sorry about that. went through something similar once... all i can remember is that i was flipping between beeing pissed off and relieved for him- back and forth- for a long time

Almost a forbidden topic, but it seems that everybody knows somebody who did commit suicide...and I would suppose, due to life's ups and downs, we've all considered it. If anybody reading this is considering suicide? All I can say is don't....I'm glad I resisted some years ago, because life did get better, and IS much better now.

Was close when I wnet through my divorce but didn't own guns(still don't). The only thing that stopped me was the vision of my Mom and Dad having to deal with another son gone. My older bro was killed in a car crash at 17. I got through it and prospered. Life is awesome now!
My little sister's husband did this soon after they were married. We never saw it coming. Popular, good looking, intelligent. Apparently had some demons we just did not know about.
My condolences, Kevin.

My oldest stepson, 21 years old, drugs twisted him around until he did himself in. Not a good thing. Remember the good times.

This day started with "It's *****, she hurt herself and I don't know what to do." And now I'm ending my day after washing the blood of someone I loved off of her bedroom wall. Something else must have happened in the 18 hours between then and now but I'm not sure exactly what.
I remember driving to Woodland Hills after work and seeing everyone going about their day and thinking "Don't you people realize whats happened?"
I remember standing in line at Von's not being ashamed of the tears in my eye's as I bought a gallon of bleach and sponges and the cashier telling me I should get rubber gloves as the bleach would burn my hands.
I remember house after house lit up with lights of the season and wondering why they didn't seem as bright as they should.
I remember trying to be strong as I washed from the wall what was left of someone who was by my side for many of the difficult times of my life, and for some of the joyous times, I failed.
I remember thinking "Why?"
but most of all I'll remember, always and forever.................

Kevin, wake up and surround yourself with loved ones, NOW. You should not be alone right now. I don't know you, but I know despair when I see it. Do yourself a favor and be somewhere with someone who cares about you.

Truly sorry for your loss.

Your post is real proof of the quality of this forum. The warm, sympathetic feeling that have you display very personal information is significant. I have myself at a few occasions posted personal grief and always got responses making me feel welcome and cared for.

When I was fourteen years old my grandfather called me up. Deeply depressed, fallen of the edge into a deep darkness after the loss of my grandmother, he begged of me to come and shoot him with his own rifle. A few years later I came just in time to catch me little brother, jumping of a box with a rope around his neck - us brothers left in a boarding school when our parents worked in Saudi Arabia.

Life is hard.

Kevin,

Zonas is correct. Now is not the time to be alone. Get with someone, anyone who is a friend and spend the holidays with them. The holidays can be the best and worse of times, so please find a friend or family to help you through this.

Thanks for sharing this with us but its also a call for help. Happy to provide it as we can but there is no substitute for someone you know with you right now.

Remember the good times you had together and not this. Something happened to her in the last hours of her life. If you can figure this out it might help but do not dwell on it. If she has family or children, help them as you can because they are feeling the same things you are right now.

Joe A

Kevin, PLEASE follow Zoanas and Joe A's advice now! No one should carry this burden by themselves. Good luck and you have us pulling for you...

Kevin, very sorry.

Kevin, it breaks my heart to hear of your incredible loss. I am so sorry. Please, surround yourself with your loved ones and take comfort in being with them. Take care.
:(

Kevin, I'm far from a religious sort...but do you know anyone who is? A priest, a pastor, whatever...they're good to talk to at times like this. One sure helped me after my mother's death...(edit) Seriously, somebody, anybody...it's not good for you to be alone right now.

I blogged about loss today, as I'm ending two long term relationships. Not nearly as brutal and tragic as your situation, but some of the feelings are the same. It sucks. Good advice here...find some friends, or even strangers, and hang out. You don't have to engage, but just show up.

I'm supposed to stop by TRE tomorrow morning on the way to the office. I'll swing by your work and see if you're around...

Kevin,
The advice given here by others is so true. Find loved ones and be with them. You'd be surprised at how many there are. Some that are grieving for you and your loss have never even met you, (myself included), but still care, deeply. You'll get through this.

It wasn't your fault.

Take care. Really.

Jim

Kev, bro

All I can add is what we're all saying here. Be strong, take care.

I've had a bit of bad stuff lately too. I know exactly what you did and how you did it. It wasn't easy, but it had to be done.

You're a good man.

All of my best to you.
Don

Thank You everyone. I appreciate your concerns. This hit hard and it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before but I know even this will pass in time and become only a bad memory. Outside of the shop I am a bit of a loner but I promise I'm not alone, your advice has not fallen on deaf ears.
Thank You
Sincerely.

My 16 year old nephew called my brother Randy to say goodbye... twice. When he answered the first call, my brother told his son he was busy and he'd talk to him later. Randy let the answering machine pick up the next call where my nephew said he really wanted to talk to him. 15 minutes later my nephew ended his life with a shotgun.

He had been through typical teen troubles, but no one saw this coming.