My wife as I leave the house at 4:30 this morning to work on a film with a writer/2nd time Director "Do you think you'll get done early tonight?" It's now 9:20 P.M. and still 1 7/8 pages left to do.

At a local autocross this past Sunday, a cute college girl ran over to my 911 and asked, "Do you give rides?" I wish I had said something more brilliant than "uhhhh... sure!"


As she got into the car, she asked, "Does everyone grin this much when they get into your car?" I replied, "No... but they all have the same look of terror when they get out."

how about the best answer (two of them in fact)

I ask a student employee that works for me "Why are you doing homework on work time?" while four other student employees are busy doing their jobs.

His answer, "I didn't have anything to do".

My reply "Well, you could ask me for a task to do."

His answer, "I meant to."

"Have you finished yet?" - the prostitute

"Have you finished already?" - the mistress

"I think we'll paint the ceiling green" - the wife

Driving my daughter (almost 7 yrs old) from Dance class to a hair cut last night in the pouring rain, I mean buckets, just came out of no where last night with a huge lightning show....

BTW she just started Hebrew school this year at our synagogue and has received a full court press of everything religious, God-like, Biblical etc. Oh and Noah and Jonah were in the past few week's lesson plans....

Hannah: "Daddy, does God make it rain?"

Daddy: "Well Han, I like to think that God stays out of the weather, he just set it up a long time ago and now he let's the earth do its thing"

Hannah: "Well God sent the whale to swallow Jonah"

Daddy: "Hmmmm OK"

Hannah: "So Dad, does God send all of those bad things these days, you know like hurricans, earth quakes, volcanos, because you know God was angry with the people and send the flood, is he angry with us right now? Did we do something wrong that God is so angry with us?"

Now I must say that very little makes me tear/choke up other then my kids and the innocent recognition that things these days are more then a bit f'ed up....

Daddy: big swallow "only from the mouth of babes...."

Hannah: "What did you just say, what about babies?"

Daddy: "Nothing Han, I just really appreciate how you see things sometimes...." "I like to think these days that God has let us make our own decisions and really stays out of how the earth is going, he set it up, now it is up to us to make sure it goes OK for us...."

Wife this morning looking into the dishwasher, with parts from the coffee maker on the racks...asking.....
That better not be car engine parts in the dishwasher again?

Adam - your a good Dad.

My 6 year old son - "Where do babies come from"
Me - "From mommies tummies"
My son - "No where"
Me - "what do you mean where - they come from mommies tummy"
My son - "I know that dad - How do they come out of Mommies tummy - where do they get out? I want to see the place they come out of"
Look of horror on my wife's face...
Son, I'll be more than happy to go into more detail when you get older, for right now you'll have to be happy with my my answer...
My son - "Ok, but I want to know, so don't forget"