Had that happen. It was not an interest issue, more geographic issue. She tried to say things just "happened."

BS. She was not raped, she was a willing participant.

After all of this, while I was single, I had the option of being "the other man". No way! It is not just an issue of "It's her marriage." I would be a willing accomplice in the end of her marriage. And if it's that bad, time to go.

Commitment. Trust. These are not just pretty words...

And as far as "Well, if she's screwed up in the head, fat, blah blah blah..."

Same thing. If you cannot deal with the situation, you need to end the relationship, _THEN_ move on. Many mnay people are not strong enough to do this.

huh?

Spouse alternated?




And

Applauds red-beard.

Well stated.

lifestyle...

I am in total agreement, end before start. Some don't believe in ending however, no matter how bad it is.

- RCM, before you met your bride in person did you ask her for a pic of her or her car first??!!

There is virtually nothing worse than tolerating an intolerable family life, but folks in that situation don't see it until they are on the outside. If I had a wife, I wouldn't mind if she cheated on me. As long as it was with another female and I got to watch. Kidding. Sort of.

And much of the time I have to wonder how males and females even get along. I've imagined that there are females out there that are intelligent, funny, outgoing, confident, sensitive, etc., all at the same time but that's not what happened to me. "Cool chick" seems to be something of an oxymoron. Present company excluded of course (I'm pointing no body parts at you, Cool_Chick)

Still, folks sometimes feel, and appear, as though they are deliriously happy with their mate and life could not be better. Sigh. I guess I'll rent another old movie and eat some chocolate. Maybe have a sex change operation.

Hey, I've got an idea for anther thread.

you are correct indigowhale, IMO that is not cheating.

Depends on where you got it. Mitchell Brothers? Probably.

That's a description of my wife. She's smarter than I am. And stronger, more confident, more sensitive, and better looking.

I could never get away with having an affair - she would figure it out. Good thing I don't want to anyway. There's no one out there who's better, and I'm a lucky guy. Isn't that why we get married?

hmmm,

ok

yes I have, am and are.

and have been on both sides of that fence !

Hmmm,

Well I got married to be monogamous, not celibate. If the wife choose to cut me off for too long a period I might consider it. But then I'd have to ask myself why she was no longer interested and if perhaps the marriage was already over and I'm just finding out. If we she stopped having sex with me for some other health related reason then I would have to help her through it. Do I look at other women? Absolutely, but I usually realize why I married my wife on those occasions. On balance I'd say my wife loves me more than I love her because by nature she is a very loving person and I am not. I love her to 100 percent of my capacity but that still falls short of her love for me in my opinion. Lately my stress level has been much higher than normal and as a result my sex drive has been down, my wife understands this and realizes during these times she needs to initiate things and I will follow through. Having someone in your life that understands you and works with you toward common goals is an important basis for a strong marriage, why would I throw all that away for a little attention from another woman?

nice to see that everyone here is perfect as opposed to human.

I've had friends that cheated and I thought it sucked. I've had other ones that cheated and I was almost totally sympathetic. It depends on the situation and the details. Sure, in a perfect world a person would get a divorce, then start over again. But I have yet to find a perfect world. Or a perfect person.

http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/7...selhoffrj8.gif

This is a test............

Its not worth it. Too much pain for a few hours of pleasure - is it worth it?. Not in this lifetime.

nice to see that everyone here is perfect as opposed to human.

Nostatic, Do not believe that any of us is perfect but as we get older realize whats worth risking and what is not.

I travel for a living and have come home and found out that my wife was with another person. It sucks and leaves a lasting impression on someone. Marriage ended a while later and not because of this issue.

Made up my mind then and there not to do it myself.

Joe A

true love is taking the early flight home from san diego and having two naked people jump out of the closet like some god-dam* magic show waiting to double team your wife

nope - wouldn't do it, but not for her so much, I couldn't look my son or daughters in the eye. I think I would feel more shame than it was worth - I guess I have an inflated opinion of myself but I want to believe I am better than that, at least I'm trying to be.

I got married at 24 years old. Been happily married for 22 years now. The whole concept of infidelity seems sort of absurd to me. Over the years, how many good friends have had marriages collapse due to "zipper problems"? Countless. It's always painful, destructive, and in the end, lonely.

No. Regardless of the situation, the emotional damage (all 3 parties) and safety risk are not worth it.

If you're tempted, extricate yourself from the situation, go home, cold shower, a wank, and be done with it.

Btw, I usually just lurk in OT (too hostile and unyielding most of time), but I have come to the conclusion that Cool_Chick is a Psychology/Sociology candidate, and this is just a provocative form of field research.

Put me down to read the thesis when it is complete. I need a laugh these days...

Actually, on second thought not Psych, but Cultural Anthropology.

I guess there are different "types" or definitions for "cheating". One would be a one night stand during the marraige where the cheater isn't looking to get out of the marraige, but just wants to "have some fun." Another would be where a marraige is in serious trouble, and one partner looks for some bit of intimacy outside. Another would be where its all over but the shooting, and one meets the right person and not quite the right time.

Maybe those are just rationalizations of the same thing, but I think that the details of the marraige and the affair might give a different take on the rightness or wrongness. Or maybe not.

It is interesting though that in the thread talking about the solider that shot the wounded Iraqi in the mosque, there were a number of people who argued that unless you have been in the situation, you can't really judge how you'd react. One could offer the same here...unless you've been in a *really* messed up marraige, you might not be able to predict whether you'd cheat or not.