Ugh, Mom is at the end

[masraum]

About 6 weeks ago, my mom took my grandmother, her mother (99) to the Dr for a yearly check-up. A few days later, she was feeling poorly. She told me that she must have caught something at the Drs office. But it went on for about 3 weeks. Because she's in FL and I'm in TX and she didn't want me to worry or fuss, she downplayed how bad she felt. My aunt called and said that she was sicker than she let on and that I should come for a visit. I told mom that I wanted to come for a visit (but didn't tell her that my aunt had called or why). That's when she told me that she was feeling pretty bad. A day or two after I told her that I wanted to come in about 3 weeks, my aunt called. They'd gone to the ER because my mom was (and had been) having problems breathing. She had fluid built up in her thorasic cavity that had collapsed one of her lungs. They took 1.5L of fluid out of her and she felt better and was having a better time breathing. The following Mon, they got the results of the tests on the fluid that they'd removed, she had stage 4 lung cancer. It's not a huge surprise, she's 78 and has been a smoker. But I really wasn't expecting her to go quite yet. She's always been very peppy and didn't look her age, and her mother is still kicking at 99 (100 in Dec), and her mother's mother died in her early 90s. My mom and grandmother live within ¼ mile of each other. Granny does her thing, but my mom gets her groceries, chauffeurs her around to appointments, etc....

She said that there wasn't any specific prognosis because mom refused to be poked and prodded since she didn't plan to get surgery or go through chemo/radiation treatments, etc... I was told "months to a year". But I wasn't expecting more than 2-4 months. She's been having problems sleeping and hasn't been interested in food. She's been having to force herself to eat, and to eat high calorie stuff.

I texted her this morning and she texted back. My wife tried to call later in the morning and mom didn't answer. I texted when I got home from work and got no answer. An hour or so later, my aunt called, they were in the ER getting more fluid drained, and she was going to hospice to be comfortable. My mom told me that she didn't want to go back to her house or my aunt's house, but wanted to go into some specific hospice. But apparently, my aunt insisted that she go to her house, so that's where she is. I'm flying out in the morning.

It's been a hell of a day. When I got to work, my car was spewing smoke from the pass' side wheel well. I'm not sure what's going on, but last week, I hit 100k miles. WHen I got home, the wife went to pick up a prescription in her car and realized the tire was flat. I tried to put air in the tire with my compressor and the only used 3-4 times Milton chuck w/gauge, except that it was faulty, so I ended up having to use the compressor out of the boxster. I couldn't find a nail. The tire has an old plug, so I think that was the problem. I didn't want to have to worry about my wife driving when I wasn't going to be here, so I just got a new tire installed.

What an absolute crap day!

At least I'll be able to see my mom tomorrow. The hospice folks are going back in a "few days" according to my aunt, so I guess mom isn't imminent. I'd like to be able to hang out and chat with her. She's also going to want to tell me what all she wants done. I know my mom is ready and at peace. I guess I'm glad that it seems to be progressing quickly, because that's better than dragging on. Dad's been gone ~21 years. Mom's little brother has been gone a handful of years. Her older sister is still kicking (despite always being a bit of hypochondriac). My aunt's husband has been gone several years (was 20 years senior to my aunt, I think).

I am just not ready for mom to go. I don't want her dragging on to 100 (Granny's actually living on her own and doing pretty well, but doesn't really do much these days and isn't happy, she's past ready to go). We'd been waiting for granny to go and then we were going to bring mom here to us (she was going to do it).

Damn

thanks folks, sorry for the bummer, just had to vent. I've mostly just been trying to stay distracted and not think about it.

[jyl]

I’m so sorry to hear this. This wasn’t supposed to happen, you were supposed to have longer with your mom.

My wife is a death doula. She’s been with countless people at end of life. Her parents, our friends, friends of friends. Usually cancer. There’s things you can do, need to do, to make her passing as comfortable as possible. Even beautiful, though that’s hard to imagine right now.

PM me if you want to talk to her about it.

[pwd72s]

Damn Steve...I'm sorry. I know you'll be strong & do your best to make good decisions. In the meantime, know that all here are wishing you well.

[ben parrish]

Tough day. Tough situation and unfortunately, more tough days ahead. We are promised nothing and we are not here to stay. Go be with mom. Have the conversations you want to have. Love her and support her treatment plans. Be in the moment and soak up the time. Thoughts and prayers for your mom and you.
Ben

[herr_oberst]

Sorry Steve. My condolences to your whole family.

[fanaudical]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope you have some good time with your mom and you both find some peace.

[masraum]

Thanks folks. JYL, you have a PM.

[Noah930]

So sorry to hear of your mom's condition, Steve. It's never easy to see your parents like this.

[vash]

Steve. I am so sorry about all of it. you've had the toughest of days.

[DWBOX2000]

Thoughts and prayers.

[Baz]

Good evening Steve.....

Don't ever apologize for sharing stuff like this with your friends here. That is why we are here. To offer support when needed.

I'm very sorry this is all happening but am glad to hear your Mom has Hospice on board. They are an amazing resource.

It's important to have a support system for all involved. I know you have family and friends but also let us be there for you, as well.

Many of us have been through this and can relate.

One of my clients just lost her mother on Saturday, in fact. She was a co-resident at the same assisted living facility as my Mom was, so I got to know her pretty good. I gave my client a hug yesterday along with some homemade soup and a card.

Sending you a hug and prayers for this challenging time. Stay strong, brother....

[KFC911]

Best to you Steve as you go through this.

Be well...

[Alan A]

Sorry about your mother. It’s never easy.

One thing you won’t want to hear - but it’ll matter later on - make sure her will and everything to do with her estate is all squared away while she’s still compos. The FIL’s will was unclear - changed circumstances since he executed it years ago - and it was [and still is] contentious.

[billybek]

Sorry to hear that your mom's health is declining. Never an easy time.
I was there when my mom passed and regret not being there when my dad passed.
Best to you and your family during this difficult time.

[Bill Douglas]

Sorry to hear this Steve. Tough times and very stressful. She's lucky to have you.

[look 171]

Steve, I am sorry to hear. Get some rest and go be with your family. She will love to see you there.

[pmax]

Ugh sorry to hear about your mom.

All the best to her and everyone in the family.

Take care.

[brainz01]

Wishing peace and comfort to your Mom, you, and your family.

Sent from my CPH2451 using Tapatalk

[sc_rufctr]

Sad news... Lets hope for the best.

My own mother is 86 and she's declining everyday (early dementia).

[LWJ]

Wishing you and your family peace and acceptance. This can't be easy. We are all thinking of you.