What do men want (hope for) from a woman

[billyboy]

Besides the obvious physical desires, I was wondering what men desire from a woman that they marry or cohabitate or ltr? Friendship,support (emotional), somebody to argue with, what? I frequently wondered if I expected too much. I heard Dr. Laura on the radio and she was discussing things that make men happy. What she was saying sounded good to me and I was wondering if there are some expectations that most all men have in common.

[techweenie]

All was explianed very simply back in the 50s:

At last I've found the perfect girl
I couldn't ask for more
She's deaf and dumb and oversexed
and owns a liquor store

[Paul K]

For him:

Sexual fulfilment
Recreational companionship
Attractive spouse
Domestic support
Admiration

For Her:

Affection
Conversation
Honesty & openness
Financial support
Family commitment

I can't remember who wrote these, but hope it helps!

[fastpat]

They're really soft and smell good.

[Joeaksa]

Some idiot spent a lot of time and money figuring this one out.

I can paraphrase it for everyone. Guys want a low maintenance woman and sex. This was news in the Phoenix paper three days ago. Must be a slow news day as about any guy you ask on the street could have told them this, and for free to boot!


http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/arizonaliving/articles/1129boomer1129intro.html

Bachelor boomers

Mature men looking for love on their terms

The Arizona Republic

Nov. 29, 2006 12:00 AM

Single men older than 40 say they're looking for many things in a woman, but most especially they want one who's low-maintenance.

And interested in sex. And not just any sex, but good, meaningful sex.

For the first time in U.S. history, more adults are single than married. Some 49.7 percent of households are headed by married couples, according to the American Community Survey, released recently by the Census Bureau.

While the majority of single Americans are in their 20s and 30s, the 24 million single baby boomers are redefining what it means to be unmarried in a way that's unlike any group.

Boomers are healthier and living longer without the stigma of being single, as in the past. They are surer of what they're looking for in a partner than any other generation of singletons before them.

These factors mean boomers are turning upside-down old ideas about dating at midlife.

"These people are healthy, they're into looking good, feeling good, and they're out there dating," says April Masini, author of Think and Date Like a Man (iUniverse Inc., 2005, $15.95). "It's a whole new world."

Here is a look at what some single boomers have to say in their own words. Today, we hear from the men; Thursday, from the women.

[AFC-911]

Wow, that article was terrible! Haha, that's not news. That's common knowledge!!

[Don Plumley]

As a guy who married his college sweetheart, has two great kids and will celebrate 20 years of marriage next month, my perspective is probably not mainstream.

Unless you have a 100% view of how your life is going to work out (rarely possible), I think it's hard to pick a spouse when you are in your 20's. Your interests, motivations, goals, aspirations all change. When we got married, it didn't cross my mind that we'd have kids, or I'd change careers every four years, or that my wife would choose to stay home with the kids. We both changed a lot in those first five years, fortunately, our changes ended up syncing up by the time kid #2 was born. So I was just dumb lucky.

There's that picture of the hot girl with the caption that says to the effect, "somewhere, some guy is tired of her cra@p." When I see the girls that so often end up in Wicked Weasel pictures on Pelican OT, for a fraction of a second I wonder what it would be like. Then you remember that a day is 24 hours long, so what else will you do in the other 23 hours?

My wife is my best friend. We share very deep, common core values. Things like laughing at ourselves, worrying about our kids, not saving every dime but spending nickels on having a good time on memories. We are also fairly different in traits, but over the years, we are regressing to the mean -- becoming more alike. I used to be extraordinarily neat and organized. My wife is not. I'm a lot less picky about being neat because in the big picture, I've figured out I won't care about it on my deathbed. And it's fun to tease my wife about spattering batter all over the kitchen cabinets and not noticing.

I think that people that marry young don't realize how tumultuous having children can be. They are wonderful, stressful, life-changing. If both partners don't change in the same direction, this creates much resentment. As I said, I got really lucky on this one. Many people, sadly for their children, do not. The trend towards later marriages and having kids when older is a good thing for the kids. I would have been a much more involved father when my kids were babies if I wasn't trying to slay business dragons. On the other side, we get to take some kick-ass vacations now and the kids will never forget them.

With those common core values, trust is the next biggest component. We have separate lives as well. I've had the great fortune to have extensive business travel to the corners of the globe. It would be untenable is she worried about every night I was out late and not calling. And she has interests and activities that I'm not involved with. Today, they mostly center around the kids. But they'll evolve as time goes by.

I've noticed a pattern with divorced folks. (you divorced folks chime in here if I'm full of hot air) In general, and assuming kids are pretty much grown up, they choose a spouse that is a playmate/companion - to do more fun stuff together. I see a lot of second marriages that from the surface appear to be very solid and deep. Or the other pattern in the destructive one in which they keep remarrying because they don't have a clue.

So this is a long-winded (sorry) discussion, not an answer. I just know that I'm one of the lucky ones.

Don

[Flatbutt1]

Originally posted by Don Plumley
I've noticed a pattern with divorced folks. (you divorced folks chime in here if I'm full of hot air) In general, and assuming kids are pretty much grown up, they choose a spouse that is a playmate/companion - to do more fun stuff together.

Thats pretty much it for me, except I haven't found her yet. You see, when my wife left she took the dream with her. When you marry you're started out on building a life together. When that dream ends, especially when you have kids, its hard to start another life when you're so far along.

So when you try to start over and you're older thqn 40, there isn't that much of a future to build. In most cases you've already had kids and are too old to have more. So what are you building towards other than getting the kids thru college and planning your retirement?

[scottmandue]

Originally posted by Flatbutt1
*snip*

So when you try to start over and you're older thqn 40, there isn't that much of a future to build. In most cases you've already had kids and are too old to have more. So what are you building towards other than getting the kids thru college and planning your retirement?

That's pretty much where I am at however I don't have dark view of my post 40's you seem to have (at this moment).... possibly because I didn't have a woman suck all the life out of my pre-40's

Like Don said, as a "mature adult" I'm looking for a friend, playmate, companion. As most of you can tell by my post I'm still a big kid inside and have lots of fun things to see and do in the second half of my life. I love food, music, and travel and would like to have someone to share those thing, however I am at a place in my life where I can enjoy those things by myself and don't need someone else to drag alone to have a good time.

I also like great.... conversation... there I said it!

[Joeaksa]

Don,

Agree with much you have said. My first marriage went south because we were both young (me 22, she 18) and we were too damm young and grew in different ways and apart. Second wife was a professional (doctor type) and from a different country (Germany) and after 11 years together we both had changed and not in the same direction.

If you have found a lady you like and are a good couple, then am very happy for you. Unfortunately that happens far too little these days. Wish it was not this way but it is...

Joe

[Rick V]

I can't speak for Beth (the wife, boss whatever) But I married my best friend. We will be married for 21 years this May and we dated for 2 before that. I think that in order for a marrage to last you must be open minded(both sides) you must concider each equal, and never take for granted the other person. The last on on the list is the hardest to do. I married young and I am Beths second. Before we got married she asked me if that bothered me. My responce was that I always bought used cars so why not a used wife? Since she got the joke I knew I had a good one.
We have both changed over the years and not going in the same direction, on several things. This is where the openmindedness comes into play. I hate to go shopping, she hates to sit in the garage and bench race. I do my thing she does hers. In the evening we both end up back home together, rigale each other with the readers digest version of the day and enjoy some "us" time.
I married my best friend, and I couldn't have done better.
Those who have met us will tell you she could have done much better and that I am a lucky man.
I don't know I recon I'm just not tired of putting up with her crap yet.
To answer the question look for a friend.

[svandamme]

i gave up on this question
these days , i'll settle for one that is fit, flexible and feckable...
and who will hopefully fffFFFeck Off in the morning.

ain't nobody suckering me in no marriage , that's for sure
unless maybe it's somebody filthy rich and plenty stupid to do it without a prenumpt...i'm more then willing to be a trophy hubby...i will off course require massive amounts of toys and Porsche Bling...

[thedge]

Intellegence, wit, sense of humor, independent, low maintenance, not clingy, into some of the same things I am (outdoors, etc). The girls I enjoy being with the most are usually the ones who were called "tomboys" earlier in their life.

[jluetjen]

13 years of marriage later, plus raising 2 lovely daughters, here's what I hoped for and got:

1) She forgives me when I screw up
2) We share some interests (food, travel, our kids) and...
3) We make room for each other's non-shared interests without complaining (for example me and racing, or cars, or her and her work). Sometimes we make the effort to share some of those other interest like when she took the initiative and went and changed my brake pads at the track while I was at a driver's meeting. She did a good job too! I'll sit and listen to her talk about her day and about everything that went on at the office.
4) We can laugh about, and work around our differences (I'm an early riser, she's not).
5) She's still fun to "make out" with like we did when we were dating. Sure's she's no model, but then neither am I. But you know what? ...
6) Whenever she smiles at me it reminds me of why I married her in the first place.
7) She seems to put as much effort into making me happy as I try to put into making her happy.

Which brings me to my last point. In many respects it's not what you get out of a relationship that's important, but what you put in. If you try to start out each day determined to be a good husband (or whatever), then chances are it will happen. If both parties put the effort in to look out for the other person first, then you'll get out of the relationship what you wanted.

[Seahawk]

I was never comfortable with the, "best friend" wife approach, absolutely no judgement on those that have that in their relationship.

We have more of a Venn Diagram relationship...the overlap is amazing, but the other, seperate aspects of our lives is as important as well.

So it goes that I value my wife's independence as much as I value our interdependence.

But what do I know...17 years and still learning.

[masraum]

Personally I think this question is about as answerable as "what is the meaning of life?" There are as many answers to this question as there are men in the world, and for any one man the answer is going to be different at different points in his life. On top of that, I suspect that most people aren't really 100% certain what the answer for them at that time is, or if they think they know then they are probably at least somewhat wrong. No one said "I'm looking for my mom." But I have witnessed plenty of people that at least partially, this would fit. 99% of the time they wouldn't admit it even if they knew.

[m21sniper]

"What do men want (hope for) from a woman?"

Silence.

[svandamme]

Originally posted by m21sniper
"What do men want (hope for) from a woman?"

Silence.

dunno bout you , but me personally? i do like screamers at night!

[Rick V]

Originally posted by masraum
"what is the meaning of life?"

Monty Python answered that years ago.
Sorry I sometimes just can't help myself.
All marrage is a crap shoot, the only ones that will survive are the ones that can change as life dictates. It's like ties, the thin ons go out of style and the fat ties come back. Marrage will change, just a matter if the marrage is willing to change as well. It's tough but what in life isn't. Marrage isn't for everybody, some are destined to remain single. Us married guys live vicariously through the single guys. (just a joke don't start hammering). I found Beth when I wasn't looking for someone, I just decided to drift around for a while. I think looking for a wife or someone with the qualities you want will lead to a fruitless adventure, could be fun though.

[wreckersteve]

I am knew to this married thing. Only 3 years. I got married when I was 32 so I had a little time to figure out what I wanted. i wanted someone who was there for me but didnt need me there all the time. Has the same goals that I do. Someone who could wait for something and didnt have to have it all now. Also it helped that the first husband set the mark so low I cant srew up.