It's not just a Monday Morning thing anymore
 

Have you ever laid in bed wrestling with the thought of putting the barrell of your .357 mag in your mouth and pulling the trigger?
I woke this morning to learn someone very dear to me lost the fight to resist.

Sorry bro, that really sucks. My condolences.

OMG,

wow I am sorry to hear that.

Sorry to hear that Kev....

David

Had a very good friend who did the same thing. She became addicted to drugs (H) and shot herself at her Mothers home after a night of partying. Left a note saying that "I cannot take it anymore and this drug has ahold of me and will not let me go"...

I still think of her and wished I would have known (had moved out of town when this happened) and would have done anything to help. Such a nice person and now its all gone...

I could do this if I had a terminal illness but otherwise no way. Am a survivor and will make it somehow. Wish she had let more of us know of her problems.

Will say a prayer for your friend and their family. Its difficult when this happens and only time heals...

Joe A

that is horrible news.

tough way to leave.

I have lost 2 family members to suicide, and the only advice I can offer is to make sure you take care of yourself in the weeks and months to come.

Grieving for someone who has taken their own life is very difficult, as the sense of loss is often mixed with feelings of resentment or guilt. It can be very, very difficult to deal with... do not hesitate to seek help.

Very sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost an acquaintance -- a fairly famous actor -- a few years back. his agent called asking for a copy of a commercial we did with him in the 80s. I helped find it and get a tape to him. Neither his agent nor I knew that the man was planning (for months) to end his fight with bone cancer. He was assembling all his best work for his own memorial service. I'm glad I had no inkling that was on his mind. But in his situation -- dealing with unbearable pain and no survival prospect, most of us would have taken the same way out.

Kevin: please tell me it wasn't Bob.

No wasn't Bob

No.
I haven't

Kevin, sorry to hear. There is a play by Sarah Kane (who committed suicide) called, "4:48 Psychosis". Supposedly 4:48am is the most common time for someone to commit suicide.

As to your question, I've pondered it a lot. I've seen a lot of miserable 4:48s in my life. But for whatever reason, I keep pushing on. There is a reason that I didn't die back during the lost years, and why I made it through xmas eve 1983 to see today. I still don't know the reason, but as they say, "more will be revealed..."

That is truely sad. I can relate to this a friend of ours hung himself on the front porch one day. He left behind a pregant wife with not source of income. I never saw this one coming. They guy seemed to have it all together too.

I guess sometimes its just to easy to end it all.

That sent a chill to my very core! I got the call at 4:27 AM.




P.S.
You and I have more in common than what shows on the outside.

Kevin, so sorry to hear, that sucks. I know two people that have done it in the past yr. It's horrible.

Deeply sorry...

Todd, hope we get a chance to talk in Vegas. The "lost years" is a good way to put it. Mine started in 1976 and had a very abrupt stop in 1979. Ludes, Jack Daniels and Peruvian marching powder mixed well together for a while then reality enters the picture.

Anyway, it was shown to me in a very graphic way that there is a God and like it or not, he has a plan for us. Just wish He would give us a planmap sometime...

I could not give up and pushing forward is the only choice. Losers give up and give in and thats just not me. I go 110% most of the time, then slack off to 95% for a bit then rev up again. Just hope its in the right direction...

Joe A

mine started in about 1977 and lasted until xmas eve 1983. That night was Wild Turkey, pot, coke, quaalude (pure powder, smoked), 5 10mg valium, and the kicker was 2 doriden. My heroin-addict roomate had to prop me up so I kept breathing. Moved back home shortly thereafter, got myself clean cold turkey (quit smoking cigarettes too), and started college in Jan of '84. Been pushing forward from that point on. Still trying to get it right though...

Man, I'm really sorry to hear about that. Very sad news.

A time ago, when my mom was dying, my marriage was toast and I hated my job, I had thoughts about it. Recreational pharmaceuticals only dulled me but waking up the next morning and I still had the issues to deal with. Weird thing was the thing that kept me going was my motorcycle: putting on the helmet was a metaphor for blocking out things. The most delightful feeling to know that for 200 miles at least I did not have to talk to anyone or deal with any crap.

Sorry to hear of your loss Kevin.

Very sorry to hear that Kevin.

When I was 24, I came home after graduating from WTI. 2 weeks later, my sister called and told me my cousin who was also 24, and was a High School classmate of mine, had shot himself. Apparently he had been off drugs for 9 months, and was doing well, but depression set in. I was so pissed that I was gone during all of this and no one told me. I guess no one took him seriously. Hit me pretty hard, since we grew up together and had the same circle of friends. I still miss the guy. He was the most brilliant stoner I've ever known. Would come to class stoned out of his mind, and still ace the chemistry test.