Edwards Stem Cell Remarks Spur Mullah Omar's Surrender

[Mule]

Edwards Stem Cell Remarks Spur Mullah Omar's Surrender

(2004-10-12) -- Mullah Omar, the one-eyed Muslim cleric and top deputy of Usama bin Laden, announced today that he was inspired by John Edwards remarks about stem cell research and he will surrender to the United States during the Kerry administration so he can get a new eyeball.

"I'm tired of being described as 'the one-eyed' cleric," said Mr. Omar through a translator. "President Kerry will divert the billions now wasted in Iraq to fund stem cell research that will cure all diseases, make the lame to walk and the blind to see. And that's just during his first term."

The one-eyed cleric's remarks came after Democrat vice presidential candidate Edwards today promised the Kerry administration would use stem cells from human embryos to make people like the late Christopher Reeve ambulatory again.

"As an inmate in a federal penitentiary, Mr. Omar will certainly have the finest healthcare in the free world," said Mr. Edwards, who is also a U.S. Senator. "And thanks to the miracle of embryonic stem cells, he'll have two working eyeballs which he can use to study American law books as he prepares his appeal in the prison library."

[mtelliott]

Do you make this stuff up or do you find it somewhere? Darn funny.

[techweenie]

It came from a 'pundit' who contributes to http://www.jewishworldreview.com

Here's another:

Bush surrogates smear Kerry with senate record

Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today charged President George Bush with using surrogates to "do his dirty work" by distributing excerpts from the Congressional Record which chronicle Sen. Kerry's accomplishments in the Senate.

The one-page document details all the significant legislation Mr. Kerry has written during the past two decades, including his major healthcare reform initiatives and measures that strengthened America's intelligence capabilities against terrorists.

"I know that I accomplished much more than this," said Mr. Kerry as he waved the single sheet of paper. "In fact, my achievements as a champion of significant legislation are seared in my memory. George Bush is using surrogates to do his dirty work because he doesn't have the courage to stand up in public and say 'John Kerry didn't do much as a senator.'"

At a news conference this morning, President Bush was asked what he thought of Mr. Kerry's record of accomplishment in the Senate.

Mr. Bush responded, "I'll get back to you on that. I started reading it last week and I'm only halfway down the page."

[SteveStromberg]

TW you need to boil the water before you make the orange juice

[djmcmath]

Both funny pieces. It's good to see election humor, instead of election hatred. I think we've reached the point where we know we can't change any more minds and we're just having fun with it now. Happy!

In any event, the one-eyed-cleric, if properly repaired, will then be known as the ex-one-eye-cleric, so he really doesn't gain anything from the operation. (sigh) Oh, well.

Dan

[mtelliott]

Originally posted by djmcmath
It's good to see election humor, instead of election hatred. I think we've reached the point where we know we can't change any more minds and we're just having fun with it now. Happy!


Dan

[island911]

Hold on there Mule. This story is deeper then just that.

You see, that while Mullah Omar, (Mr one-eye) was inspired by John Edwards remarks about stem cell research, he also made his surrender conditional on getting Christopher Reeves recently vacated "walking again" spot. . .and certainly before Michael Fox's Parkinsons cure.

But, that just may not happen. You see Kerry, seeing an opportunity to spread more false hope, has now promised the slot back to Reeve. ... in an effort to bring him back from the dead, AS WELL as walking again.

Kerry also added; "If only the rebublicans could imagine the magnitude of help realized from harvesting embryos, for new lotions and potions."

[hoff944]

It's good to see someone else from TN Mule. I'm just up I 24 from you. I thought Porsches were extinct in Chatanooga. I'm down there a bunch throughout the year and all I've ever seen was a 959 clone that sat a little too high at a body shop.

[Mule]

I was over your way last week hoff,

[hoff944]

What do you drive?

[Mule]

87 924 s4 red