Problems with former wife (rant)

[Aerkuld]

Mistake, sorry

[rcecale]

Yep, aren't they all?

Randy

[nostatic]

is she hot?

[Aerkuld]

Originally posted by nostatic
is she hot?

Hot tempered.

[the]

and she obviously monitors PPOT . . .

[Aerkuld]

Basically she is pi$$ing about with my time with our boys.

She decided the other week to switch visitation weekends around, which is the second time this year that she has taken it upon herself to do so. She doesn't ask, just tells me and if I don't like it then I don't get to see my boys. I told her at the time that I have plans for the weekend coming to which her response is that I'll have to rearrange. As being as I couldn't cancel my travel plans for the weekend I arranged to have tomorrow off so that the boys could come and stop with me tonight and we would have an early Christmas tomorrow. As I am leaving early Saturday morning I arranged to drop them off Friday evening.

Today she tells me that I need to drop then off Saturday, because its my weekend and she won't be there Friday so I can't drop them off then. But I am leaving Saturday morning, so I can't do that. She is the sort of person that, if they came to stop with me tonight, would make sure she is out until late Saturday so I can't drop them off just to ruin my weekend. I am not being paranoid here, she's done it before.
Basically I think she want to control me, which is why the marriage ended in the first place.
So now I am at home by myself, the boys are with her and she's F-ed up my time with them and their time with me, just so she can cause mayhem.

What a b1tch!

I could go on, the full story is a lot worse than this, but that is what's bothering me today.

Wow, do I feel better now!

[Aerkuld]

Originally posted by the
and she obviously monitors PPOT . . .

I don't think so, well at least I hope not.

I changed the original post as it could well have turned into a ten page essay!

[fastpat]

We had some similar issues with my wife's ex, on a much reduced level. The kinds of things she's doing is to enable her to continue having a say in your life, to affect what you can and cannot do. Your seeing the children is a weapon.

If it's not too much of a financial strain, I'd talk to my lawyer again, and ask if there can't be a reasonable time constraint built into the custody arrangements. As far as I know, that's about the best you can do and still see your children.

[FrayAdjacent911]

Is custody a court mandate? Wouldn't she have to go through the court to change said custody?

Basically, I think it's BS that she's ALLOWED to change weekends on you without your approval.

[rcecale]

If the visitation is detailed in your divorce decree, you may be able to force a "contempt of court" ruling on her. Obviously not for this weekend, but for future visits.

Could give you the upper hand in the future.

Randy

[Aerkuld]

The problem with trying to enforce what the court rules is the cost. She is well aware of this too. Basically it isn't worth it as most of the time I can just re-arrange my weekends, it's just that she's caught me this time where I can't.

She doesn't seem to pay any attention to what the court rules anyway, all she does is find a new attorney, kick up a fuss about the last ruling and drag me and my attorney back into court over some trivial issue.
Then when her attorney doesn't get paid he drops her, but it's still cost me money. She's done this twice now to two different attorneys. If there is a good side to this, it's a small town and I think she's running out of people who will represent her.

[johnco]

I dealt with this for 18 years. Now my daughter is 19, off to college, and has as little to do with her mother as can be and as much as possible with me.. she won't even give her mother her new cell number. I told the witch things would turn on her long ago. damn shame, I... we, missed out on so much for so long. courts won't help, child services won't help, lawyers will take her to court $$$$.. it will stop for a while, then return to the same *****. she gets a slap on the wrist and continues to make your life miserable.. but... try keeping them from her once and see how fast you end up in court and/or jail. and it will cost her nothing.. been there, done that

[Aerkuld]

Originally posted by johnco
I dealt with this for 18 years. Now my daughter is 19, off to college, and has as little to do with her mother as can be and as much as possible with me.. she won't even give her mother her new cell number. I told the witch things would turn on her long ago. damn shame, I... we, missed out on so much for so long. courts won't help, child services won't help, lawyers will take her to court $$$$.. it will stop for a while, then return to the same *****. she gets a slap on the wrist and continues to make your life miserable.. but... try keeping them from her once and see how fast you end up in court and/or jail. and it will cost her nothing.. been there, done that

I hear you johnco.

Now, of the two boys, one of them is mine and the other is her son from a former marriage. Both her and I actually agreed in the last court session that we wanted my step son to visit too. After all, he has grown up with me being his 'Dad' for most of his life.
Funnily enough I have always got on well with his 'real' Dad. Since the seperation we have become fairly good friends and he has givern me a lot more details about his previous situation than I had before.

Guess what?

She did this to him too! In fact it is uncanny how similar the situation is in both cases, both before and after the seperation. Very odd.

[Flatbutt1]

brother do i hear you loud and clear. mine did the same to me. only I dropped everything to accomodate being with my kids. did so for 14 years. I was unable to maintain any kind of a social life for myself. now 19 years after the divorce i'm still alone. I have a fabulous relationship with my son, a mildly troubled relationship with my daughter but no lady in my life. and I'm so set in my ways that I don't think I can make the necessary compromises that come with a committed relationship.

good luck brother

[fastpat]

Originally posted by Aerkuld
The problem with trying to enforce what the court rules is the cost. She is well aware of this too. Basically it isn't worth it as most of the time I can just re-arrange my weekends, it's just that she's caught me this time where I can't.

She doesn't seem to pay any attention to what the court rules anyway, all she does is find a new attorney, kick up a fuss about the last ruling and drag me and my attorney back into court over some trivial issue.
Then when her attorney doesn't get paid he drops her, but it's still cost me money. She's done this twice now to two different attorneys. If there is a good side to this, it's a small town and I think she's running out of people who will represent her.

You may be working up to a good case for custody yourself, and she'd have to work out visitation with you. From the sound of it, eventually, she'd stop visiting all together.

In the end, that may be best.

[juanbenae]

you needed to get her on all fers. then yer in charge.

[Aerkuld]

Originally posted by fastpat
You may be working up to a good case for custody yourself, and she'd have to work out visitation with you. From the sound of it, eventually, she'd stop visiting all together.

In the end, that may be best.

Thanks fastpat, and everyone else. It's surprising how good it is to get reassurance and other peoples feedback.

Unfortunately even in the best case scenario I would only be able to gain custody of the youngest, who is my son. My step son I obviously don't have a chance. I don't know what the boy's reaction would be to them being forced apart, it may end up doing more harm than good. That may be the way things are going.

It has crossed my mind that she may actually be doing this in order, in her mind at least, to say to the court that I don't put the boy's first and that my plans take priority. Convoluted I know, but she has never been particularly rational.

[fastpat]

Originally posted by Aerkuld
Thanks fastpat, and everyone else. It's surprising how good it is to get reassurance and other peoples feedback.

Unfortunately even in the best case scenario I would only be able to gain custody of the youngest, who is my son. My step son I obviously don't have a chance. I don't know what the boy's reaction would be to them being forced apart, it may end up doing more harm than good. That may be the way things are going.

It has crossed my mind that she may actually be doing this in order, in her mind at least, to say to the court that I don't put the boy's first and that my plans take priority. Convoluted I know, but she has never been particularly rational.

Your ace in the hole is the first ex-husband, who might like more visitation with his son.

Of course, I'd never suggest collusion with another person...

[Aerkuld]

Originally posted by fastpat
Your ace in the hole is the first ex-husband, who might like more visitation with his son.

Of course, I'd never suggest collusion with another person...

That's not such a bad idea, I just don't know if there is any legal precedent that would enable this. For sure he is very appreciative of the time I have spent, and continue to spend with his son. I don't think he would have any objection, but the fact that he wasn't awarded custody of his son in the first instance probably doesn't help.

I think he is terrified of her, but he has indicated on several occasions that he admires my patience with her and that he feels as though he gave in too easily.

Part of the reason behind my patience is that I have experienced what she did to me, and then to find out that this is exactly what she did before just makes me want to show her that she can't get away with it.

I actually feel sorry for her in some ways, weird I know, but I seriously think she's delusional. She never seems to see anything as being her fault, it's always someone else.

It's a shame that the court almost always automatically sides with the mother on custody issues. It is actually VERY difficult for a father to get custody of their children, according to my attorney.

I will speak with my attorney and see what he suggests.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts
Threads like these cause me to pick up flowers for my wife. Divorce = everyone loses except the lawyers...

-Wayne

I can think of several ex-wives I need to pick up flowers for.

AND PUT THEM ON THEIR GRAVES!

Now I feel better...