My Letter to a Resident - Harsh?

[M.D. Holloway]

During our last HOA meeting a resident brought up several concerns she had from why we spent $12 dollars for a new web site to why meeting minutes from July are not available on line. her domineer is curt and abrasive and to make matters worse her husband was one of the board members who was voted off in a special election. The woman is a 'knit picker' plain and simple.

After her rant I told her that she was knit picking, she disagreed. I asked the members of the audience if she was knit picking and 100% (about 40 people) raised their hand s and voiced opinions. Well she took exception and wrote a letter to the President of our HOA that stated that she felt that I broke the Code of Conduct and that I was unprofessional. Here is the letter I wrote her. Perhaps it is harsh perhaps not. What do you guys think?



Mrs Bxxxx,

I am scratching my head trying to figure out your angle. At first, I would tee it up as true passion for your community. However, your constant relentless attempt at these various issue makes me think that there are other things going on. It has been my experience that people normally act passionately about various things due to one (or a combination) of the following:

1) Ego

2) Money

3) Genetics


I will rule out number 2. From this seat, you cannot get any monetary gain. I would think genetics but I just do not know enough about that topic to comment effectively. Therefore, that brings it to ego. I know ego. I have more ego than anyone else in our community if not most of North Texas. Ego is what makes me do and say the things I do. Therefore, I am betting that is what drives you. Now do not get me wrong, ego is not a bad thing. It is the motivating factor that drives many folks, especially people in leadership roles.

Now here is the thing. I am willing to bet that you want the best for the community but take it from a guy that you either love or hate (no in between), you have to pick your battles and be less confrontational. Strange isn't it coming from a guy that stood in front of the community and claimed that the old board failed? The old board that you husband served on. Now that’s confrontational huh? To the old board maybe it was confrontational. Members of the old board had every opportunity to run or comment on what I said. Not a peep was made. Your husband never defended his positions or his actions. The main reason why our community made four TV stations was because of the actions of the old board. That was not positive publicity. In fact, the majority of the community agreed. I got a few votes. Not sure how many but enough voted for me and was made vice president. My comments were confrontational to the old board but agreed upon by our community. I guess you call that politics. Tough words? Harsh words? Maybe, but they were the truth and at the end of the day I had the backbone to say those tough words that the community agreed upon.


You want to get involved and I think that is great. If you remember, I asked for your involvement when I went to your house a few weeks ago and then again, I also mentioned and motioned in your direction about involvement during the meeting. You scoffed at me. I may come across as a very arrogant (which I am) and very gruff sometimes (which I am) and tend to get ‘a bit North East’ for certain folks from Texas. Call it genetics. Like me or not I can get things done. Like me or not I am very smart. Like me or not I can get in between a communities ears and get the majority vote – not every single person but the majority. That is what I am concerned with at the end of the day. Like me or not if you had to count on somebody to lead you or your son into battle to defeat an enemy your best bet for survival would be me. You will not find anyone more confident or capable. Don’t you want someone like that in a leadership role?


Now then, we can move ahead or stay in one place. I am willing to work with you and I am willing to mix it up. I prefer to work with you on any and all projects you want to pursue provided it passes board muster. We want people that have your passion to be involved. Let us just agree to put our differences aside for the betterment of the community. I am willing, are you?

[RallyJon]

First: nit picking, demeanor. Although domineer is a great Freudian slip!

Why aren't meeting minutes available on-line? What better use for a HOA wesite?

Your attitude about this is exactly why I could never serve on a committee like that. You have to suffer fools gladly, deflect idiotic comments and attitudes without taking them personally. The tone of your letter suggests you may not have the demeanor for the job. No insult intended--God knows I wouldn't either.

[Scooter]

You know the whole situation, we don't. I would probably write the letter differently, but I am not you, and we have different stylistic differences. Opinion....go with the letter if you feel comfortable. I, on the other hand, would not feel comfortable. The one piece of advice that will actually help you is to check your grammar. I think you will find some commas are needed and a few other things. Good luck!

[the]

Your letter is way too personal, emotional, wordy and unprofessional.

I take it you are a beginner at being on a HOA board.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Yea, a nit is a flea larva if I'm not mistaken.

I'm pretty certain that the origin of the expression, "nit-picking" is a comparison to the highly focused task among some mammals (monkeys usually) of social grooming where one will studiously look through the fur of a neighbor and pick off any nits or fleas. In other words, one who gets obsessively concerned with matters of minutia.

[Moses]

The value of that letter was the catharsis you got by writing it. DO NOT SEND IT. It will hurt you in the long run. In fact, I recommend that you send no letter at all. If a specific response is required, make it short, polite and respectful. Leadership is a grind.

[dtw]

Wordy. Couldn't even finish it. Cut the colloquial/prosaic stuff, get to the point. Also, immediately puts her on the defensive.

What purpose does this serve? I'd advise reading your letter 2-3 times to yourself, drinking a beer, then setting it on fire (the letter, not the beer).

I sent one of these letters once. It only made things worse.

[mikester]

Someone needs to check to see if lube's account has been stolen. It would be very unlikely for him to treat someone whom he represents on the HOA with such disresepct regardless of if she deserved it or not.

The comments about her genetics and such are way over the line and unprofessional.

I'm not even sure that her letter warrants a written response.

[Chocaholic]

Ignore her. It's the most potent message you can send.

[Paul_Heery]

Wow! Take this personally or not, but your letter is a load of self-indulgent bull that serves no purpose other than satisfying your ego.

Your statement of "Like me or not I can get in between a communities ears and get the majority vote – not every single person but the majority. That is what I am concerned with at the end of the day" should be sufficient grounds to have you removed from your position on the board (check your CC&Rs). As a member of the board, you should be concerned with enforcing the CC&Rs, and maintaining property values, not getting votes.

Sorry, but if you send this, you are asking for civil war in your HOA.

[JavaBrewer]

Agreed. The letter is too personal. Keep it for your own files - do not send it. HOA battles are generally due to folks on the board who act children or have little/no skills in management.

[sammyg2]

Nope, not productive. Throw it away.
There are better ways to handle it. If she is driven by ego, and if you are really smart (as it says in your letter), you will be able to set her up for public humiliation which is the best way to hurt someone who is all ego.
Giver her enuopgh rope, show her how to tie a knot, and wait.
Either that or get the heck out of that situation.
I personally would never live in a community that has a homeowner's association. I want no part of that. I make my decisions, my neighbors do not.

[74-911]

Originally posted by Moses
The value of that letter was the catharsis you got by writing it. DO NOT SEND IT. It will hurt you in the long run. In fact, I recommend that you send no letter at all. If a specific response is required, make it short, polite and respectful. Leadership is a grind.

+1

In those situations, quite often the best response is no response...

[Mr_Wizard]

F(CK A HOA. If you don't pay my mortgage. PISS OFF!!!


Pink Flamingo all around

[bigchillcar]

Moses: +1

[M.D. Holloway]

I guess that sums it up. Thanks - message heard very clearly!

[cashflyer]

Moses +1

Nits are the eggs of hair and body lice.

My HOA meeting is this Saturday. I will be attending for the sole purpose to nit pick their every action, just like they do to the residents in the neighborhood.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Mr. Wizard +1

If you ain't paying the bill you can go f*ck yourself.

Whatever happened to the castle doctrine?

[Don Plumley]

Yup. Letter is cathartic, but unprofessional. You've sunk to her level. If you think a letter is called for, three sentences: I'm sorry you feel that way. That was not my intent. Let's meet to discuss how we can work together.

Invite her over for a beer. Get her drunk. You'll be best friends. Oh wait, that only works for guys. Sorry, you are SOL.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Sounds like she needs a good pokin' in the heiney. Is she hot?