happy holidays: move and not tell you

[azasadny]

Todd,
I hope things get better for you and your family. Last Christmas was the first Christmas since Nixon was in the White House with my father and it was very nice. We got reacquainted and restarted our relationship and the ones who benefit the most are my two kids. They never knew their grandfather (my father) at all and now he's making up for lost time. I sincerely hope things turn around for you!!

[Rikao4]

Static, the opposite for me. Mom has moved down here , like across the street from me. So now I'm it..after 25 yrs of a holiday here and there. It's trying for sure, but I will do better, cause there will come a day when I wish she was 'across the street'
now kick yourself with that good leg in the kister , and realize that you have much to be thankful for.
Rika

[lendaddy]

Originally posted by nostatic
'Fraid I'm not heading down to SD for a warm snuggly xmas with dear old dad. Well, unless he has copies of the rewritten trust for me before then. It's a business arrangement now.

Why does there need to be any lasting tension between you two? Sounds like he made a decision about his life and wanted to avoid the drama with your brother. Go down there, give him a hug and be thankful he's still around.

Maybe I misunderstand what happened?

BTW, my .02 is rumored to be worthless

[KFC911]

Originally posted by lendaddy
Why does there need to be any lasting tension between you two? Sounds like he made a decision about his life and wanted to avoid the drama with your brother. Go down there, give him a hug and be thankful he's still around....

What lendaddy said... Nostatic, even if you dad is in the wrong 'this time', be a bigger man and take the high road. Do it for your son...and your dad...and your self !

[Moneyguy1]

Curious, so this brings up a question that affects children whose mother or father have ever remarried and what happens to real property...

Anyone ever had a "life estate" set up for the new spouse with the children as "remaindermen"?

Saves a lot of grief....

[arcsine]

Sorry to hear this Todd. I am also dealing with an estranged father making decisions for his second family and ignoring his blood. I too got tired of the rationalizations long a go and have distanced myself but it still makes me sad.

[nostatic]

Len, there is far more history in this. I'm not going to deny my son seeing his grandfather, but I'm also not going to just go along like nothing happened. This is part of a long pattern that is spiraling in very ugly directions. I'm not going to get caught in the whirlpool. I've consistently taken the high road (like when he removed me as executor of the college trust for my son and put his new wife in that position...so she could use the money "if she needed to" after he died) and will continue to. But I'm also not going to sugar coat it. He's seriously damaged, and the key is to not end up like him. Acting out of abject fear...

[Jim Richards]

Todd, you need more pr0n. That'll lift your spirits. Z-man's probably got a few servers worth from scrubbin' threads. Come on, Z, share!

[lendaddy]

I don't claim to know your situation and I apologize if I poured salt in the wound....every situation is unique.

But(always one of those), it is his money and his first responsibility should be to his wife. But if there are some mental health or other issues causing irrational decisions on his part then I don't know what to say. But if he is of sound mind he has the right to do whatever he wants with what is his.

But is sounds like there is much more to this and I hope you can find a way to stay close to the old man.

[nostatic]

Originally posted by Moneyguy1
Curious, so this brings up a question that affects children whose mother or father have ever remarried and what happens to real property...

Anyone ever had a "life estate" set up for the new spouse with the children as "remaindermen"?

Saves a lot of grief....

Bob, in this case my parents had an A-B trust. From what I understand they named my brother and I as the recipients of the estate with a 50/50 split. When my mom died her half of the trust "froze" and we became vested, although we don't get anything until my dad passes. When my dad remarried (ie was pursued by a woman who had been trolling the bereavement support groups for 2+ years), she wanted to have a house to live in for the rest of her life (he's now 81, she's 61). His house was paid for, but since it was the bulk of the estate his remaining "A" half of the trust couldn't cover it. So he first tried to get us to agree to dissolve the original A-B trust and he would write a new one with a 1/3-1/3-1/3 split. My brother refused, and rightly so because once the original trust was dissolved the new one could be rewritten at any time for any reason. Then my dad tried to get him to agree to a living trust on the house for her, but since my brother is 58 years old, he said no again, arguing that she'd probably outlive him.

So fast forward and I try to help broken a deal to make everyone happy. Basically see if my dad can free up some money to buy my brother and I out of the house so he can leave it to her. But no go. I actually suggested he sell the house and buy a mobile home as the money left over would fund the B trust. So that's what he ended up doing, but for whatever reason wanted to keep the whole thing a secret. Just like he wanted to keep the fact that he rewrote his A portion of the trust giving everything to his new wife and removing me as executor of my son's college trust. The only reason I found out about that was because he asked me for my SSN and I refused to tell him unless he told me why he wanted it.

I don't really give a crap about the money...she's going to find a way to burn through it anyway. It's about being treated with some degree of respect. When my mom died I was there for him nonstop for months on end. But that is easily rationalized away. At least I can see it for what it is...

[tabs]

This makes me want to cry. Moving and not telling your child is a complete rejection of the child and an abandonment of being a parent. This tells a child that the parent just can't deal with him/her and that the parent is such a weak/passive mtherfuker that they are just going to disapear. This strikes at the very core of our beings.

I've watched U struggle with ***** for a long time Nostatus, I hear 2 things one is that you are going to move ahead even if you have a struggle in yourself and the acceptance that all U have left with Dad is a business arrangement.

But the grief that U have over it coming down to that with Dad is like a dagger in the heart. Anything less is not taking yourself seriously, to deny your own self worth.... you deny your own being to the degree that U deny it causes U pain.

I am one wicked mtherfker, I have been known to talk the devil out of a soul or two. I am a survivor of the abyss, I have had the flames of he11 licking at my a$$, so I know exactly what it takes. Exactly why do U think I make the jokes I do about this *****. Exactly why do U think I know the ***** that I know. It didn't come easy nor cheap. I have been in the center of a tornado where a steel I beam gets twisted like a prezel, where logic and reason are the first casualities of war. It takes a dogged determination in the mine of the soul and a faith that things will get better to survive.

Imagine emotion as a frequency wave and meds as a wave limitor that lops off the top and bottom of the wave. I've always opted for the roller coaster ride Daddy. Take the ride, take the trip you'll survive if you have the guts to hang on for dear life.

Now I'm just an old man who has traveled down a dusty road fraught with peril and danger only to come over the rise and see the promised land below.

I sit here and wonder just how much I should reveal for I am going to have to suffer the slings and arrows of the ignorant.

[nostatic]

that's why I'm out on the rope bridge crossing the abyss as we type. No way but forward. I've been through stuff that killed many of my friends (literally and figuratively). Just hoping that Beatrice helps me along the path...

[tabs]

All U and your brother are gona get is 1/2 the estate...so you are gona get 1/4 of it. In essence your Moms half.

However if the house is not recorded as being owned by the Trust with the County, guess what..it not included. All assets that the Trust owns have to be vested with the Bank or Brokerage House, County etc as being owned by the Trust. Any asset not so vested is not included under the Trust.

[nostatic]

well, i'm trying to get the current version of the trust. He had it rewritten and doesn't seem to want to give me the name of the new attorney or a copy. I said because I'm a party to it I think he has to provide me with a copy.

All this bs over money. But for him it is about fear. Well, if you can't be a good parent, at least you can serve as a bad example so your son can work on his ***** and not screw up the next generation as bad...

[scottmandue]

Geeze Todd that sucks... really really sucks.

Sad what money does to some people.

Try to plan something fun for Xmas day...but remember it is just another day.

[tabs]

This is way more than money... I know this from just listening to Nostatus over the years and the allusions he has made. He struggles and has struggled mightily with *****.

If the ownership of the house was recorded with the County as being in the Trust, then check derived from its sale has to made to the Trust and deposited into an account with the Trust as being the owner.

[nostatic]

he said the B portion of the trust was funded from the proceeds of the sale. I just don't have any paperwork other than the original document.

Yeah, this is way more than money...the financial aspect pales in comparison with the other issues. Struggle is a good word, as it has been a lot of hard work on my part to sort this ***** out. Most people don't really undertake it, and I understand why...it isn't pleasant at all. God knows my dad never did. But he is who he is. And we're all flawed.

Well, except you tabby

[tabs]

How are U suppoed to feel about stuff like this...is this supposed to make U happy, is it no big deal and you can just blightly carry on with your life as if notheing ever happened. Does it make U feel angry, it would me until the pain..and sadness hits. Then I would feel sad that it has come down to this. This is something that just is, its the way things are between parent and child and until something different happens between the two this is the way it is and this is how I feel about it. Now after awhile U get used to it, and move on upon mended wing...U can forgive but U can never forget

[tabs]

Tabby is just perfect in his imperfection...I flaunt it...

[scottmandue]

Maybe you could fly tabs down to SD to have a little "talk" with pops.


Eight hours and counting on PPBBS relocation