How to deal with a Deadbeat Dad?

[jrdavid68]

edit

[Moses]

Originally posted by jrdavid68

Anybody have any advice out there?

Advice? Yeah. Let it go...really.

[turbo6bar]

Never been in those shoes, but I would evaluate the time spent, hassle, and aggravation of going after the father vs. simply dropping the matter. I base this on the fact CS will end next June. If the date was June 2010 instead of 2005, I would fight.

I sense this issue is really causing you some pain, and it's not just the money.
best of luck, jurgen

[island911]

Let it go.

From what I've seen, the law is on your side BIGTIME.

So, if it's not happeneing easily . . and $3k to an attorney isn't working. . . then the biological father is likely trying pretty damn hard to NOT pay . . .for whatever reason.

[Moses]

A friend of mine had his divorced parents do battle over child support when he was 16. It made him feel terrible. He felt like no one really wanted him around unless they were paid for it. He didn't want to be a financial burden so he ran away. Never went back.

[tabs]

Originally posted by jrdavid68
Long story, but will try to keep it short.

The wife?s ex cut his child support (CS) in half when his son turned 18 in May. CA law states that CS is paid until 18 unless the child is still in H.S. If so, CS continues until the child graduates or turns 19. The boy will not graduate until June.

this is seriously cutting in to our Porsche fund and track time!

I guess the entitlement is running out....YOu had me until you mentioned yur Porsche fund...I guess you have to reprioritize things...

[KevinP73]

What Moses say's, Let it go. When you start mixing "the children" and "money" the only ones to suffer will be the kids. The two should be complete and seperate topics. Sorry to hear his financial tactics are cutting into your "Porsche fund and track time" but consider what he losses by not having his children in his day to day life.

[island911]

Just another side note: Don't go calling him "Deadbeat Dad".

It sounds like the guy paid for the support of the kid up to 18. . . .and 1/2 currently . . .now it's a pissing contest about squeezing him for every last bit of money. . . for your Porsche fund. (that doesn't sound like the kids best interest is in mind there. Sorry, man)

[jrdavid68]

edit

[KevinP73]

"He's actually only been paying CS for the last couple years. The first six years he made the house payment for my wife and kids in lieu of CS and took the tax write of as well and that mortage was several hundred dollars less than what the CS would have been."
So what your saying is she couldn't even put a roof over the kids heads and now he's a "Deadbeat"? I sure hope you weren't living in the house while he made the payment.
"He then forced the wife in to selling the house in order to get the divorce final and the CS set."
I'd be willing to bet the house was listed as "community property" even though he made the payments. How long did she think she was going to get a free ride?
"The story goes on and on."
I'll bet it does, especially if we were to hear his side of the story.

So, how many of these comments come from divorced dad's?

ME !! Divorced twice with Two wonderfull daughters 13 and 27
And I have a very loving and close relationship with both of them DESPITE their mothers.

[jrdavid68]

edit

[turbo6bar]

The biological father has already proven he will use whatever means necessary to reduce his liability. You aren't going to talk him into paying, so obviously it's going to be a court battle. Are you prepared financially and emotionally to take the game to the next level?

I am not a father, but I am a landlord. I have learned you must be able to fight the right battles, regardless of who's right or wrong. Sometimes, the right course of action is hard to accept. The real question is what is the right course of action. I believe your judgement is clouded by past events, and I do not believe his paying CS will eliminate those doubts and issues.

I hope I don't sound too harsh.
jurgen

[island911]

What do you say to me, Jr?
I've never been divorced. . never been a Dad.

Though I was a "Deadbeat Dad" for about 4 days, when someone stole my ID.

I had a weekend to tenaciously research the topic. . . I was pissed. . they had sent a letter to my (then new) employer to garnish wages, and were claiming I had some illegitimate child. All because some guy made-up a SS# that happen to match mine.

What I learned;
Our society Steam-rolls any Dad who doesn't pay what society says that he should pay. OTOH, Some dad can stay married, keep his kids living in poverty, whilst he lives it up with hookers and gambling . . .and thats okay, since he is married. Once that marriage is broken, he is on the hook to pay an amount determined by bureaucrats. . . .And those bureaucrats are much more forceful than they are careful.

It's out of balance. While there is some "good" in enforcing some parental responsibility (of the father) there is little level of enforcing parental responsibility for the mother. (meaning, a woman can make a living starting questionable pregnancies. . .. mothers are paid (for the kids) by society . ..subrogated to the father. . . .fathers feel the direct-cost out-weigh the benefit .. .(time w/ offspring AND the direct-cost out-weigh the prospect of jail-time, et al. --now that has got to tell you something!)

[Superman]

Let it go.

[red-beard]

It took me 5 months to get the Alimony stopped for my ex-wife after she was married. I figured that she should return the money. Nope. The court just stopped the payments, that was it.

Do not expect _fair_ and equal treatment from a court. Expect whatever is easiest.

[dhoward]

Me too. And my ex is taking me back for more, even though she hasn't worked in 3 years. Talk about a free ride. I'm not too free with sending her a bunch of cash to blow, but I'm also very cognizent of my kid's needs. Oh, and they're 17 and almost 19.
Two sides....

[KevinP73]

Originally posted by jrdavid68
'nuff said. :-)

With all due respect David, this is a NO WIN topic for anyone, you, her, him or the kids. The only advice that I could share with you is to find the good things in life and focus on them. Teach the kids that life can be a good thing but it takes effort, sometimes it takes more strength than we ever knew we had.
Good Luck I have no doubt deserve the good things you search for.

[Wrecked944]

Serious question: What would be the best course of action for the kids' benefit? Their welfare should be not only the top priority but the only priority. Not to sound harsh but everyone else in this drama is irrelevant.

[jrdavid68]

edit

[tabs]

A Father is far more than making a Baby...a Fathers presence or lack thereof is felt until the last person who knows the child is gone.