I got into a conversation with a good friend about narcissism.

[speeder]

Now you guys have gotten me completely confused.

[rcooled]

Originally Posted by vash

...and he started telling me his stuff. He never asked me a single question about my day.

I notice this a lot with car people. When I'm at a C&C with my old VW, someone will usually come up and ask what year it is. After telling them, they'll immediately launch into a tedious monologue all about THEIR car...what a smokin' deal they got on it, all the work they've done to it, etc, etc. The conversation never circles back with any followup interest in my stuff. That initial question just gives them an 'in' to start talking about themselves.

For this very reason, there are some regulars at my local C&C that I'll go out of my way to avoid so as not to get tangled up in one of those 'I-me-mine' conversations.

Friendship is a two-way street. True friends don't see others merely as an audience for their own drama.

[LWJ]

Yep. Family and co-workers.

You can't fix some people. Keep your distance. Keep your engagement / disappointment to something that is tolerable.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

I'm definitely one variety of a narcissist and a selective misanthrope, among other things.

I am a good listener I think. Most people I meet or are friends with are fascinating people across the spectrum. I learn a lot.

[Steve Carlton]

So, kind of a self-centered, curious curmudgeon.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

I consistently test to INFJ-A. I'm hyper curious and don't know what I can't do so I do everything. I am both constantly amazed (in a good way) at the kind of people I meet and disappointed with everyone else.

I could go on but then I'd just be making this thread about me.

Seriously, I think some of my closest friends, we are all narcissists but also empathic idealists, so the combination really works for all of us as a tight knit group.

There are many people on this forum that I wish I knew, knew; I am aspirational to some of their personality types, intelligence, wisdom, etc. But they are too far away.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by Steve Carlton

Perhaps we should add Paranoia to this discussion...

+1

(Rambling here like most of my posts )

Schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder were my initial thoughts about a friend.

I said "That's something a narcissist would say." That ended our "friendship. The person did not care for that at all.
They are disorder(s) and by no means an idiosyncrasy.

(I am aware of the Johari Window and I know I was part of the problem but damn when they go off the rails with abby-normal behavior it is scary)


.

[Dixie]

Everyone claims they know a narcissist, but no one admits they're one.

[thingmon]

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. 🤪

[oldE]

I've learned to embrace being wrong. It means I've learned something.
I used to worry about making decisions so I wouldn't fail. That was a big mistake right there.

[Otter74]

[QUOTE=vash;12507010example, if he went fishing and caught fish, I start up asking questions, engaging with him. what did it bite on? where were you? WAS IT EXCITING??.

recently I called him and told him I finally went ocean fishing. NOTHING. I think I got a "no way, not me". and he started telling me his stuff. [/QUOTE]

This is familiar. Early this year my sister asked me if she could crash with me to come see Widespread Panic at the Chicago Theater in June. I said of course, but there's a good chance I'll be gone that weekend. You're welcome regardless. Come for as long as you like. Turns out I was going to be gone (we were at Ruchlos), so I didn't see much of her. A little bit the night before we left, a little bit more when we got home. That's OK.

We got home around dinnertime, and we had a couple of hours or so to hang out and talk. I asked her about her weekend and the concerts - both Panic and Billy Strings were in town, and she went to both (she *did* convert the rest of the family into Billy Strings fans); she told us all about it. She's entertaining, and can be a good storyteller. Also, at no point in the evening did she ask us a single question about our weekend. I may have mentioned a few things, and if I did she listened, but went back to her weekend. My partner never noticed this until I pointed it out.

I had given up a couple of years or so ago on having a relationship with my sister - I'd spent almost a decade trying, and not getting anything back. She would periodically go off on me on rants. The last time I had seen her was 2014. Last fall, on my birthday, she reached out and said she wanted to try to build back a relationship. Awesome! She's my sister and I love her. I'll take whatever I can get; I don't expect much, so I'm pleasantly surprised when I get more.

Despite all this I would not call her a narcissist, or even strongly narcissistic. Just rather self-centered. She's someone who lives in her own world and you have to meet her where she's at. That place is usually either Ridgway, CO (physically) or Widespread Panic and Billy Strings, which seems to be nearly the only things she talks about. She has been a Panic fan since high school (we're both about 50).

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Dixie

Everyone claims they know a narcissist, but no one admits they're one.

An egotist is someone who thinks about themselves more than they think about me.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

An egotist is someone who thinks about themselves more than they think about me.

Perfect. My Dad's going to love that one. His favorite line is "Enough about me, let's get back to (talking about) me."

[bob deluke]

I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong……