The magic of Christmas....off the wall poems of banned members....

[Joe Bob]

A fellow poster of dubious repute posted this in another forum....anyone got a better one?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Twas the night before Christmas, I sat in my shack
I cleaned every gun on my mantle gun rack
My wife was just sitting there running her yap
So I reached right on over and gave her a slap.
Tonight I need focus, I gotta move quick.
Cause I'm going to blow away Jolly St. Nick

Last year I had asked for a new gun to try
But instead I was given a polka dot tie
I hide in wait by the nativity scene
As I lock and I load my AR-15
My weapon all set now, I'm ready to go
At the sound of the very first "Ho ho ho ho."

When up on the roof reindeer hoofs I did hear
Time to pump some hot lead into Santa's fat rear
He came down the chimney, sliding feet first
At the sight of his face I fired two three round bursts
My shots they went high, and he dodged to his side
Not knowing that nowhere from me could he hide.

"Hey Santa, you drunken old elf!" I did cry,
"You screwed me for presents last year, time to die!"
When suddenly up Santa came, still alive,
And whipped out a Heckler and Koch MP-5
"You've been a bad boy, says the list that I've made"
Then he flashed me a smile and he tossed a grenade

I dove quick for cover, my status quite dire
Santa laid down a long burst of covering fire
The grenade it went off, the manger destroying
That fat jolly freak had got pretty annoying
I took a deep breath and slapped in a fresh clip
Then stood up and fired a long burst from the hip

My rifle did roar, with each shot it did quiver
St. Nick went down hard, shot right through the liver
When out though the window the sleigh I did see
The reindeer were desperately trying to flee
So on to the roof I did run in a dash
And I called out their names with my rifle's each flash

Die Dasher! Die Dancer! Die Prancer and Vixen!
Die Cupid! Die Comet! Die Donder and Blitzen!
They zigged and they zagged, but I nailed them all
Soon there'd be eight new heads on my trophy room wall
I went back to the spot where I saw Santa fall
But I found no blood trail, he was not shot at all!

Then out from the driveway an engine did roar
I ran fast as I could, flinging open the door
Santa, it looked, was not finished by far
And it seemed that in fact he'd just stolen my car
As he drove away flashing his fat naked butt
He called back Merry Christmas you farking gun nutA fellow poster of dubiuos repute posted this in another forum....anyone got a better one?

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Nice 'un.

[widebody911]

I don't think I can top that...

[svandamme]

poems??? y'all aren't drinkin' enough if y'all are still capable of producing poems!...blah!

[rcecale]

There once was a Santa from Nantuckett,

....oh, fergit it!

Randy