A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

No advice Super...just sympathy. Paul

if a bunch of friends, who have all taken beatings, got together for coffee, eggs, and bagels at sunrise?
and heard about a "smacked around" situation that one of them just had.. how would the coffee conversation progress ? ? ?

hellohttp://www.pelicanparts.com/support/smileys/fles.gif

your whole thread was extraordinary.

to bad it's not personal from the "Great Society" children.. then you would know who your enemies are.. it probably won't change till some bureauritic crisis hits them. then it's out with the old, in with the new. I guess it may be how your age falls on the scale of bureaucratic history..
they needed years to catch up and restrain/scare the young ones in the late '60s, early '70s.. probably 6 to 8 years, textbook wise.. generally.
being of age from late teens to early twentys thru those years was
wild http://www.pelicanparts.com/support/.../pimpflash.gif

dmac,

That's horrifying. I'm glad you got your boy back and outta that house.

I wish my post was extraordinary - but it's not. These are the situations that Dad's face everywhere (throughout the US at least). Millions of Dad's look on helplessly as their child support money is squandered, while the children live in neglect. I wish every young single man could hear my story. At least they could start their life with their eyes open.

Again, women are not bad people. However, we have created a situation (marriage, divorce) that gives them absolute power, which corrupts absolutely. I also have a stepdaughter and a foreign exchange student - both 15 year old girls. I love them very much. One of my greatest fears is the destruction they may do to their future family and themselves because of the unhealthy power that the left wing femin-nazis will give them.

Dmac, you have every right to be fustrated, and kudos to you for saving your son from that terrible situation. I can totally relate to what you are saying about absolute power, corruption, and useless bureaucracy.

However - keep in mind the system in place today is founded to protect the children and is operating on some very basic and proven principles. Historically, men are the most common perpetrators of violence against women and children. Men also make up the largest percentage of abusers and sexual offenders. It is exceedingly rare to find a woman who would purposefully or willingly put her own children at risk or in harms way - unfortunately the same cannot be said for men. For good or bad, men tend to think with either of their two heads, women usually stick to their hearts.

Unfortunately, your situation (dad's home better than mom's home) is not the norm and you had to fight to get it right. I'm not saying the system is perfect, obviously its not, but looking at historical evidence, it is setup for addressing the most common situations. Best of luck to you Dmac.

I read motion's thread several months ago, and once again a few days ago. Then, I read the thread on the 911 Technical forum about the Boxster license plate that read "WASHIS."

I guess I'm naive, but I never realized how relationships can be so badly scewed. My parents are immigrants to the US, and they tell me to forget American women. I'm quick to cast off their advice (what can I say, American women can be so hot), but now I seriously think they're right, to some extent.

dmac, superman, motion, you guys have my sympathy. Hope good things are in your futures.

The question I have, as a single guy, how can you tell if the woman is going to be your soulmate for eternity??? Can you even tell? Do you just take your chances? I've always been worried about the financial implications of a divorce, but then I realized there is a lot more at stake. How I can avoid being a statistic?

Jürgen

David - You are correct, a number of men have physically hurt their wives and children. But that has become a stereotype, as is the idea that women care for their children. Stereotypes makes it very difficult for the many, many men who really care for their children to be allowed to do so. It's a form of discrimination - that ultimately hurts the children.

Jurgen - Keep your eyes open, avoid golddiggers, liars, cheats. Eventually the right girl will come along and you will know (with a 50% chance of actually being right!).

Jürgen, no. No. No. With an attitude like that - stay single :)

Honestly, you don't approach a marriage with thoughts like that. The keys to marriage are communication and respect. It's like a friendship, with benefits :), you constantly have to work at it. Like mentioned previously, people change, that is guaranteed. It's the couple's responsibility to help guide the change into something postive for the relationship.

My wife and I also happen to be best friends. We try to spend our weekends together doing something we both enjoy. Of course we have our personal time - but we absolutely make our time together a priority. Life, work, kids, Porsches, bills, they all compete for your time and energy. As long as you continue to recognize the real priorities you will be ahead of the game.

Your goal should be to locate a women who places the same importance on these things - and not a 2ct diamond ring. In time that will come (suprise for my wife coming - she doesn't read this board). :)

I couldn't help but think of all the Hollywood marriages that fail when reading your post. The primary reason for the failures - selfishness. These folks are all about themselves and what is best for them. Career, looks, money, all these things are top priority to them. Sure, even us common folk have some of that - but when you commit to a marriage it should evolve into "what's best for us", with just a hint "what's good for me too". Best of luck.

Jürgen, I can think of two general, though major, problems exist with American women.

First, there exists a major Cinderella farse. There is some of this in other countries, but hey, this is where it started. . . no wonder the world hates us.

Second, many American women seem to believe that showing femininity is showing weakness. (enter feminazis) Women of the ROW use femininity as a strength . . .ask an Italian man. ;)

What this leads to is a terrible conflicted mix of a woman. One that wants a $80k+ Cinderella wedding, but will slap your face (or worse) if you suggest she ought to know how to cook.

That said, some of us have done fine marrying the American woman

Why do the words "hook, line & sinker" come to mind? Oh I know, because nobody should swallow that load of crap.

Essentially your words promulgate the idea that 'it's okay if the woman, made responsible for raising kids, is incompetent . . .as long as she means well.' AND 'men are incapable of ever properly raising children ... because they're too often thinking with their little head.'

News-flash -- thats all BS!

my only post on page 4 is serious info. it's fool-proof

Nowhere in my post did I even hint that a competent men was incapable of raising children and/or that an incompetent women would do a better job. As I stated when this is the case the system can let you, and dmac, down. The reality is that there are imcompetent fathers and mothers everywhere - its just more common for it to be the male figure. How often do you hear about mothers abandoning their families?

Yes, while you didn't hint at an "absolute', I think you did (more than) hint at the idea that women are by nature better suited for rasing children alone.
Okay, so "Moms home" is generally "Better" how?
. . . Better at caving to the every whim of the child; creating a spoiled brat that can't cope in the real world?
. . .Better at providing an emotional roller-coaster?

The thing is; men and women have (general/stereotypical) relative strengths and weaknesses.
To fall back on some preconceived, stereotypical notion that the "benifit of the doubt" should go to the woman is HUGELY irresponsible to the well being of the child(ren).

Based on the handfull of cases that make the news it's become a general public misperception that men are wife beaters, and most divorces are because of this. Most divorces are initiated by women, but so they can "find themselves" or some other selfish bull$hit, enabled by their ability to milk their ex- for a living, all at the expense of the kids. In my personal life I know countless examples of this - and none of the wife/child beating variety. My friends in the medical and legal professions back-up this assertion.

Ahh - but what are the long term effects on a woman? My ex- enjoyed a free ride for many years. But the system actually set her up for a big fall. When custody of my son changed to me she lost $800/mo in "child support", and she had to start paying $250/mo! A big income swing ($1050/mo) for a clerical worker! Think about it - all those years she was freeloading she had no motivation to improve her lot in life - a welfare addict. When the gravy train stopped, she crashed! Recently she was fired from her long term clerical job (due to lazyness), and she will likely be unemployed/underemployed for a long time due to lack of skills and low motivation. The femi-nazi system created her downfall - from beginning to end.

It took a few years for me to recover - but I have a kind second wife, my son, a beautiful stepdaughter, and a delightful exchange student/daughter. I have two college degrees, live in a great house, great job, and have an old Porsche 911! It has been a long, rough, road to get here.

I'll stick with my story: it's the "system" (laws, courts, Judges, court services, "Child Protection", attorneys, and the left-wing femi-nazi influence on these) that's broken, not women.

Wow, dmac; another awesome post . . .right to the crux of the matter; Children become pawns of the welfare addict.

This system *is* sooo screwed.

Some yes - Most - definitely not. Come on now, most women get divorced to get away from their cheating and/or abusive husbands. I've read that over 75% of married men will cheat on their wives - many times the number was even higher. I used to think that was a load of crap. Looking back over the 10 years of marriage I've seen too many marriages come apart exactly for that reason. An also consider that in most cases emotional abuse is much more difficult to handle than physical abuse - and hard to prove.

I'm not saying all men are like this but rest assured the Caveman is alive and well.

You are right about the system - it is broken.

No no no. You're comparing a good man to a good woman. That scenario results in a draw. The "system" assumes the man is the weak link (historical trends) and prefers to place the child with the mother.

You are right Island, it is HUGELy irresponsible and that's what needs to be fixed - however male pattern aggression towards women and children is not preconceived or stereotypical.

And so who, do you think, is reponsible for the majorty of emotional abuse ?

The bottom line is abusive people use what weapons they've got. For example;a woman may continue a barage of emotional abuse, until they achieve the goal of "bringing out the Caveman" . . .sometimes just to heighten 'sexual energy' in the relationship . . .sometimes to show-off her power . . .sometimes to send the guy to jail (a baited power-play)

What I'm reading in your posts (dmoo') is one of the biggest Caveman behaviours; the "rescuer behaviour."
How does the song go; " a woman in trouble is a temporary thing."
[manly-voice]. . .'wait right there mam, I will retrieve your child for you AND I will make that bastard pay too.' [/manly-voice]

Yes, the Caveman is, apparently, alive and well. :rolleyes: