Men Vs Women

[scottmandue]

Oh the joys of adult dating!
It has drawn me to do some thinking (I know... you thought you smelt something burning)

I know many of you guys and gals have been around the relationship block a few more times than me so give me your input if you will.

Observation #1 - Women prefer to be spontaneous and men like to plan. I was dating a lady and it started off well, we had several dates and even went away for the weekend twice (that required some planing) but eventually she fell apart on me and could plan even a dinner date.
So would you classify this as a personality trait or a gender trait?

Observation #2 - Do women consciously test men? I am trying to get together with a new lady so we met for coffee and at the end she said to call her and we would do dinner Friday. Now I knew she was changing jobs so I called once or twice and let it slide. (I got in touch with her last night and yes it has been a crazy week for her but we both have Monday off so we are going to spend the afternoon together.) Now my friends told me I should hammer her with phone calls but I figured I didn't want to come off as some clingy/needy stalker type and leave a dozen messages on her answering machine. I have many other examples but I think you get the idea. Is this "testing" or just misunderstanding due to different patterns of thinking or even just coincidence?

[legion]

Women do test men.

It's part of the "Oprah/Rules for Dating" mentality. Avoid it at all costs. I view women who do these tests like people who are constantly looking for their server at a restaurant to screw up to justify not tipping them. Eventually these kind of women go off and do triathlons and justify their infidelity because you failed a "test".

[livi]

Scott, I have been around that block several (too many) times.

IMHO, women and men come from different planets. Women play by a complex set of game rules that men struggle to catch up with. If / when men catch up - they change the rules. It is like the enigma of the turtle and the rabbit. The rabbit will never really catch the turtle.

And that is the way it should be. That is part of the thrill and suspension. Cumbersome and frustrating. Agonizing and perplexing. But thatīs the name of the game. And a game it is. On a profoundly deep, biological level of survival of the fittest.

There can, IMO, only be one valid advice/comment: Always - and I mean always - be utterly true to yourself. Donīt try to play the game, trying to understand what the other partīs agenda is. Dig into your heart and do what feels right. That way you will not only be true to your own self and inner needs - you will also come out as a sincere and honest person with a high level of integrity.

If not else - that will turn them on..

Edit: who am I, expressing opinions on this matter...

[scottmandue]

Markus, being an individual that has been through what you have eminently qualifies you to comment.

I should have broke the poll into two separate categories... spontaneous/planner and testing/misunderstanding... my bad.

I suppose the "testing" hypotenuse goes all the way back to high school where you go to a party with your girlfriend and she flirts with another guy right in front of you just "to see what you would do".


I have a theory [that is mine... developed by me...] that some of this testing hangs on a womens self esteem. A few years back I was seeing a lady that changed boyfriends about every three to six months (I though she was tiring of playing musical boyfriends and would settle on me... silly boy ) at one point she said to me "I'm worth fighting for, don't you think?" she was very intelligent and pretty too, but definitely had some issues.

[livi]

I believe your theory is correct, Scott.

"I am worth fighting for...donīt you think ??" That sentence screams out a deep need for confirmation in a person with a shaky self esteem, IMO.

[targa911S]

learn these words:

Yes
Uh Huh
Sure
OK
sounds good
looks good
great
whatever you like
sounds like a plan
that would do it
no problem

If you learn and use these words you won't even have to listen most of the time. Don't even TRY to figure them out. Just go with the flow. :-) If ya know what I mean.

[scottmandue]

Originally posted by targa911S
learn these words:

Yes
Uh Huh
Sure
OK
sounds good
looks good
great
whatever you like
sounds like a plan
that would do it
no problem

Do you think she will notice if I write those on the back of my hand?

[legion]

Originally posted by targa911S
learn these words:

Yes
Uh Huh
Sure
OK
sounds good
looks good
great
whatever you like
sounds like a plan
that would do it
no problem

I've been training my wife. When she asks me a question like:

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

I reply (absentmindedly):

"Uh-huh."

When she asks something like:

"Do you love me?"

I reply:

"Of course not...you look good no matter what you wear."

[targa911S]

must memorize. I have an added advantage as a bass player for over 40 years I only have 50% of my hearing left. I keep telling her that her tonal range is really difficult for me to hear. Seeing that a doctor told me this she buys it.

[scottmandue]

Originally posted by targa911S
must memorize. I have an added advantage as a bass player for over 40 years I only have 50% of my hearing left. I keep telling her that her tonal range is really difficult for me to hear. Seeing that a doctor told me this she buys it.

Hey I'm a bass player too! But I don't think I have that level of hearing loss (yet... just an armature). I tried that line on the "I'm worth fighting for, don't you think?" girl but I am pretty sure she would have only been impressed if I had fought off a pride of ravenous lions with a spoon.

[Flatbutt1]

As a last resort..." You're right dear, I'm sorry, I don't what I was thinking"

[slakjaw]

women do test men, in ways I could never dream up. I think its a little of each gender as well as personality. Dated my ex for 5 years which recently ended. Now back out trying to date again, I had forgotten how hard it is to find an independent woman. Must be why I was always attracted to women older then myself. I would tend to agree that the testing comes from self esteem issues, endless phishing for compliments and the like should have been a sign.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by livi
Scott, I have been around that block several (too many) times.

IMHO, women and men come from different planets. Women play by a complex set of game rules that men struggle to catch up with. If / when men catch up - they change the rules. It is like the enigma of the turtle and the rabbit. The rabbit will never really catch the turtle.

And that is the way it should be. That is part of the thrill and suspension. Cumbersome and frustrating. Agonizing and perplexing. But thatīs the name of the game. And a game it is. On a profoundly deep, biological level of survival of the fittest.

There can, IMO, only be one valid advice/comment: Always - and I mean always - be utterly true to yourself. Donīt try to play the game, trying to understand what the other partīs agenda is. Dig into your heart and do what feels right. That way you will not only be true to your own self and inner needs - you will also come out as a sincere and honest person with a high level of integrity.

If not else - that will turn them on..

Edit: who am I, expressing opinions on this matter...

Very good and correct way at looking at things. I stopped years ago worrying about trying to get or attract a woman, and just started being myself. Stopped worrying about it and went about life. Have more than I can deal with now and not even in the country.

Be yourself, be happy and if nothing works out then at least you are happy with yourself. I will not try to chase or change myself to do anything to attract women as its wasted time IMHO.

[targa911S]

Buddy Guy told me one day that "women are like busses...don't bother chasing them because there is another coming soon"...thanks Buddy.

[Danny_Ocean]

They're all (mostly) gold diggin' whores. I'm an "average" looking guy at best. When I drive around in my DD (Astro Van), I don't even get a second glance. When I drive around in the Porsche? I get waves, hello's, pictures taken, etc.

WTF?

[lendaddy]

Originally posted by Danny_Ocean
They're all (mostly) gold diggin' whores. I'm an "average" looking guy at best. When I drive around in my DD (Astro Van), I don't even get a second glance. When I drive around in the Porsche? I get waves, hello's, pictures taken, etc.

WTF?

Simple, money=security and women inherently crave security. That's not gold digging, it's human nature.

Women are a lot more simple than men make them out to be.

[red-beard]

I split with my wife when I was 33 and went into serious dating mode. I married kinda young and didn't date too much (married my College Girl Friend).

Anyhoo a few things to note:

#1. If a date doesn't have a place and a time setup, it is not yet a date. I figured this out on GF#1.

#2. The Girls with Low self esteem can be fun for a while, if you use them correctly, and use the low self esteem to get lots of sex. Usually, they equate sex with being good looking. No sex = not good looking. Lots of sex, means they are attractive. Usually, they are always looking for a boost. I had one where we manually played on the back of a ski bus in our seats. She was a lot of fun, but freaking nuts!

#3. Do not focus on the good traits, only. Look at the whole person. If there is something that bothers you, it will really bother you later.

#4. Know yourself. What do you want? Are you looking to play? Are you looking to settle down? Understand what you value and find out what she values. If they don't match, do not believe that she will change, especially if the person is over 35. But, seriously, you must know yourself and what you want. And just wanting to get laid is not wrong.

#5. Don't play games, but do figure out of the other person is interested. Don't always call. see if they call you. If the other person plays games (which girlfriend of mine would you be interested in if we weren't together, etc), move on. You don't need that crap.

#6. If all else fails, get a recently imported model that has not yet been corrupted!

"American Woman. Stay away from me..heee. American Woman. Momma let me be. - Coloured lights can hypnotize - Sparkle someone else's eyes"

[nostatic]

Don't call all the time. A woman who responds to that will scare you later. I will call twice without a response. After that, it's up to them. Life is short...

Things are very different when you're dating in your late 30's and beyond. Lots of women never married (hmm...), or divorced with no kids. And looking to get some. Fast. If that's your gig, you've got a lot of really attractive women to chose from. But you also have to ask why they're in the situation they are.

Red's "know yourself" is the most important advice. And know why you picked the wrong women before. Usually this involves some serious work with a shrink/therapist but ymmv. I also probably wouldn't date a woman who hadn't gone through some therapy so she figured out what *her* issues are too.

On a related note, how much do physical/looks issues bug you guys? Does it ruin it for you if the rest of the package is great? Red's "if there's something that bothers you..." comment got me wondering.

[targa911S]

From Harry Belefonte:

Chorus:
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Chorus

A pretty woman makes her husband look small,
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her, then she starts,
To do the things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life.
An ugly woman cooks meals all the time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

Chorus

Don't let your friends say you have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway.
Her face is ugly, her eyes don't match.
Take it from me, she's a better catch.

Chorus

Say, man?
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, and she's sure is ugly. Ha!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright.
Unfortunately, she has acne.
That's a shame, baby.
Yeah, baby.

Chorus x3

[nostatic]

Harry has a point...