Problem with one of my sons teachers

[Jims5543]

Let me say this first so you understand who my son is. I always get compliments from his teachers about how well mannered he is and how polite he is. He is not a A student more of a C student, very average and has has some learning problems we have worked very hard with him on over the years.

We discovered in Kindergarden he had issues and we have worked with tutors, learning centers and a lot of our own time end effort at home to get him back on level with the kids around him.

He is somewhat aware of his issues and his self esteem isn't the best but we work hard on that as well. He works his butt off to get passing grades where most kids can put in a minimal effort to get A's and B's.

That said, his mit term report came with an F in Language Arts, a class he normally gets high C's and low B's in. He is in 7th grade now.

He was to go on an incentive trip from the school to Epcot Center and because of the F on the mid term he can not go.

The teacher anounced to him, so the class could hear, that he had an F and he could go to the office to get his trip money back. He was very humiliated and enbaressed by her actions.

I felt handing him the report and a "See me after class" would have been a better way to handle this.

He came home and was visibly upset. When we enquired he was all misted up when he told us what happened. He is not a drama queen and I consider him to be a really normal kid, he rarely gets emotional about anything so this was something of concern when I saw how upset he was.

I decided to go talk to his guidance counselor and discuss this with her. I told the guidance counselor that in the past (grade school) we had a couple of teachers that were mean to him and we let it go because we did not want the teacher so retaliate against him. I told her that the issue was not the F, my son was already being punished loosing his rights to video games TV and computer. We were dealing with it and trying to get the grade back up.

I was more upset about how things were handled. An E-mail was sent to the teacher who half heartedly tried to call me leaving no return number to talk to her on my voice mail. I have caller I.D.

I called her and she went off about how she prays to Jesus every morning to make sure she is nice to her kids. A hell of a smoke screen was thrown up, she denied ever saying a work to my son about his F. Wrong answer, she should be concerned about how to get his grade up and what he can do with her to do that. When I was at the open house I did not like this teacher and knew there were going to be problems. She talked to us parents like we were 2 year olds, like Mr. Rodgers neighborhood. I never said a word to my son about this and when the problems started I told my wife I should have went with my instincts and changed his class.

The next day, the teacher was on vacation and my son was called to the guidance counselor's office. She forced him to write a letter of apology to his teacher for lying. When he refused to saying he did not lie, he was told he would go to the principles office and recieve worse consequences. My son suggested I be called and that was dismissed.

He wrote and singed the letter.

I am so pissed off right now because the teacher is the liar not my son and now I have to deal with this. This really set an awesome example to my son about how adults can lie and get away with it.

Does a public school have the right to force a kid to write and sign a document against his will?

[widgeon13]

very poorly handled in my estimation. I feel badly for your son. Teachers need to be sensitive as to how they are perceived by the other students and how it effects any students self esteem. I believe the guidance counselor was way off base as well. I wouldn't mess with either one of them, teacher or guidance counselor, I would take this right to the principal. Their behavior is not acceptable and needs to be addressed.

If they have treated your son this way there is no doubt they have done it to others. This is not a mistake as much as it is a bad attitude by the professional educator.

[cstreit]

Tough call. On the one hand you want to show your son that he should stand up for himself when he is right... However based on the petty and despicable action of the school, this would undoubtedly result in some rather underhanded payback to your son.

I can't imagine how pissed you are, I'd be furious!

Now might be the time to talk to him about "choosing your battles carefully". I was in a similar situation a long time ago. Got in a fight in elementary school. The school punished me, called my parents and sent me home for the day. Now I was terrified as my parents were VERY strict. My step-father was waiting on the front porch when I got home. However when I explained to him what happened, he just said "Oh, well you were right". End of story. I still had to deal with punishment from the school, but just hearing him say "You were in the right, they are wrong" made a HUGE difference and honestly the BS at school didn't matter anymore.

So you might have talk with him about his situation, relaying that you can't always come out on top even when you are right, but convey that YOU believe in him and I bet that's more important to him than anything.

[DavidI]

Jim, I would get corroborating evidence as to what exactly was said by the teacher in class regarding the grade. Not to say that your son is not truthful, but his interpretation as to what was said may be skewed because of emotions. I suggest that you talk to some of the other kids, with the approval of their parents, regarding the class incident to get a clearer understanding of what took place.

If the other statements support your son's allegations, then go to the principal and demands recourse. If it is a matter of emotional interpretation, then deal with the issue as a parent.

Good luck, David

[Jims5543]

In the past I have kept my mouth shut and let the teacher do what they wil to my son. He had 2 teachers in the past that treated not only him but a lot of the class terrible and we felt any action would result in retaliation.

I went against my better judgement here and decided to try to do something and exactly what I feared would happen did. Except now he is old enough to stand up for himself. I instructed him next time something like that happens he is to walk out of the room and call me on my cel phone, I can be to the school in 10 minutes.

David - Its my sons word against the teachers. Guess who the school is going to back, right or wrong?

I think the receptionist at my accountants office has a daughter in the class I will check I know they share a couple of classes.

I am tempted to send him to school monday with a mini tape recorder, it will be the first time the teacher sees him after this incident. The teacher appears to me to be a total b!tch and she is a good actor.

My wife is so sick and tired of the BS from this school that she is looking into private school, our 3 y/o is never entering public school after our experiance witht he older one. We can put our older one in for 1.5 years before HS then he can actually attend HS and the Comunity College in a co-op and start his degree early.


My plan was to talk to the principal on Monday.

[scottmandue]

Just my two cents...

Get you kid out of that $hithole ASAP!

I was a "special" child (I know... I know... that explains a lot! )

The "system" simply didn't know how to deal with me, I would have brilliant moments so they would put me in the "gifted" class and when I would fail there they put me in the "dummy" class where I would excel then they would put in normal classes where again some teacher would see something and put me back with the gifted kids. This plus certain parts of my upbringing at home combine to give sever low self esteem that manifested itself when I was a young adult into alcohol and drug abuse.

I have since learned on my own that I am an "outside the box" thinker and thus did not fit into the meat girder public school system.

Is private school a possibility (expensive I know... but not as expensive as the ten years of my life I lost to drugs and alcohol) or a transfer to a different school?

[Moses]

Reading this has my blood boiling. When my daughter was in the 7th grade, she was publicly embarassed by her teacher in a similar fashion. Her teacher wasn't bright enough to lie about it so I didn't have to deal with that.

I told her teacher that a public humiliation requires a public apology. If he failed to apologize to my daughter in front of the entire class, I would pursue the issue tirelessly. He apologized. I'd still like to kick his sorry ass.

No teacher has the right to humiliate a student over academic performance, particularly a student with a learning disability. If you can find one single student to back up your sons story, I would insist on a public apology and threaten the district with legal action regarding your sons coerced confession unless he gets a written letter of apology. Your son needs to know that dad is in his corner and he doesn't have to take any crap from these people.

[Moses]

By the way, the "public humiliation" trick is a favorite technique of bad teachers everywhere. It enhances their feelings of control and superiority.

[Moneyguy1]

"Public humiliation" is part of the human condition. Bodily waste occurs.

In all seriousness, both sides of the story need to be known before any action is taken.

[livi]

This dilemma is divided into two different issues.

First, the practical question of setting things strait with the school. Important, but of less magnitude in the long run for your son.

Second, and more important. Make absolutely sure that you have convinced your son that you believe in him. That you are on his side. The background for this is obvious but is also rooted deep down in child psychology regarding attachment and bonding.

The child has a supreme need of person(s) to rely on from birth. To protect them as it were. These persons form an attachment hierarchy for the child, where mom or dad usually is number one.

As long as the child feels safe and protected by 'number one' she will be alright in most circumstances. Even if the rest of the world is hostile. In the long run this is paramount.

This is of course just obvious ranting, clear to everyone. What I want to say, I think, is that as long as you are there for your son, he will be OK.

[john70t]

What the teacher did was wrong, and her apology half-ashed, but this is a minor incident that could have been settled with a private meeting and a correction in her behavior. Many children will exagurate a situation out of fear of being wrong and everything should be taken with a grain of salt, but this doesn't sound like the case.

What the guidence councillor did was dispicable!

Forcing a kid to sign a confession??? No way. I'd explain this is wrong to your son, and why this (legal) posturing happens. Do it by example, and show how an effort may or may not be successful, but it's done out of love and justice.

I'd write a letter to the principal and demand an apology.
If no result or correction of procedure, then the school board members individually. Then go public at the PTO meetings with each step of the bureacratic failure. Others may identify with the flaws of the process.

As an anecedote, my 3rd grade teacher tore up a doodle-drawing in front of me and then slapped me hard in class. I got over it eventually, because a lawsuit-happy educational system creates a processing bureacracy, not a learning institution.
Schools are only the stimulus, creating a love of learning is omnipotent.

[sammyg2]

IMO If they were worth their weight in salt they would have gotten a full time job supervising adults instead of working part time telling little kids what to do and threatening to go on strike every third year for more money.

My kids are in private school, they have zero problems.

[Flatbutt1]

Geez Jim this sucks. But I'm afraid that your chances of prevailing against the teacher with her union supporting her are nil. IMO your best bet is to help your son deal with the reality of the situation. Help him to own what is his and discard the rest. Tough at his age but necessary.

I have a friend with a child that is ataxic CP. They've tried mainstreaming her but hte school's indifference to her and the cruelty shown to her by students and teachers is appalling. "No child left behind" my azz.

Good luck bro.

[Seahawk]

Jim,

So many thoughts...first of all, your son sounds very much like mine. He is in the 7th grade as well.

We had him in Catholic School until the third grade and we felt the caliber of education he was getting was lacking. The instruction wasn't taking into account his particular learning needs.

He was also unhappy and had the maturity to let us know (his older sister is a whizz so none of these "problems" with the the school cropped up...ignorance is bliss, I guess).

We did our homework (just like you have...I really admire how involved you are) and found that the public school system had programs more suited to our son. Off he went.

Four years later and he is a different student...almost 4.0 and he loves learning in advanced placement classes. I think we were very lucky.

I write this in the hope you know there are alternatives, and successes when all seems improbable. I wish you all success in your search for resolution, but more to the point, my absolute best to your son.

[ZOO]

IMO If they were worth their weight in salt they would have gotten a full time job supervising adults instead of working part time telling little kids what to do and threatening to go on strike every third year for more money.

Must resist the urge to feed the troll.

Zero problems from a private school. Isn't GWB a product of one?

[svandamme]

man, that teacher can count her self lucky she didn't have me in her class and she didn't pull that trick on me

i had mad skills, and broke several teachers . beat them at their own game...they punked me , i punked them double hard, and then never knew who did it...

if they would have tried to force me to do anything, i simply refused to , even if they held me back in detention for the rest of the year, and told me i could not do any exams till i did, or no school trips or what not... didn't bother me one bit, because i knew that i would make their lives miserable... cause they punished themselves in the process... "somebody" had to watch me at all times during detention and what not.... could not let the attention slip for even 5 minutes..

i never started a fight, but once a teacher tried something on me ... it was on... they always figured i would at some point give in ... but i never did, and i never did anything violent.. it was always verbal, pranks, and escapes

[Paul K]

Jim,
this is a very difficult subject- and I think most of the responses have affirmed that the school made serious mistakes & that something needs to be done. My advice is to document everything, and take this to the highest level, the sooner the better. You can't watch over him every second of every day, and I am sure he is now on that teachers '$hit list' so I agree that he needs to be schooled elsewhere.
I have a severe calculation disability- I can barely add a column of double digits in my head- which was missed all the way through grade school and finally noticed by a prof when I was in college. I remember once when I was about 13 suffering the humiliation of trying to recite my nine times tables in front of the whole class, and making a complete mess of it, while all the other kids laughed at me, goaded on by the teacher. That really hurt- and your kid may need some help with his incident as well as a change of school. Have you guys talked about it? Does he still seem bothered? Has it happened before?

I hope it all works out for the best-

Paul.

P.S. As soon as your kid is safely enrolled elsewhere, go after that b!tch with everything you have.

[Icemaster]

FWIW.

I had a teacher much like the one you describe in both 7'th & 8'th grade, told my parents about both of them and the check marks, punishments, and demerits I received for things as trivial as stepping over a desk to get to mine while other kids sat on teh teachers desk and played the bongos on the overturned garbage can or played paper-wad basketball DURING class and received nothing.

My parents did nothing. Don't rock the boat, don't mess with the teachers, you must be doign something otherwise she wouldn't be so pissed off at you.

I never forgave them.

You know your son (...obviously...), you know the truth. You're his advocate. I see it as incumbent upon my role as a father to fix the things I can, or at least make the attempt to do so, and hopefully make things a bit better for not only my sons, but also for the other kids - cause lets face it, I doubt your son is/will be the only kid ever singled out for poor treatment by this teacher.

Whatever you do, you have to do something. You're no dummy, you'll know the right path.



Burn her like the witch she is.

[widgeon13]

I'm not sure I would look for some other place to school him unless there are other issues. As a 7th grader he most likely has some appreciation for the need to stand on his own two feet and if the problem teacher is set straight, he could finish the class and be the better for the experience. I would leave that decision up to Mom, Dad and son.

Many years ago, when I was in school, I had ********* teachers and guidance counselors and survived. My parents were aware of the situation but it was not unmanageable. I survived and was better for it but I still remember the idiots to this day. Knowing what I know now, they were not qualified to do what they did and their actions were mean and immature for people in their positions.

[Jims5543]

One of his classmates lives in this neighborhood. I am talking to him today.

I am also picking up a mini tape recorder for him to take to class Monday. I am not doing a thing until Tues. bacause I think his teacher is stupid enought to think not hearing from me will equal she won and she will verbally assault him. I want to bury her.


I posted this on a Florida MINI forum I used to frequent back when I owned mine. I remembered there were a lot of teachers on there and I got some useful information both here and there.

One Teacher gave me this links.
http://www.firn.edu/doe/dpe/publications/ethics.pdf

My wife and I are willing to take the financial hit and send him to Private School, there is a excellent one here in town and our 3 y/o starts there in January.

The school only goes up to 8th grade, he could finish 7th there and all of 8th. Hopefully by HS he will be back on track or we start the search for a Private HS as well.