Thought your parents were strict? Read this...

[Rufblackbird]

Just received an email from my dad. He's not happy with the fact that I'm going on a cross country roadtrip. Mom also confirmed yesterday that she will be joining me, not because she wants to, but because she doesn't want me doing it alone. Here's the email in its unedited form:

>>>>>>>>>>>
Stupid, spoiled and irresponsible kid:

I am seriously warning you that you should know the consequences of your stubborn action, i.e. your insistence of driving across the U.S. continent.

If you won't return to home by the 28th, August I will confiscate your notebook computer.

If you won't return to home by the 30th, August I will cancel your privilege to use any computer in my house.

If you won't return to home by the 1st, September I will beat you when you act abnormally.

If you cannot find a job by the end of September I will kick you out of my house.

Most important, if your mom get hurt you will not be allowed to come back to my house.

Think about it over and over.

Because you hung up the phone you owe me an apology for your rudeness or you will be punished.

Your poor old father
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I think he doesn't realize that I'm 23, and that I can take care of myself...

[VaSteve]

Jeff,

As I recall, you're in the military. What did they say about that? I would have to say that driving across country (even in a Porsche) if far less dangerous that some of the stuff you will do/have done in the military.

Is there more to the equasion that we don't know about? You are still talking about driving across the US, right?

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Tell me that's at least a LITTLE tongue-in-cheek. . .

They don't realize that a cross-country trip is an experience you'll cherish for quite a long time. My wife & I took three months and did the same thing when I got out of grad. school and we saw more things, went to more places, met more people, and had more fun than a lot of people do in their entire lives. We still talk about it like it was yesterday, and the trip was five years ago. Free time is so rare when you enter the working world; life can quickly go from a groove to a rut. I'd think someone older (like your dad) would understand that. Maybe he's just jealous. Dunno.

Take your time, enjoy it and DO IT! No regrets. There's nothing like seeing the Saint Louis arch at dawn, the sunset over the rocky mountains, the beauty of the Grand Canyon, the quiet permanence of the painted desert, etc. How many people ever get to see such things while they toil away at their miserable corporate slave "lives"? Go do it, your dad has his head up his keister.

And move out of their place - then they can't try to blackmail you. You'll find that things change right quick after that - I know this from experience.

[mikester]

Dad sounds a bit crazy with power there...PErsonally I wouldn't let mom in the car.

If you're *23* and he's threatening to beat you - he's go some issues there...reup.

[project935]

Dude, you're 23 and doing fine on your own in the military.

Take your trip (solo or w/a friend - not w/Mom) and be sure to update your parents as to your progress during the trip. Let them know of the Porsche community that is behind you on your adventure (if you've told them about the Porshe yet).

Stop by their house at the end of the trip and thank them for their support, but it's time to move on. It'll be rough and emotional, but they'll get over it and so will you. Get your own place/move in w/friends - cut the cord man!

[Superman]

Independence.

[Tishabet]

Dude, WHAT? You're 23 and you can't go without you MOM coming along? You have GOT to be kidding me. I am seriously astounded....what are your parents thinking?

[yetidave]

Sounds like my Father.

You're 23, take away his power to threaten you. Move out and support yourself, its the only way you'll get out of this with any self-respect. Trust me on this, I'm speaking from experience.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Geez, when I moved from NY to AZ it was just me and the cat in my pickup across the US. I ran out of money & maxed my credit card somewhere near Amarillo, Texas. I was SOL and on my own.

When my sister drove from NJ to OH my parents gave her a Visa with no limit and a cellphone so she could check in every few hours. Seven years later she still checks in every few hours.

Parents are weird. I've found that my relationship with mine is almost tolerable when there's 2500 miles separating us. I highly suggest some serious time away from yours.

[Overpaid Slacker]

Jeff, cave now and you will forever be a broken man.

Not to get too far into your kitchen or anything, but is your dad so hypebolic b/c your mom has goaded him into it? Is she the prime force of resistance (I seem to remember you saying she was)? If so, she's probably making your father's life miserable by venting on him.

If that's the case, in these situations in the past, I've advised friends (or girlfriends with overbearing battleaxe moms) to tell their "poor" fathers something like the following:

"OK, dad, you've threatened me as best you know how, discharging your obligations to mom, whose obviously browbeaten {or p'whipped, but that's a loaded term} you into this. So now you can't be responsible when I do what I'm going to do anyway."

You could add -- "Mom is not coming; she doesn't need to. I can put condoms on all by myself now." If you want to end on a high note.

Forgiveness is much easier gained than permission.

JP

[lendaddy]

Not to be an ass, but if you live with the old man/you play by his rules. I don't care how old you are. Is he being over-the-top? Yea, sure but that's his right if you live with him. I would advise being home on time and assuring him that you are responsible enough for the trip. When you come home on time with little incidence, you will climb a few pegs in his book. Or you can say fine, I'm moving out anyway, in which case it really doesn't matter

Parents generally do what they think is right for you, even when they're wrong if you get what I'm saying. Have a ball and be safe.

[RANDY P]

Just get out there and do it - let 'em get pissed.

Used to get that a lot too (Fillipino parents) when I was younger (like, up till 15 Y/O) - until they realized I'd call their bluff -

I went anywhere I wanted to and if I got kicked out - cool - a week at Frank's house. Once they sent me to HI for a year since they thought I was out of control (McKinley H.S. Oahu) - big misake! Punishment for them was I didn't talk to 'em the entire time I was down there, and when I finally got back to WA they never F@#ked with me again.

I'm not a bad kid, I'm responsible and managed to make it this far with no drug addictions or illegtimate children. Even have a good paying job.

Mom still worries WAY too much still, but they leave me alone and we're all happy. But, they're also miles away in LV

[TerryBPP]

I agree with len. If your living with your parnets and have 2 p-cars maybe its time to do some prioritising. Sell a car and move out.

[azasadny]

Man, you need to cut that umbilical cord! You're 23 years old, not 14!! Live on your own and don't depend on your parents and then they can't make threats against you. Just my .02 worth!

[vash]

damn effing glad my parents dont know how to use a computer. i got phone calls, and with caller ID. that will show them.

i feel your pain man. brings back memories. but the same thing happened to me. i wont go into any details, but let's just say my bro and sis, knew how to keep their mouths shut, and now have more money than i do. i was cut from the will, and my mutual funds my dad built up for me were closed out (nice house mom). i fought the system.
my dad passed away, and now my mom respects me (at least in my mind) more than my siblings. she tells me i am the only kid she doesnt worry about anymore. and i did it ALL to piss her off, try showing up to thankgiving dinner with a date of a different ethnic color. uncomfy. independence, TAKE IT NOW! schit dude, move to the bay area. i know some 23 year old hotties that make me want to freeze myself until they get older.

it got so bad between me and my mom, that everytime she did something to me, i would tell her friends like it was casual conversation. typically during her majong festivals. "oh, yea, mom took me out of the will", "oh hi mrs wong, mom tossed me out of the house last weekend" i painted a huge dysfunctional family image. it was reverse chinese terrorism.

all you non chinese folks, rent "joy luck club"

[speeder]

When you first posted about your Mom and the road trip on another thread, I thought that it was a fairly strange family dynamic for an adult male in the military but did not comment.

Since you are posting this for comments, (I assume), I would say that this is a really good time to change that dynamic permanently and profoundly. You will need to assert your independence and put your foot down, or suffer your entire life. It can't be OK to be treated like retarded 9 yr. old when everyone around you is living as a grown man, right? You mentioned that you've never had a GF, yet from pictures posted you are a nice-looking guy w/ a 911 who is in the military. Something is wrong w/ this picture, and it's your family.

Lay down the law, w/o being abusive or angry, but be firm and stick to your guns. Let them deal w/ it however they want to, that's not your problem. They're nuts, and it's contagious. Get away from them. To treat a 23 y.o. like that, (taking away privileges as you would to a 5 year old), and your Mother insisting on riding w/ you on a cross-country trip?? Are you frikkin' kidding me? These people have issues, get some outside help and start living a normal life. Dating and other normal activities will soon follow. Good luck.

[Z-man]

So what is the punishment if you don't come back at all!?!

I think someone's got some boundary issues here! This sounds like a classic case of enmeshment: this is a very unhealthy type of relationship!

If you live with your folks, they do have some control over what you do and do not do, but IMHO, that should be limited to stuff relating to the living arrangement: ie: gas/electric bills, mowing the lawn, what time to come in at night...etc. What you do with your vacation shouldn't be their worry.

If you're worried about your father taking your notebook computer - then simply take it with you!

I seriously think your relationship with your folks would improve if you move out. Get an apartment and start doing stuff for yourself. But regardless of whether or not you move out, parents will always want to control their kids - it is in their nature. In your case, they have done it for the last 23 years. It seems that you are ready to change that, but bear in mind that it will be very difficult for them to change their ways. Practise patience, and stand firm on the boundaries you set between you and them. (Do this even if you don't move out!)

Yeah, I've got issues with my 'rents as well - took a while to set boundaries, break old habits..etc. Trust me - once you've done all the difficult stuff to 'break away' from this situation, it will get better, but it will take some time.

Good luck!
-Z-man.

[pbs911]

Why not really piss them off and move back to Hawaii?

[Jason Porter]

Just leave man. Your parents ain't ever gonna respect you until you get out on your own and do what you want to do, whether they like it or not. I used to live at my dad's house, and he was a pain in the @$$! He always had his idea of my best interest in mind, but usually we don't want the same thing as our parents.

Now, after my very exciting road trip from NC to CA (stolen car, stripper, $7.00, bottles and bottles of vodka), I am my own man. You can't put a premium on your independence. I've straightened up, and I'm married and productive(). My pops and I have a much more mutually respectful relationship now.

BTW - My road trip is already copyrighted in script and book form.

[Rufblackbird]

Cliff,
I'm glad you chimed in. It's hard for most people to understand chinese parents...the term "reverse chinese terrorism" cracks me up!!

len,
definitely true...he says that ALL the frickin' time. I know it's time to move out, but since I just graduated from college this past december and went for air force tech school in april, I didn't really have that much time to get a good paying job to support myself. Besides, in Hawaii, wages are low and housing is expensive.

Guys,

I'm planning on going on this trip (starts Friday!) no matter what. I don't give two rat's ass about what he thinks or has to say. I've wanted to move out for a long time now, even attempted when I was 18, but my mom wanted to at least compromise. Guess that was good for a few years.

Yes, I'm in the military. Only part time weekend warriors, but went through the same basic training as active duty army. I'm in the air guard now, and life is much better. However, my parents have said that they've regretted letting me join the military (I was 17 so they had to give consent) because umm....how do I say this...I'm more independent since I do whatever I want to do. Uh..yeah. Something like that. And for some reason they're always *****in about how much debt I have and how I never contribute monetarily to the family. I don't, but of course, I've never complained when I had to fix one of their cars, or redo the floor in the bathroom, etc.

Still talking about driving cross country. Mom called yesterday to ask if the arrival time for the tickets she was booking was ok. She mentioned dad was mad, then dad grabbed the phone from her and started yelling. I started talking back ( ) and he kept going. At the time I was selling my vw pickup and we were in the process of signing the title over. I got tired of him and hung up. However, they should know that I have really bad reception on base and many times the phone just cuts off. So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I have done much more dangerous things in the military than driving...I don't know if they knew I'd be doing it in a Porsche would make any difference. And no...they don't know about the new purchase yet. Mom will see and find out about the '72 when I go pick her up from the airport tomorrow.

For me this is an once in a lifetime opportunity. I know I'm gonna go back home and work my ass off, pay off my debt, and all that good stuff. Probably will never have another shot at this, unless I become really wealthy.

I don't have a problem with mom...at least when I don't want to talk to her when she's pissed, she'll calm down then try to talk things out. Besides, I think it'll be better for me AND her, as I'll probably spend less, and she'll get to see some sights she's never seen before. I believe mom is coming here against dad's wishes. I don't understand all this talk of wanting me to come home early, and if I don't I get kicked out?

The '76 pretty much belongs to them. They lent me the money for it, and right now it's partially stripped (but still runs). Since they have always doubted my abilities to finish restoring it (they've constantly told me to "cut the losses and move on," as all cars are investments to them ), I've decided that I will do whatever it takes to prove them wrong.

Thanks to all for your comments so far...