Something To Offend Everyone

[Tobra]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE


What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.








What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.





Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.


What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room together?
100 people who don't do dick.




What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.




What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.



What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.




What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.


What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"


What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.




Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.



Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"



Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.


What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with... "a recipe."



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!



What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins ", ain't gonna believe this ****..."

[Hugh R]

Very funny.

[911ctS]

some funny $hi* thanks!

[slodave]

I'm not offended yet... Was funny though.