Perhaps this has already been mentioned, and if so, please forgive.

The very fact that this has become such an issue smacks of obsession. Any kind of obsession can be dangerous, since it can cloud judgement.

As difficult as it may seem, walking away is sometimes the best alternative.

Curious how you're doing, bud. Are you reading this post inside a carboard box somewhere, or have you found you saved all that money for 11 years for no good reason?

Boom,

IMHO it's not worth the trouble, I have to talk to my 10yr old daughter about it everyday since her mom died of liver failure.

When you get the urge to drink go in the garage and find the largest ball pein hammer and drill yourself in the head, then pretend your hung over.

Sorry about the harshness, just too close to home for me

Doing fine but not drinking anymore. Shortly after my last update I got a serious case of the flu, it had been going around work as well as some of my clients and I was the last to get it. Anyway I got so sick I couldn't eat and if I did I couldn't keep it in my system. I was also throwing up my anti-anxiety meds. This lead to a serious urge to drink more than I wanted too. I realized that alcohol will calm the nerves but that lead to abuse in the past. Worried about my health I choose to stop drinking altogether as it would only make things worse. I proud of myself for that, I was able to walk away pretty easily before I crossed the line I had drawn in the sand. I also realized that I've been under tremendous stress lately which probably lead to me pushing myself to hard and then paying the consequences with this flu. In my entire life I have never been that sick and it really scared me, now that I am getting better and rebuilding my strength I've decided to take a hard look at my life, my diet, exercise, my smoking and stress management. I realized I have been taking care of everyone and everything else but myself. In short I'm making some changes. I've decided it's time to take better care of myself and smoking and drinking don't fit that new profile. I'm still low on energy and having some sleep issues but I did ride my bike today, I plan on getting back into my full exercise routine as soon as I've got my strength back. I spoke with my doctor and given my stress level he want's me to hold off on quitting smoking for a few more weeks while I work on stress management techniques and restart my fitness and lifting regime. I'm taking a multi-vitamin everyday and staying away from junk foods. Don't get me wrong, I'm going on 35 and in good health, I'd just like to keep it that way. Will I miss a glass of wine from time to time, sure I will, just like I'll miss cigarettes, junk foods, and lounging around rather than pumping iron, but I know I'll be happier and healthier in the end. I have proven what I wanted to prove, I am not an alcoholic. Now I want to extend that willpower to well-being and quitting smoking for good. Moving forward in my career will mean more stress and fitness and knowing how to handle it will be key to my success.

I used to choose not to drink for fear I was an alcoholic, now I choose not to drink because I know I am not one and because I want to be as healthy as possible. Maybe what I'm saying doesn't make a lot of sense, maybe it does, either way I can be happy in the knowledge that have the willpower to do almost anything I put my mind to and I've decided to use that power for better things.

I thank everyone who responded to this thread, I really appreciate the candor, honesty and concern. Almost brings a tear to the eye knowing so many people in this little community really care about others.

Tommorrow I see my doctor, we are going to go over stress management, proper diet and nutrition, and the persistant insomnia I've had for years.

Christian,
Sounds like you have a very level-headed approach to life and I'm sure you'll get through this temporary "rough patch" just fine and grow from the experience!

Last drink for me was April 18, 1986...one day at a time though.

Reading this thread is serving as TODAY's reminder that my acceptance not to drink again is the best "tonic" for my condition.

I don't have to struggle with your delimna today, not because I'm smart, or because I'm "good", but because I see what you're going through and I can see what delimna awaits me when, or if, I start believing I might someday be able to drink normally again.

PS...though...you need to also realize that the WORST thing that could happen if, or when, you take your next drink would be that "nothing at all" will happen (which is probably what WILL happen). With every relapse I've had, I said to myself, "see, I didn't turn into a pumpkin! nothing's wrong with me! I'm free to drink as I wish!" But, w/out exception, that thinking proved wrong.

It's as much (maybe more) mental, as physical. The mental says "maybe this time...", then the physical kicks in and, voila, drunk again. This can take anywhere from a week, to 10 years if your truly alcoholic. (which makes one wonder, why would anyone that doesn't have issues with alcohol really spend their energy on this subject in the first place?)