Considering another occupation

[911pcars]

Hey, if the tobacco and milk guys can do it.......

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir;
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that, too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,
Kimball Peabody

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.

[Rondinone]

Hey- that free cheese is tasty.

[Icemaster]

Only in the land of liberal milk & honey.

[asphaltgambler]

...........................I dunno man......................Stuff like this always p*sses me off. I was raised in and around a farm environment and most of my friends also grew up the same. So on one hand I do understand the farmers situation because I've known the life and the people.

BUT.........I'm an auto technician (BMW) for over 25 years and I work by commision only; piece work. I have no $$ gaurantees other than Showing up each day and giving it my best. I have weathered really *****y financial times over my career that were completely out of my control. There are no unions, salary base, etc, etc. Basically a sub-contractor.

No one has ever stepped up and said "Man you guys have really been $$ suffering. Heres a check for not working"

I see my role in the consumer food-chain as important as the farmers. People need transportation as surely as they need to eat.

[CamB]

Try being the country with completely (and I mean completely) unsubsidised exports trying to compete...

[M.D. Holloway]

I'm not so certain that the gov really pays you not to farm or raise livestock and that you can make a living at it.

I've talked to farmers about this accross the country and the closest thing to this is conservation land that the gov pays (very little) for you not to farm for errosion protection.

Can you supply some ACTUAL facts concerning the subsidies?

[RoninLB]

I think the Fed's call it the Farm Bill ?

It's huge. Most of the big slices goes to large companies not the small family guy. The program needs reforming for sure but it's a big political issue. Bush knocked about 10% of it off recently. It's one of those programs nobody wants to fool with. Plenty of info available after the correct name is used in google.

[RoninLB]

The U.S. sugar support bill is the most obvious and biggest consumer scam bar none.