A divorce question

[rockfan4]

No, not my divorce.

After almost 5 years of marriage, my step-daughter has seen what her mother saw the moment she met the guy. He's no good.

When their daughter was born, I made the decision I didn't want my granddaughter to grow up in a s**thole, so we bought a house for them to live in. They're supposed to write us a check every month to cover expenses, but that doesn't always happen. But that's not the issue.

She (my step-daughter) wants him out of the house. He won't accept the divorce papers from her, so she's having him served today. If I understand things, that still wouldn't force him out of the house, she would have to obtain a restraining order against him for that to happen. As far as we know, he's never been physically abusive toward her, but plenty of verbal abuse. Am I right, or at what point does he have to leave the house?

Related question- we have State Farm, and they would only insure the house as a rental. Since it's family living there, is there any insurance that would cover the house as a second home? When we visit we stay in a hotel, not at the house.

Thanks.

[wilnj]

Divorce laws vary greatly from state to state. If he’s an f-up the quickest road might be to treat him like a squatter and pay him to leave.

[cockerpunk]

cant you as the owner evict him?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

cant you as the owner evict him?

That was where I was headed...I talked to my son a few minutes ago about some upcoming events, he is a lawyer in Virginia, and asked him what he thought: "Have him call the local DA in his county...if the guys name is not on the title, should be easy...the hard part is what is next...with the dude".

[matthewb0051]

If you own the home, he has no property interest. And if there is no lease agreement, he really doesn't have a legal right to reside there but for your generosity. You may want to check with the Sheriff or DA or attorney that you retain, to see if you can do a criminal trespass warning after demanding in writing that he leave the residence. Then if he returns it would be a misdemeanor trespass. Not sexy but could get his attention.

With that said, you could be estopped from taking action since you've allowed him/them to reside there. It would be nice if you had your agreement for the expenses. He/they would be in breach and that could help.

Totally not my area of expertise nor advice. Just some thoughts.

[gacook]

I vaguely remember (in Arizona) when we got divorced, one of us was "expected" to leave the shared domicile. I say vague because this was 17 years ago...and I really don't recall all the details.

Sorry your daughter is going through this. If he's "bad," it might be worth your time to go help her leave the situation and deal with the house stuff later. My current wife was in a situation like that (her husband WAS physically abusive). Her dad went to Oregon, picked her and her boys up and moved her back to AZ.

[rockfan4]

Thanks.
I'm going to wait and see if him getting served the divorce papers make him wake up and realize this is happening.
We wrote up a lease the first year they were there, but they've been there almost 4 years. We never wrote up another one.
Neither of them have sent any expense money for April, and May is a couple days away.

[Alan A]

Evict them both then re-lease to her may be a faster solution.
Or a 2x4 with a nail in it. YMMV and all that - IANAL.

[911 Rod]

Go face him man to man and ask him what he wants.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

Go face him man to man and ask him what he wants.

[3rd_gear_Ted]

Her wanting him out is just part of the dynamics of what is going on.

Her wanting him to change his ways is what she really wants, with all due respect.

Becoming a Father was her expectation that the change she hoped to have happen would occur.
Now, a roof over his head is being used to try to manipulate his behavior to change.
If she won't leave the situation for the daughter's sake temporarily at least, you got a real problem in more ways than one.

I was a big fan of Dr. Laura, its all about the kids at all cost

[rockfan4]

Originally Posted by 3rd_gear_Ted

Her wanting him to change his ways is what she really wants, with all due respect.

This is true. This was not a snap decision.
She's tried this, multiple times over the last several years. He swears he will change. They go to counseling. Eventually he stops going, then reverts to his previous behavior.

At this point, she has realized he can't or won't become the man she wants to be with.
Nor does she want to accept his current behavior.

[Crowbob]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

This is true. This was not a snap decision.
She's tried this, multiple times over the last several years. He swears he will change. They go to counseling. Eventually he stops going, then reverts to his previous behavior.

At this point, she has realized he can't or won't become the man she wants to be with.
Nor does she want to accept his current behavior.

If so, the situation is more her fault than his.

[911 Rod]

My previous divorce advice from professionals was to never leave the matrimonial home until you have signed papers from both parties.

[rockfan4]

I don't want to discuss who's fault it is the marriage isn't working out.
They live in Iowa, it's a no-fault divorce state.

Personally, I don't have anything against the guy. But I deal with him in very small doses, a couple days every couple of months. My stepdaughter doesn't confide in me what's going on, I get it relayed through my wife. I'm more concerned that she and the granddaughter have a safe place to live. If you're thinking my stepdaughter should move out and leave her daughter with the husband, based on what has been relayed to me, that's a bad idea.

[Rot 911]

I can’t even begin to count the number of cases like this I dealt with in the past. Anyways, you can’t just quickly evict either one of them. If they have lived in the home more than 30 days, they are now tenants. You have to follow the eviction law in that state if you want to get either one of them out. Depending on the state, the ex parte order of protection for verbal abuse, is either going to be easy or hard to get. Your stepdaughter’s attorney will certainly know more about that than me as I never practiced law in Iowa.

[Cajundaddy]

Find a good attorney in your state that handles this sort of situation. I would personally get daughter and grandchild out of the house and in a safe place first. After that I rather like the idea of having a man to man with him and ask him his intentions as the rightful owner of the property. If he has a substance abuse problem he probably always needs cash so he might take $1000 to just walk away. If not you can go to plan B.

Showing up with a wood chipper behind your pickup and asking if he would like to help out on a project tomorrow. You've got some brush that needs clearing out in the woods and you will pay him $500 for his help. It shouldn't take very long....

[dad911]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

Thanks.
I'm going to wait and see if him getting served the divorce papers make him wake up and realize this is happening.
We wrote up a lease the first year they were there, but they've been there almost 4 years. We never wrote up another one.
Neither of them have sent any expense money for April, and May is a couple days away.

I don't think I would wait, legal eviction may take months.

From google, so not sure but it's the same here in NJ:

In Iowa, if a tenant stays on after a fixed-term lease ends, the tenancy typically converts to a month-to-month tenancy, meaning the lease continues on a month-by-month basis unless one party provides 30 days' notice to terminate.

I'd think I would serve them both 30 day notice as they were both party to the original lease and see if he leaves peacefully also.

I'd also either take in or help my daughter and her kids into a different (secure)place, and rent it to a 3rd party for at least 6 months in case he comes back.

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

If so, the situation is more her fault than his.

I disagree. You give your partner some rope, when there is a kid involved

[Skillet83]

Originally Posted by dad911

I don't think I would wait, legal eviction may take months.

From google, so not sure but it's the same here in NJ:



I'd think I would serve them both 30 day notice as they were both party to the original lease and see if he leaves peacefully also.

I'd also either take in or help my daughter and her kids into a different (secure)place, and rent it to a 3rd party for at least 6 months in case he comes back.

Non payment of rent in Iowa is a 3 day notice, no payment, goes to court, typically small claims. He can be gone in under 3 weeks.