2006 Morons

Isabo · 09-30-2006, 05:25 AM

The TOP 8 MORONS OF 2006"

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, KS Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard -- under the boat, still strapped securely in place was the trailer.

Joeaksa · 09-30-2006, 07:14 AM

And we are in many cases paying for these morons... the world is poplulated by them and they are reproducing.

widgeon13 · 09-30-2006, 07:36 AM

is that the same John Walter who was also a past President of RR Donnelley, printer, headquartered in Chicago because if it is I don't think he lasted very long there either. I wish I could get a job like that.

Do you think these folks develop a complex, my guess is most likely not.

tabs · 09-30-2006, 07:56 AM

my favorite was #2

Joeaksa · 09-30-2006, 08:03 AM

Tabs,

You could get the gun in #7 pretty cheap but doubt that the value would hold...

svandamme · svandamme's Garage

#1 is unfortunately standard practice in corporate enviroments
they give a job to some geezer, and before he even shows up for one day on the job, he's settled... there is hardly any incentive to actually deliver resutls , i mean , if i could get a gig where i potentially get 25 million, salary and bonusses combined, for meeting targets, but have a guaranteed settlement if i get fired , worth 20 mill ..

i'll take "corporate slacking for 500 dollars" please :
"what would be a reason not to get stressed at work ?"

mattdavis11 · 09-30-2006, 10:58 AM

Why not world wide? Only the USA? Too early as well. I could be a diamond in the rough for the award.