My kid's coach is young and immature - need advice on what to do

cantdrv55 · 09-06-2006, 07:29 PM

There is a rumor that the coach, who's 19 and is a college student, goes drinking with some of the high school seniors in the team. There is a tournament this weekend that's 3 hours away that'll require two overnight stays. My wife and I are going, pretty much to chaperone the coach more than the kids.

If I can substantiate the rumor, should I report him to the school? Doing so would end the season for the sport because it's too late to get another coach. I'm leaning towards turning him in. I don't want my son around him even though he's a great coach.

masraum · 09-06-2006, 07:36 PM

Sounds like a bad influence. Several folks will probably say, don't worry about it, boys will be boys, don't be a square, whatever. Your kid will potentially do what he's going to do anyway, but still best to report this guy.

bryanthompson · bryanthompson's Garage

any chance he could get the boot and you step in to coach?

cantdrv55 · 09-06-2006, 07:59 PM

I don't know enough about the sport to coach. Plus, I travel too much for work.

VincentVega · 09-06-2006, 08:02 PM

Have you talked to the coach? Might be worth a shot, give him a chance to straighten out first.

EdT82SC · 09-06-2006, 08:04 PM

Turn him in. Peer preasure from your kid's classmates is quite enough without the added stamp of approval from the coach.

HardDrive · 09-06-2006, 08:11 PM

Next Monday, 4 promising high school seniors lie dead.

The victims of a DWI accident, with said coach at the wheel.

How are you going to feel about it, knowing what you know now?

juanbenae · juanbenae's Garage

see what happens this weekend before you act on anything.

your son could take the wrath of a disbanded team for you snitching him out, so consider that. have you spoken to your boy about it at least? maybe come clean to him and see what his take is.

what's a 19 y/o doing coaching high schoolers anyway? a 19 y/o should not be expected to be a role model for a 17 y/o. what happen to the crusty old farts that coached sports when i was in school?

cantdrv55 · 09-06-2006, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HardDrive
Next Monday, 4 promising high school seniors lie dead.

The victims of a DWI accident, with said coach at the wheel.

How are you going to feel about it, knowing what you know now?

Damn. I'm going to call a parent's meeting AFTER I see proof. I heard there are pics of the activity on myspace.

cantdrv55 · 09-06-2006, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by k911sc
what's a 19 y/o doing coaching high schoolers anyway? a 19 y/o should not be expected to be a role model for a 17 y/o. what happen to the crusty old farts that coached sports when i was in school?

The kid went to a great school on an athletic scholarship but got hurt so he lost his free ride (that's what he says). He was all-state while in high school and is a really good coach otherwise.

jyl · jyl's Garage

Help him lose this ride too.

jeffgrant · 09-06-2006, 09:47 PM

I'd go and talk to him first and foremost. In my opinion, the goal is to eliminate the behaviour, not catch him at it.

A quick talk outlining the concerns might put a scare into him and make him think twice before doing anything else. Right now he's probably doing it because he thinks he can get away with it, and he's trusting the kids to not squeel on him. If you can get him to think that the kids ARE squealling on him, then he's probably not as likely to do it.

I'd also have a quick talk with your son as well... and just let him know that you trust him to do the right thing, etc. Kids can (pleasantly) surprise you sometimes.

$0.02

EDIT: I'd also talk to his superiors, and raise the issue with them. If you tell them that you've heard rumours, they'll more than likely REALLY make sure it doesn't happen.

Icemaster · Icemaster's Garage

So whats the real reason he lost his ride? Any bets?

I'm in agreement with you. If you wouldnt trust him to be responsible for your son, then his actions need to see the light of day. What's worse, a lost season or lost son?

john70t · 09-07-2006, 05:36 AM

Take him aside and quietly give him a rundown on what that would do to his career expectations, as well as the legal implications of "contributing to the deliquency of minors".
Say it like you really mean it and that should be the last of it.

serge944 · serge944's Garage

Yes, talk to him first, and maybe youll be able to straighten him out for the remainder of the season.

Last thing you want to do is make you and your kid the most hated on the team, and end the season short.

stevepaa · 09-07-2006, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jeffgrant
I'd go and talk to him first and foremost. In my opinion, the goal is to eliminate the behaviour, not catch him at it.

A quick talk outlining the concerns might put a scare into him and make him think twice before doing anything else. Right now he's probably doing it because he thinks he can get away with it, and he's trusting the kids to not squeel on him. If you can get him to think that the kids ARE squealling on him, then he's probably not as likely to do it.

I'd also have a quick talk with your son as well... and just let him know that you trust him to do the right thing, etc. Kids can (pleasantly) surprise you sometimes.

$0.02

EDIT: I'd also talk to his superiors, and raise the issue with them. If you tell them that you've heard rumours, they'll more than likely REALLY make sure it doesn't happen.

excellent advice.

notfarnow · 09-07-2006, 08:44 AM

Is there any way to confirm that the allegations are true, and not just "I heard from someone who says" rumors?

If it is true, no way would I talk to the guy first or give him a chance; he blew it. Yeah, kids will go boozin and get into trouble, but no way should the coach be condoning it... let alone participating! Game over.

pmajka · 09-07-2006, 09:35 AM

Would we feel the same if it were a couple of women boozin with some senior members of the Girls Field Hockey team?

Food for Thought.

rammstein · 09-07-2006, 09:43 AM

Not if it turns into a naked tickle fight

I would consider an ambiguous confrontation. After a game, discuss how important good role models are for children at this age. Move the discussion to what you think should happen to role models who don't live up to their responsibilities or worse, lead children down the wrong path. Mention how lucky you are to be in a community where everyone is watching out for each other's children. End the conversation with direct eye contact and a strong handshake.

If evidence shows up, go public.

Cdnone1 · 09-07-2006, 09:54 AM

I'm one of the crusty old guys that coach.
Let the school know and do it ASAP. They hired him not you. I would think you could be held liabel if you knew and did nothing.
This guy is breaking every rule ever made about coaching young people. Letting underage kids drink with his knowledge let alone in his presence! Holy Crap is that wrong and against all rules for coaching.
Maybe you talk to him before you let the school know but let the school know before the weekend and let them sort it out.
What is he teaching them if he starts by breaking the law with them! Sure kids are going to drink, we all did, but I would think the school and other parents would be freaked to find out
Steve