Two Recent (Exasperating) Exchanges with the Grilf - Page 3

lendaddy · 03-09-2007, 12:04 PM

Me: Are we still going to the Johnsons tonight for drinks? When?

Her: Well I called Tina and she doesn't get out of work till 6

Me: K, so when are we going over there?

Her: Well she has to get the kids ready for the sitter and I guess her mother is coming over for a little while as well and...

Me: Are we getting to an answer here?

Her: On what?

Me: When/if we're going!

Her: I was trying to tell you that.

Me: Just say a time, I don't need to know or care how you and Tina arrived at that time, just say it.

Her: 7:30

Me: Thank you.

Mind you this is done in good humor, not in anger. I think women are so stunned that we ask them for something that they grab ahold of the opportunity to start a conversation...They should know better

Dueller · 12:09 PM

I feel your pain....but...

In the first exchange you lost control. Instead of letting the conversation degenerate when it became apparent she did not tell him to call you about X, had you responded with "I see....do you think he would mind if I called him about X ownership?" none of the rest of the crap would have come up. I really think you should have let it go that she didn't ask him to call you.

In the second exchange, you made the mistake of not definitively stating you did mnot want to go on impulse...Your first statement was "Well, we could go tonight, but...." Had you started out with "I don't want to go tonight, I rather plan it so we don't have to rush...yadadadadad", I don't think the conversation would have taken the direction it did.

I think you're trying to be concilliatory and take her feelings into account a bit much. Not trying to defend her...I understand where you're coming from, but I kinda see her point if you've been extremely deferential in the past. Which I suspect you have.

Just say what you mean and be done with it. I bet she can deal with it better than you give her credit. Although the unjustified "You're saying I'm stupid..." is a bit melodramatic on her part.

Cornpanzer · 03-09-2007, 12:09 PM

I am so glad this is a universal problem LOL.
Let me ask you this.....how many times does the waiter have to come to the table before she will order. Usually I end up telling the waiter that it is her last meal.....

scottmandue · 03-09-2007, 12:19 PM

Excellent post Dueller...

And yes I have saved the waiter the walk over to the table several times by waving him off when he/she looked our way... and this at a restaurant she had been to many many times before... and of course there is the obligatory interview with the waiter "what do you like, what looks good tonight?". Typically I would guess it takes half an hour from when we sit down to ordering.

It used to bother me but now I just blow it off and figure it's extra time to make small talk with the GF.

dtw · 03-09-2007, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cornpanzer
I am so glad this is a universal problem LOL.
Let me ask you this.....how many times does the waiter have to come to the table before she will order. Usually I end up telling the waiter that it is her last meal.....

I have a certain family member that is guilty of this. As soon as she declares a selection that sounds halfway resolute, one of the male family members will discreetly but swiftly confiscate her menu. It is all in good fun but is also very effective.

nineoneone · 03-09-2007, 12:22 PM

Forgive me guys but I'm really considering having my wife read this post to help her understand what we go thru over a very basic question.

Where would you like to eat tonight?
I'm afraid I would get the puppy dog eyes and the "your such a dope for telling them"
I really think it would be different if we didn't know each other. I know what she likes she knows what I like but just NOT on the same dayum days.

tobster1911 · 03-09-2007, 12:23 PM

Have you ever heard two women talking on a speaker phone? I swear they are not having a conversation but they somehow manage to get their message across.

I think men just have to understand that women talk in a "stream-of-conscious" manner. They process things verbally where men like to "think" about it and give a final answer. This is the way it is with my wife and I.

Me: Lets go out for dinner.
Her: Ok, where do you want to go?

Me: I don't care. Is there someplace you have been wanting to go?
Her: Well I just had A, and I am not feeling like B..... oh, C sounds good don't you think?

Me: I really don't care. You can pick.
Her: Well we have not ever eaten at D, E is too far, F made me sick......

Me: Do you know what you want yet?
Her: Why don't you ever decide where we eat? I have to make all the decisions.

Me: Because I really don't care where we eat and you obviously do. Lets go, Chipotle it is.

71T Targa · 03-09-2007, 01:18 PM

The dinner question is solved with a game we call 4-2-1. One of us picks 4 places we'd like to go. The other narrows it to two, and then the first picks between those two.

Problem solved...

arcsine · 03-09-2007, 01:44 PM

ah yes, the dreaded "where do you want to eat?" question.

My wife seems to believe that each and every meal should be memorable in some way; remarkable food, atmosphere, something. On my hand though, if the food is good or the location memorable then that is a bonus. If I am hungry, I eat and eating keeps me alive. That is all the commitment I need to the dining experience most of the time.

Moses · 03-09-2007, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by arcsine
ah yes, the dreaded "where do you want to eat?" question.

Yup. I'm pretty much sick of "fine dining". I'll always opt for a great local burger/rib joint with a great bar and loud music. My wife always wants to try someplace new. She likes it but it feels like work to me.

on2wheels52 · on2wheels52's Garage

I just had to give my wife a hug. We're not June and Ward but we communicate well. She takes it nicely I point out her her foibles (if done with a bit of humor). Maybe we're just lucky.
Jim

Overpaid Slacker · 03-09-2007, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dueller
I feel your pain....but...

In the first exchange you lost control.... I really think you should have let it go that she didn't ask him to call you.

In the second exchange, you made the mistake of not definitively stating you did mnot want to go on impulse...Your first statement was "Well, we could go tonight, but...."

Just say what you mean and be done with it. I bet she can deal with it better than you give her credit. Although the unjustified "You're saying I'm stupid..." is a bit melodramatic on her part.

On the first point -- you're right. And here's why. I HATE text messaging. Almost as much as I HATE being on the phone. So when it took more than 2 msgs to wrap things up, I got pissed and said "as long as I'm texting, it's going to be cathartic for me!"

It is a CONSTANT that she will send half of the information, apparently oblivious to the fact that I'll have to write back with a request for the other half that it's freaking obvious that I'm going to need, so why not include it in the first dayum place. BTW, I like that "Dayum"!

2nd -- I was actually on the fence about going. It would be nice to get it over with, and least inconvenient to go today (and she had the time off this weekend) but I really didn't feel up to it. For reasons I'll post in another thread later. If she'd wanted to go tonight, really really, I would be on the road right now.

But, whether she wanted to or not got lost in the short-circuit in our communication that pissed me off -- AGAIN! Once she'd said "black" when I said "white" --- and then told me I said "black" the underlying issue of whether we were going anywhere this weekend was a distant memory.

In my defense, I do say what I mean. Too much/forceably so perhaps, but in the 2nd instance I was trying to lay out that what I meant was I was on the fence.

Moses - I'm w/ you. I prefer ginmills to haute cuisine... and 99% of the time I'd rather sit at the bar and eat. Fortunately the current grilf is like that as well.

On the whole, she's a great girl and we have a great rel. But this is one of those things that has to change. Get the clue. Learn from the friction, etc. Gotta happen.

JP

Dueller · 03:59 PM

OK, Slack...let me tell you how I get past all the zaniness that separates us from the fairer sex. It really is simple. And applies to everything in male female dynamics. Whether a minor yet irritating decision about where to eat or whether you get dumped for no reason. A bit crass but it works for me....

If you're tapping that azz (or did before she dumped you), you've won.

Zeke · 03-09-2007, 04:10 PM

Y'all need to get a cat and live with it. My rule to understanding cats is called the "15 Second Rule." You will notice soon enough that a cat will make its move in 15 seconds after you initiate. Some cats are more spontaneous, but for the ones that are really plain ol' cats, this works. This is also why so many people like dogs. They don't want to play the cat game. However, how much fun can you have with an animal that never challenges you?

Once you can get a cat to do mostly what you want from it, you can do the same with a woman.

My analysis of your converstion:

ME: Hey, check X out. I'm thinking about buying it!

HER: I have a friend who owned an X. I can ask him about it if you'd like.

ME: Great! Please ask him to call me to discuss X ownership! Thanks (she thinks you want to buy it)

(10 minutes)

HER: He sold the X.

ME: OK. Is he going to call me?

HER: For what? (since it sold, she doesn't see your point)

ME: (resending prior text) To discuss X ownership. Do you even READ my text messages?

HER: I tried do do something nice for you and you're upset? I thought you wanted to buy X. (a very genuine response)

ME: It was a considerate offer, but I asked you specifically to ask him to call me, which was what I was interested in, and would be helpful, and which you didn't do. You did something nice, but useless. I didn't want to buy his X; where did that idea come from? I don't care if he HAS an X anymore, I care about discussing X ownerhip. this is a new comcept to her and she can't figure out why you're agitated.)

This degenerated into "if you think I'm so stupid, why do you date me?" (good question)

2nd converstion:

ME: Well, we could go tonight, but I'd rather wait a couple of weeks and plan to go, instead of having to pull this together at the last second.

HER: Me too; I'd rather go tonight.

ME: Wait, what? That's exactly not what I just said. (this is where you say, "I just changed my mind. Lets's wait.)

HER: No, you just said you wanted to go tonight. ("I know, but things change, you know that.")

ME: Holy. ****. Are you kidding me? (I repeat word for word what I'd said). How do you get from that that I want to go tonight? (Well, you wouldn't have gotten to this point.)

HER: Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. (Good point, if you know what's good for you.)

ME: Oh, so you're getting that vibe but you couldn't get what I'd actually said ten seconds ago? (Glad you refrained. That would have surely earned you a time out, maybe a permanent one.)

Dueller · 03-09-2007, 04:21 PM

Ohhhh...you mean a real cat. Sorry...for a second there I thought you were using "cat" as a euphemism for, well, ummmm...

Like "My girlfriend got into her cups last night and she was throwin' that cat all over me.."

But you meant a real cat, huh?

Sorry for the interruption, Milt...carry on

Zeke · 03-09-2007, 04:27 PM

Yeah, study a real feline. You gotta sit there stagnant for 15 seconds (which is a long time) after saying, "Comeer, kitty." If you do nothing, don't move, the cat will hesitate, then walk over. It's a PITA, no doubt, but very insightful AFA how women work. Oh, they shoot right back, but the real response is buried for a moment.

You know the old deal about if she says no, she means maybe and if she says maybe she means yes, etc. But, if she says yes, better stop and wait 15 seconds.

Dan in Pasadena · Dan in Pasadena's Garage

Without reading all three pages? I was married 3 weeks short of 20 years and it was occasionally just like you posted. I have been in a committed live-in relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years and it has NEVER been like you posted. My take from very limited experience (admittedly) "If you can't communicate with them when they're your girlfriend do you really expect it to get better? How about after 10, 20 or 30 years? Uh ,no.

The diff? My wife was a girl with 1 year experience 20 times over. My girlfriend is a woman who is interested in communicating with me, not being right. Best of luck!

Dueller · 03-09-2007, 04:31 PM

My brother's a vet and in his clinic he has a sign that reads:

"Dogs think they're human; cats think they're God."

Zeke · 03-09-2007, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dueller
My brother's a vet and in his clinic he has a sign that reads:

"Dogs think they're human; cats think they're God."

I think the first part is correct. What would the sign read if the word "cats" was replaced with "women"?

the · 03-09-2007, 04:43 PM

I had to check the urban dictionary for "grilf."

Hey, everyone's got their little fetishes, I suppose. AARP'er need lovin' too.

"1. grilf

Grandma I'd Like To F**k

I know she's your grandma, but she's a hot grilf."