Sports doping

[widebody911]

So why not just sod it all and allow doping? Let the trainers grow 700lb linebackers and cyclists with the torque of a diesel locomotive! It might actually make sports interesting.

(for the record, I'm not much of a spectator sport at all)

[lendaddy]

"Here he is going for the 3,800 pound clean and jerk Bob, a tremedous feat! Oh Ohhh Oh no, he's pulled his arms right off Bob, this is terrible!"

[lendaddy]

Actually here's the SNL transcript, hillarious skit

Dennis Miller: In response to what its sponsors claim is an idea whose time has come, the first All-Drug Olympics opened today in Bogota, Columbia. Athletes are allowed to take any substance whatsoever before, after, and even during the competition. So far, 115 world records have been shattered! We go now to correspondent Kevin Nealon, live in Bogota for the Weightlifting Finals. Kevin?

Kevin Nealon: Dennis, getting ready to lift now is Sergei Akmudov of the Soviet Union. His trainer has told me that he's taken antibolic steroids, Novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon, and some sort of fish paralyzer. Also, I believe he's had a few cocktails within the last hour or so. All of this is, of course, perfectly legal at the All-Drug Olympics, in fact it's encouraged. Akmudov is getting set now, he's going for a cleaning jerk of over 1500 pounds, which would triple the existing world record. That's an awful lot of weight, Dennis, and here he goes.

[ Kevin steps aside to reveal the steroid-bulked athlete bent over to lift the 1500 lbs. weight. Sergei tightens his grip on the barbells and pulls up, but instead of lifting the weights, his arms are pulled off and blood squirts ferociously out of his pulpy stubs.

Kevin Nealon: Oh! He pulled his arms off! He's pulled his arms off, that's gotta be disappointing to the big Russian! [ Sergei's trainer wraps a towel around him ] You know, you hate to see something like this happen, Dennis! He probably doesn't have that much pain right now, but I think tomorrow he's really gonna feel that, Dennis! Back to you!

[Jeff Higgins]

Years ago one of the premier body builders of the time, Mike Christian, advocated an "open class" where anything goes. No testing, no nuthin'. He said spectators don't want to see people that looked just like them, they wanted a feak show, so lets give 'em one.

One of the old powerlifting organizations did adopt such a rule. The squat record is now somewhere north of 1100 lbs; the bench is over 700, and the deadlift is bumping off of a half a ton. Crikey. Totally inhuman and very destructive to the body. I remember Ken Lain (or the other guy he was going head-to-head with in those days; can't remember his name), the first guy to bench over 700, had a resting heart rate in the neighborhood of 90-100, blood pressure through the ceiling, and was otherwise in such poor health he finally had to stop. But hey, it's his body, and if that was important to him...

Just where does modern nutrition and supplements cross the line between "natural" and not? I think there is a huge gray area in between. Top athletes simply do not get there purely on momma's home cooking anymore. They routinely adopt some very unhealthy practices, even outside of steroids, hormones, and all of that to achieve their high levels of performance. Why not just let them? Quit playing games and leading kids to believe they can get there by eating their Wheaties and taking their Weider supplements. Maybe it will help get these "role models" down off the pedestal on which their rabid fans have placed them.

[legion]

While I wouldn't be opposed to a "doping league", I don't think anyone would cross over into it. There is no glory in taking the easy path, and both the public and the athletes want to cling to the myth that all athletic performance comes from hard work and dedication.

Let me put it another way. We have two softball leagues at work: a recreational co-ed league, and a competitive all male league. Guess which one is more competitive?

[singpilot]

I'm always chuckling when this subject comes up. There was that series of ads by (I think) a cellphone company where they are showing the difference in a 'dudes' life with and without their service. The 'without' path shows him as a bodybuilding weightlifter as he pulls and rips a prominent groin muscle on live national TV. The winces on the announcers' faces are priceless.

[Scooter]

Since SNL was mentioned above...maybe comedians should have a anti-doping category? Nah, then they wouldn't be funny.