wanted to give back? That last one was my conjecture.

At any rate, my mom was all set to receive everything and then abruptly changed her mind a few days later, before anything had been moved. "I don't want the memories," is what she said.

[GH85Carrera]

I had a LARGE box of photos from my great grand parents, on mom's side. Lots of cool stuff, but I have no kids and it would all go to the landfill when I am gone.

I have an Ancestry.com account, and a full tree. One of my distant cousins still has the Hoefer name and she was thrilled to see the scans I did, and posted to my account. I asked he if she wanted the box of memories, and she jumped at the chance. So I sent it all to her.

I scanned all the old family photos of dead relatives and posted them on Ancestry. I had a box a of 8mm movies that I digitized, and put them on YouTube for all the cousins to see. It is cool to see my parents wedding in color and lots of my relatives that were still young back then.

I still have a few boxes of 35mm color slides I need to scan. Someday.

[masraum]

I wish I had more info from my grandparents and ancestors. I already have almost everything from my parents. My mom downsized and moved and basically said "you can have whatever you want, but if you don't want it, I'm getting rid of it." I have several boxes of stuff that I want/need to go through. I have looked at the stuff a couple/few times over the years and enjoy going through them. I've gotten rid of stuff. We don't have as much stuff as lots of folks because my dad was in the military, so we were only able to move with a certain amount of stuff. We didn't have a lifetime or multiple lifetimes of stuff. Also, we downsized about 10 years ago and got rid of a ton of stuff. There's some stuff that I wish I'd kept. There's probably some stuff that I could have gotten rid of too.

A lot of stuff that I have will not be worth anything to anyone when I die. I'm close to our kids, but they were from a previous marriage of my wife, so they don't have any sentimental value for a lot of the stuff that has value to me.

[Dixie]

Thank you for such a heartfelt post Supe. I'm glad you found your closure. We all deserve to be happy. [picture a heart emoji here]

[craigster59]

I'm preparing to retire soon and will start going through stuff and thinning the herd. I've got too many spoons, guitars and fly fishing gear and no close relatives that have much interest in those kind of things so I'll keep what I can that will make me happy in my later years and sell the rest.

I've got some pictures and other mementos that I will pass on to Cousins and relatives. Without going into it too much I had an Aunt who was very close and was a big part of my raising. I was a bit of a rambler so when it came to diplomas, yearbooks, and personal stuff she would always say "Let me hold on to it. You move around so much it might disappear".

Well, she remarried and my step Uncle isn't a bad guy but he's a bit of an oddball. She would promise me her Scandinavian furniture she bought in Denmark back in the early 60's and 5 acres up in Shasta that was "mine". Also numerous heirlooms from my Grandmother and Grandfather that she held for safe keeping.

Well, wouldn't you know it she passed a few years ago, before my step Uncle who is still kicking. He was grieving and talking about how he wanted to go through everything and he would be sending me some things. I offered to drive up to Nevada City to go through stuff but he replied that he was in mourning and "couldn't deal with that right now".

Well, I started getting boxes of junk that didn't belong to me and "mementos" like the autographed program from the "Bruce Jenner Golf Classic at North Ranch" and some random posters from the Laguna Beach Pageant Of The Masters.

I finally asked him what happened to the furniture, jewelry, real estate and other heirlooms. "Oh, those ladies in hospice were so nice to Judy in her last days I donated it all to them. I needed it out of here".

Oh well. It's just stuff. Could really have used those 5 acres though.

[Superman]

Thank you Dixie. Yes, closure. My daughters are still alive if you call their lives that, and there is hope for the granddaughter, but I'm walking away from the 'what ifs.' Burning a bridge I don't want to cross again. It is a relief to know I will not look at my daughters' pictures ever again. Pretty weird, I know. Not wanting to see your living children's child pictures again. I will see one of those daughters this week, and the granddaughter. Hopefully take her or them to lunch. But I just don't want to see the pictures again. Drugs ruin lives that could have been beautiful.

[Superman]

Ugghhh, Craig. Sorry. Not just for the real estate but for the mementos she cared about for you. I'm sentimental. Which is why getting rid of those pics is such a big deal to me today. I decided I should have that drink after all. It's happy hour somewhere. I'm pretending to be on east coast time.

[Cloggie]

Originally Posted by Superman

I just went through three medium sized totes of photographs for at least the third time, and now for the last time. Tossed some, set some aside for friends and family and sent a robust box of them to my ex-wife. I am keeping almost none of them. I know what my parents, sisters, daughters, ex-wife, etc. looked like. I can see them in my mind.

Going through those pictures has been a mixture of fond memories and painful ones. My previous marriage and our two daughters is a tragic story I will not tell here. I am glad to not have to look at those pictures ever again. Suffice to say I am leaving no valuable living legacy behind save for perhaps my granddaughter who may have a good and successful life but who is currently what I would call 'at risk.'

The pictures are gone and the memories, good and not so good, remain. I'll be 67 next month and though I am in surprisingly good health I will die soon enough of course and the sorting of the pictures won't have to be done when I am gone. In fact, I am getting rid of a lot of stuff. This is a reflective time for me. I am a sensitive person and there is something in my eye right now.

I am also a spiritual and philosophical person who looks at the Universe and at Life with an almost unbearable but also thrilling sense of wonder and awe. I have wondered about the meaning of life but I don't think I wonder about that any more. In my life i have been drawn closer to God but I don't think this is what I would call the "meaning" of life. Perhaps I would call it part of the "nature" of life but not its meaning.

I think life is its own meaning. I think its a glorious and miraculous enough thing on its own. I think there needs to be no beyond or higher meaning. In fact, it's hard for me to imagine the existence of a life meaning that would be bigger than the bigness of life itself.

There was a time, which lasted a long time, in which I did not feel proud of the person in the mirror. But now I know that was not my fault. At my father's suggestion I have tried to live my life according to the principles embedded in the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling. I've fought many battles and won most. I've loved and been loved, and I still do.

Now I am retired with a good wife and security/money, and we plan to do some serious traveling. The loftiness of life, as I saw it as a young man, is not so lofty now. It just IS. It is what it is, and that's enough for me now. Looking forward to this next, last chapter in my life. With regrets but also with satisfaction and peace, albeit a melancholy peace at the moment.

I just had to write this. Don't care whether anyone reads it but thanks for your interest if you did, and for the support. I could use a drink but it's still a bit early for that. Perhaps I will take some more stuff to Goodwill.

This post brought tears to my eyes....too much parallel.

I have not spoken to my ex or my kids in 8 years, I do not imagine I will ever do so in this life.

I wish I had more pictures of them, but I know my ex expunged every picture with me in it (and she took them ALL) so all I have are 5 that were left behind for some reason.

Just a point.

I have a project car that is nearing completion. Thousands of my hours and likely $100k invested, maybe more. I asked my wife what she would do with it when I passed - she is much younger than me.

She said she would just keep it as a remembrance, and when she goes, neither of us care. Someone will grab it, scrap it, steal it, inherit it.

You can't reach from the grave on things in this world.

Throw out, donate what you will and leave the rest to the world and, it's after 5 pm somewhere, so enjoy your beverage of choice.

D.

[Dixie]

Originally Posted by Superman

...But I just don't want to see the pictures again.

I get it. My second ex got involved with drugs. He burned all the photos I ever had (along with pretty much everything we owned). Oddly, with time, I realized destroying them was a blessing.

(Thinking about that experience gives me the heebie-jeebies to this day.)

[Superman]

....and thank you for this also.

Originally Posted by Dixie

...... with time, I realized destroying them was a blessing....

[Superman]

Glad you posted, Cloggie. Perhaps this is a thread for getting stuff off our chests. Perhaps, as Dixie suggests, something that gets us closer to closure. Leaving out the excruciating details but just saying "I have pain here---->________ and I'm letting that go."

[Bill Douglas]

Yep, me too. I've also got a huge box of old photos. Most of them are something like an old chap in a tweed three piece suit with a ciggie in one hand and a smile on his face. I've no idea of who these people are. My mom would have said "Oh, that's your old uncle Sid." I've no idea of who Sid was . The rest of the pics are ex GF's, cats and dogs and a few cars and holiday pic's. No interest to anyone yet I can't bring myself to cull the collection.

I did do the right thing with my grandfathers old school stuff. He had left a suitcase with sports medals, photos and his old uniform. I knew a dog walking buddy was ex Wellington Boys College and he turned out to be the archivist. So he VERY gratefully received the stuff and had a lot of it in the centennial display.

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by Superman

Ugghhh, Craig. Sorry. Not just for the real estate but for the mementos she cared about for you. I'm sentimental. Which is why getting rid of those pics is such a big deal to me today. I decided I should have that drink after all. It's happy hour somewhere. I'm pretending to be on east coast time.

Time to move on. It seemed life would get easier the older you get but sometimes new crap just pops up out of nowhere.

Interested in a "Pre-Caitlin" Bruce Jenner autograph?

[Cloggie]

Originally Posted by Superman

Glad you posted, Cloggie. Perhaps this is a thread for getting stuff off our chests. Perhaps, as Dixie suggests, something that gets us closer to closure. Leaving out the excruciating details but just saying "I have pain here---->________ and I'm letting that go."

Yes, Dixie is right.

Disposing of artifacts from unhappy times sort of going from having a scab over a grievous wound to having scar tissue.

With the scab, you pick at it, the bleeding starts again and the wound is reopened with all its suffering,

Let it turn to scar tissue, it's still there, a mark of a lived life, but it no longer hurts, no temptation to reopen it.

It's now just a part of who you are.

You know, it's funny, you read over stuff in PARF, some persons being vehemently angry and engaged in the debate.

..and you just know, if we could meet face to face, over a drink or ten, we'd probably stagger out at the end of the night, swearing fealty and friendship until the ends of our lives.

D.

[wdfifteen]

What a timely subject, Supe.

Just a couple of days ago Vicki and I were standing on the pool deck watching the water drain out of our pool.

We were really going to enjoy that pool. Now we're watching it drain away.
It was a perfect, if watery, metaphor for our lives.





So many of our hopes and ambitions are behind us.

She takes a weekly trip to Goodwill or a consignment shop with clothes we’ll never wear again.

ReHome has gotten some of my tools, some of her sewing machines, the board games we kept for the grandkids, some of my model car/truck/tractor collection – miscellaneous stuff …

Last year I sold my truck and I just gave one of my cars to my son.

Empty shelves, empty spaces - empty pool; they are both depressing and kind of a relief. It takes a lot of energy to own things, and to have hopes, and dreams, and ambitions – more than I realized. More than I have.

[pwd72s]

wd? Hope nothing comes up that makes you wish you had one of those tools you gave away...Saying that, I did give away my 911 Valve adjusting feeler, the MFI adjustment tools, and a snap-on 13mm dizzy wrench. Pretty sure I'll never need them.

[LWJ]

This thread has me sort of all mixed up. There is clearly loss. There is also resolution and forward movement.

I lost a good buddy last week. My work has changed significantly. My children are mostly grown and I am tipping into a new phase of things.

Peace to you all. This life thing isn’t easy.

[Racerbvd]

The older I get, the harder it is to go through pictures. I generally post a lifetime as it gets close to my birthday, but, as some may remember what I went through last year at this time, I was in a very bad place because of the losses I had in such a short time, sadly, I'm not any better this year, not the same losses, but just not in a good place
The pain is real and the support is getting smaller every day .

[pwd72s]

Byron...hang in there. Become a member of COB...we Crusty Old Bastids always welcome another to our ranks.