"Where the hell are you?"

My wife 20 minutes ago, calling me on my cell after not getting an answer when she called my office....

Today - a call from our receptionist:
"Mr. Holloway, would you be the one to accept a summons from a Federal Agent on behalf of the lubricants division"? "Mr. Holloway? Are you there Mr. Holloway?"

Today is better:

"Did your Porsche catch on fire yet?"

I've been asked this question almost every day since May.

What will you guys be having?

(At Peter Lugars in Brooklyn last night.)

Yesterday email form lady-friend (not really a question... or is it?):

"You always make me laugh with the ‘let’s do it again soon’ it somewhat sounds like a brush off"

an invitation or a threat?

Anything you can tell us about the Federal Agent thing?

turned out to be a customer in Cal put some used oil drums into a ditch and tried to dispose of them improperly. The EPA was called in, they had to find out what this stuff was - turned out to be a few empty drums of 7 year old gear oil that this construction company decided to sweep under the dirt so to speak. Anytime someone dumps illegally, the EPA has to contact the manufacturers of the products to find out just what the heck it is.

People don't relize the expense that gets chewed up when they do this kind of thing. It is much easier to just do it correctly the first time.

Then again, my solution is to have labels that degrade in about a year!

Tell him it's not far from planet anus

Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, steak for 6....mmmm Lugers.....drool....

My question during my mid-year performance review with my boss, after we went over all my "goals for the year thus far" (gotta love HR and the pseudo science of keeping people happy and productive with out upping their salary)

"So Adam, what is really going on with you?"
That question started the really interesting part of the meeting...

So Adam, how long have you felt this way? Do you think it is a positive way to view the world? Is it fair to say that the problem may actually be with you and not the rest of the work force? Adam, I would like to put you on a "directed program" that will help your productivity and at the same time curb any unwanted or non-productive time spent on matters such as surfing the internet on company time and spending hours on a site called "PelicanParts . com", which you will agree is not what you are getting paid to do.

Here is where you take a pencil off of his desk (one with a blunt tip) and thrust it into his eye socket.

"Tell me how productive yur gonna been with a pencil in your eye monkey boy!"

Be prepared to spent 7 to 14 upstate...but at least you will get 3 squares a day, plenty of rest and a new 'friend' or two.

Lube-Mike:
Funny stuff....Crazy thing is I'm a Senior VP of the company with 20 people on my team, felt a bit strange to be going over my goals and getting therapy from my boss (who's a woman BTW, not that it matters)

Ahh what can you do....even the top most official of our parent company, a world reknowed advertisting/communications conglomerate (hint her name rhymes with nudge and is a tasty chocolate treat) supposedly goes through this process with her boss (the head of the largest communications conglomerate in the world and he's a "knight")

So I grinned and bore it....

Oh and my clients = 66% of the income for this company....:cool:

*****! You got stroke!

Standing on the shoulders of giants. I always thought it would be cool if Fudge and Popcorn got together. Both pretty smart amrketing ladies. If nothing else, it would make for a "tasty" corporate name.

heh, heh good one...her name lends itself to quite a few smartallecky remarks in this little outpost of the "network"

Re: "best" question of the day
 

"What's a uterus?"
Son, Thats where men's dreams go to die.

"Garbage truck coming???"
--My son when I walked into his room to get him out of his crib. When you're a two year old boy, nothin' beats watching the big trucks.

While setting up a first date on the phone - girl jokeingly asks "are you going to lavish me with gifts and riches?"

run fast run far!