The Art of the Buffet ...by The Expert

[tabs]

This little guide to successfull Buffeting is written primarily for the novice Buffeter. However there maybe a few tips that the imtermediate Buffeter may learn from. However this author in no way can claim to be the penultimate Buffeter in the world. I know this to be a fact by the indentations and cracked sidewalks leading to the buffet. There is also further evidenced by the broken chairs that are lying by the service area of the Buffet.

So bon appetite and may you all become the penultimate in the art of the Buffet.

The first thing to do to get your monies worth at the Buffet is to have a good appetite...so eat lightly before you partake of the bounty that a Buffet has to offer.

Second many Buffets have a Seafood day in which they offer speciality items that are not on the regular bill of fare. These are the items to concentrate on if your grazing.....ahhhh I mean Buffeting.

Limit your Starch content....Breads, Potatoes, Rice , Oriental Noodles and pastas are designed to fill you up on low cost items. In other words stick to the premium items., such as the Roast Beef, various fish dishes. etc.

Your visits to the Buffet line should be specialized. Usually the pass through the line is for a salad course, emphasizing the speciality salads that are ofered. The second pass* is to pick and choose a bite or two of various items to see which ones are the most tasty to your pallet. I would recommend that you leave daylight between items rather than pile the plate high. Remember you can go back UNLIMITED TIMES ....until you gouge yourself so full that you can't walk anymore. Also a little excercise between courses, not only gives a break but provides excercise to work off a few of those calories you've just consumed. The 3rd pass is the MONEY pass thats where you pile up on those Speciality items like Shrimp, Lobster, King Crab, Prime Rib. If your an especially hearty grazer than a fourth pass maybe required. Finaly don't forget to leave room for those tantalizing deserts. Again I would say pick the speciality items that a Buffet offers, you can always get a piece of Apple or Lemon Merigue Pie. Go for the Creme Brule, or or Cheese Cakes that are offered. One final piece of advise to go lightly on the beverage consumption as it also tends to fill you up on a low cost item. I would recommend Ice Tea as it's sugar content is low (U determine the amount of sugar in it).

So there you have it the guarnteed way to make a Buffet Operator cringe by getting more than your monies worth each and every time. This author has upon occasion had Buffets close because he was spyed to be on his way in by the Operator before he entered the door, and it often the case that an operator complains that I've been through the line too many times and asking when I might be leaving.


* For the light eater skip the second pass and GO FOR THE MONEY PASS on the second trip through the line.

[Adam]

Originally posted by Tabdul the Prophet:
So there you have it the guarnteed way to make a Buffet Operator cringe by getting more than your monies worth each and every time. This author has upon occasion had Buffets close because he was spyed to be on his way in by the Operator before he entered the door, and it often the case that an operator complains that I've been through the line too many times and asking when I might be leaving.

LMAO! Thanks for the laughs, Tabs.

[Moses]

Don't like buffets. Can't stand them. I spent most of my life eating "cafeteria style". First was high school, then college. A brief reprieve in medical school, then the pure gustatory hell of a four year residency where you sample the worst offerings a hospital kitchen can produce; Cafeteria style. Three times a day.

I've eaten at some amazing Vegas buffets. Not complaining about the quality of food, just the soup kitchen presentation. If I have to stand in line to eat, I'd rather skip dinner. Maybe I need a "buffet runner" so I can sit on my butt with a cocktail while the runner keeps my plate full. Now there's an idea!

[dad911]

My favorite buffet was at the Parisian (Vegas). First time I didn't leave a french restaurant hungry!

[Adam]

I actually quite like the breakfast buffets, offered by 5-star/resort hotels.

I once stayed at the Rasa Sayang hotel in Penang, where they served a mouth-watering array of breakfast meats, eggs, pancakes, breads/crossiants, cereals and fruits in an open-air dining area in the gardens, near the pool.

It opened around 6:30am and carried through right until lunch. It seemed like a waste to me, actually. They had mountains of food leftover, which probably got thrown out or served up again the next day!

I might have to change my vacation plans and come to Vegas, to sample the decadent "buffet" lifestyle.

[tabs]

Originally posted by Moses
I need a "buffet runner" so I can sit on my butt with a cocktail while the runner keeps my plate full.

That "Runner" is called a wife........

My Dad's first cousin John was marriied for over 50 years when he passed away in 1994. I was sitting at dinner with him at his sons house, and he would say to his wife, "Stella can you get me another piece of toast, with some butter on it." Stella can you get me another cup of coffee, with some sugar and cream in it." Stella can you get me my pills." Come to think of it ole John did die of an overdose of his medication???? HMMMM

[Bill Douglas]

Good advice... Good advice...

My stategy is I tend to do 2 mains, and 3 deserts, plus a good bottle of pinot noir to wash it down.

The mains tend to be lobsters, prawns, raw oysters, and light salad as my healthy gesture. Then the sort of deserts that I wouldn't eat at home. I quite like talking to the Asians from bus tours, and giving them advice on which dersets to eat.

[COLDBASS]

Lobster Trap Oxnard, CA Sundays...havent been there in a few years, but always enjoyable...

[expat]

And to ensure you don't feel disappointed after your culinary foray, wear loose clothing that allows you to ...ummm....errr...stretch out.

If you want food (sorry... value) for your money, I also recommed don't stop eating. Once you stop, it's hard to get going again.

Ohhh and a good point by Bill about salad. Should always finish the mains with something healthy just to make you feel you've done the right thing, especially after gourging half a side of an animal.

[cmccuist]

Tabs, you are so right about the starches! They put that stuff right up front so you'll load up on that. The breads, potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese - if you hit that first, you're playing right into thier hands.

My wife will always load up on veggies. I tell her we can buy twenty cans of peas and green beans for what we're paying here. And definitely take advantage of the fact that you're entitled to unlimited trips. Sample all the good stuff in small portions and stay away from the "sucker" food (cheap and filling) like spaghetti.

[dtw]

I think it is very important to know that there are dire consequences to ill-prepared buffeting. Tabs provides excellent tips, but I just want to underscore that you must have the right preparation and fortitude to take on Olympic-level buffeting. If you don't, you can run into a situation like this:

NOTICE: If you are easily entertained by bathroom humor and have no pretensions to high-minded humor, proceed to the link below. Otherwise, you may wish to close this window now.

http://shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm

[vash]

i remember once seeing a article on proper serving size. some that i remember off the top of my head: meat, size of a deck of playing cards, cheese, size of two players dice, and potato is the size of a computer mouse. by my calculations, my last visit to the harrah buffet in lake tahoe could have fed my entire nuclear family. i dont think i will do the buffet very often anymore.

one thing that i learned from that crazy squatter family from taiwan, is that our serving sizes are way over the top. they ate so little, but were full. andtheywereskinnyasses.

[VINMAN]

I avoid buffets at all costs. way to much left out and recycled food!
As a firefighter, I've had many late night and after hours fire calls to restaurants and local eateries. After seeing various kitchens and related things, the way that food is stored (or not stored). It significantly cut down on the number of restaurants I will eat at.
We have three big buffet places in town. And I could tell you, they are the landfills of eateries. The funniest thing is, the most "exclusive, classy" restaurant in town, had the filthiest most disgusting kitchen and walk in freezers I have ever seen.

[Moses]

In the 1760's it was noted that colonists in America were, on average, 2" taller and 20 pounds heavier than thier relatives in England. Why? The buffets!

(Actually, it's probably due to the protein-rich diet in the Americas. Most of Europe was looking for an extra helping of gruel while the colonists ate venison and other game.)

[vash]

just what is "gruel"? my only reference so far is, wizard of ID.

[tabs]

Gruel is what they serve at the Circus Circus Buffet....

[}{arlequin]

When there's nothing else around I can enjoy a buffet, but only once or twice a year. There's just something about it that brings to mind too many images of a feeding trough....

[turbo6bar]

After reading "The Art of the Buffet," I must ask the obvious question: How does tabs keep the groupies at bay??? I'm serious.

[juanbenae]

they may catch on to tabs eventually, making him weigh in and out and charge by the pound. like when you go to the dump with a large trailer and they weigh you for cost.

does hot air weigh,,,, tabs?

[tabs]

Originally posted by k911sc



does hot air weigh,,,, tabs?

No...but I do dispell quiet a bit of it after I have bin to a Buffet....