I need some REAL dating advice...
 

Thoughts on whether to "swipe left" on women that a) have lots of cats and/or b) have horse(s)?

I've generally thought of both of these to be red flags, or perhaps not congruent with my lifestyle. But I'm open to perspectives from those that have BTDT.

As for me, I'm allergic to cats. I get that some cats can be really cute and personable, but I view that as the exception. Also, one cat is a pet - - multiple cats seems like a pathology. I'm not anti-pet - - I like dogs, but also don't feel a compelling need to have a pet right now. I've got plenty of other hobbies and things to do.

With respect to horses, I have almost zero experience, but I've heard anecdotes that make a Porsche hobby look cheap (with an "asset" that loses value and dies). I have zero interest in being a horse sugar daddy, but perhaps I'm thinking about this wrong: maybe a grown woman with a horse comes from money or makes good money? Maybe she's a sugar momma that likes to ride [things]? Or maybe just a broke horse girl....

Learn me.



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The cats thing - could be a red flag.

But, women seem to love horses (men too, of course). You won't know until you meet them. Don't rule out horse ownership - they may have other fantastic qualities and be a wonderful human being.

Are you still a Porsche/classic car owner? Some woman have reservations about men and spending all that time in the garage so it can go both ways.

Two cats maximum! If they have more than that, they have moved on to the crazy cat lady.

Horses, well that depends on what and where the facilities they keep the horse housed. If it is on a nice ranch with lots of room for horses, OK. If they are renting a stall at some crappy place, be cautious.

And showing up in a nicely maintained Porsche should help your chances.

Hah! "It can go both ways." Trouble is we don't see it that way and neither do they.

Can't comment on the cats or horse thing, but they certainly are very different circumstances. Some people think that pets need another animal companion. I've never heard that about a horse.

But if you find a well adjusted female with potentially lots of spare time for you, she's already married.

it depends on how desirable you are. truly.

I'm hot, so no cats. and I can get judgey if they dont look good in hats.

Long before dating aps,( or the internet, for that matter) were thought of, I was introduced to a girl who was deeply into horses. During that "double date", we stopped by a horse farm so the girls could check out the animals.
Almost three years later, I married her. Forty nine years after that, there are four equines in the barn, two dogs and an old cat in the house.
Get to know the person before you make up your mind.

Two cats maximum. If they have one of the tiny dogs, that seems like a red-flag to me.

Horses. Most of the women I've met that own horses, are snooty b-words. The exceptions were the ones that grew up on a farm. But the city girls that owned horses, especially English jumpers, not my type.

This hits hard!

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I grew up in a family of horse women: "A" rated Pony Clubbers (my mother was the President of the SoCal Pony Club Assoc.), 3 Day Event riders, rode in college, etc.

I know horse women, all the tribes.

As handy guide for women that are into horses, they fall into three broad categories:

- Dilettantes
- Horse Woman
- Insufferable freak shows

The first two are manageable...the third group is breathtaking in both their opinions and their willingness to share them without a de-mumblizer or an audience that cares.

You will know by the second date.

https://www.ponyclub.org/

I "dated" a girl that had a horse once. I REALLY enjoyed meeting her at the stables on the hay bales!!! [emoji3526]

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I dated a horse woman while living in NYC, her parents were billionaire class. She was insane. Her parents were lovely which made me think I was going to be a red shirt guy someday. Two months was all I could stand.

That's all I got.

I didn't know it when I married her, but I am now married to a "horse girl"

Might I ask roughly what your age is, or the age of the women you hope to meet?
Depending on age, kids might be more of an issue than horses.

If you find a girl who keeps her horse at a stable, where they provide all the care and she only goes there to ride, she's a girl of means and could be interesting.

If she has her own farm and 3 - 12 horses, they're her life and you're going to be the side distraction.

Horses do need a companion. Another horse, a donkey, a goat, they'll go nuts by themself. Ideally, at least 3 horses in a "herd". Cats just need servants.

One other thing. Part of training horses is "Ask - Tell - Demand" I find that working into our married life. I rear up at the "Tell", and buck and kick at the "demand".

This is helpful. I think I'm dealing with one of the first two. She grew up on a farm and appears quite pedigreed, but probably not trust fund rich. Very smart, high achiever, and plays polo, hence the horse (which she boards in the country).

But it's gonna take at least another date...

I've always avoided horses. This is new territory.

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Horses could be a red flag as well. There is a well known OF woman that runs a horse rescue as her day job.

Then again... that may not be a red flag. SmileWavy

Of course this thread is mute and also worthless without pics.

Nevertheless, the care and feeding of horses is about a billion times more expensive and time consuming than cats that you are allergic to.

Go from there.

You’re allergic to cats, so we solved that one!

Seriously, you won’t be happy and you won’t be able to spend time at her house and likely she will be harboring dander and fur on her clothing.

I don’t see an immediate problem with horses.

Best advice is to not change who you are for anyone, we’ll unless you’re an insufferable dick, then you’re overdue for a change.

Funny story time. My eldest child, who is on the autism spectrum said as a child: "When I grow up, I am going to have 11 cats, 3 dogs, an iguana, and an octopus." I responded: "if you do that, you will have zero boyfriends."

Child: "Ok. Then one cat!"

I was telling a co-worker. She says to me "Is that my problem?"

I asked her how many cats she had.

"Thirteen."

My response: "Yes."


I am still in shock I didn't get written up for that. Pretty damn funny in my mind.

wow.. tough crowd. you all must all be bachelor of the year types!!


I think if I was single, my choosiness is directly proportional to what I have to offer. or what the ladies think.

a cat is a pet. similar to a dog. how many they have might be a "?" but not a game changer for me. I wouldn't let it stop me from meeting the person for coffee or something.

I personally would be more freaked out if the lady collected dolls or something. hahahha...

Here's my opinion, take it for what it is worth; in the quest for true love, or even true like, I would never let something as silly and arbitrary as pet ownership or occupation get in the way, unless she had a job I consider disgusting. And by disgusting, I mean something that I consider immoral or unethical.

I get pulled aside for additional screening all the time, (more so when I was young), but it doesn't mean anything if the attraction isn't mutual. Goes the other way as well, I definitely am not one of those guys who can just do whatever he wants. I know guys like that. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone and there is mutual interest in spending more time together, small details are the last thing on my mind. It's such a rare occurrence and I am 100% ok with being single. Maybe I'm unusual but I've never understood people who "date" using some checklist like they are buying a work truck and it needs to have a certain towing capacity and a clean Carfax.

I'm pickier than I deserve to be based on my own looks and wealth but I've been freakishly lucky finding that *good crazy* type that just thinks I'm the cat's pajamas. I don't argue...never argue with a woman. Especially in matters of the heart.

I'm early 50s. Divorced after 20yrs. Two sons in HS. Will be an empty nester in 3.5 years. Getting dates is thankfully not an issue. Compatability however....

You are spot on regarding the kids. Side discussion: The dating apps are full of women in their late 30s and 40s (and occasionally 50s!) that say they want kids. I've dated down this [painful] road, and will now avoid a woman that says she wants kids. There's a large and growing population of highly successful (and attractive) women that have waited so long to have kids that they've aged out of realistically ever being mothers. And ironically, they're drawn to 50 year old successful men that are done having children...

Recent prospect is divorced, late 40s, no kids. Looks great on paper. Seems interesting in person. But I legitimately have no ability to judge the horse thing.

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