inheriting a family: experiences?
 

Since the group expertise here usually outshines the stacks at Borders, I'm curious as to the experiences of people on the board who have "inherited" families (ie step kids). Ages, issues, etc.

Todd, what the heck have you been up to?

+1

Now the minivan thread makes sense...

hey, i'm a busy guy...

He is taking after Angelina.......

That's who Anna-Nicole Smith's kid's "guardian" is. It all makes sense now.

Can you pass along a few hundred grand to your Internet buddies?

Are you sleeping wth Grandmothers again?

Wait to meet the kids until things are very very serious. Children need stability. If the relationship is not serious, it is better for the children not to know you. Same goes for your son. You do not want a series of girlfriends meeting your son. You ex-wife should do the same.

you'd be better of with Tab's farting Airdales...good luck.

I "inherited" two 6 & 7 yr old step daughters when I married my wife. Their real dad who I knew from the local aviation scene died in a plane crash about one year prior. The girls were young enough to pretty much accept me as dad, but now that they are teens, I feel a just a bit tethered when it comes to decision/rule making. The fact that I am the only man in the household against three women probably equally to blame. ;) :D

Looking back, I was a bit overwhelmed at first as a 30 yr old never married bachelor, but I have no regrets 10 + yrs later.

In 1990, I inherited a 6 yr old boy, which complimented the 2 that I had (which were only occasional visitors).

The inherited one was labeled a ‘difficult’ child. He trashed a principal’s office at 7. He was thrown out of public school shortly thereafter for biting a teacher. A ‘lock down' type of school & shrinks & psychologists followed. And many, many incidents with family & friends.

He turned into the classic ‘teenager from hell’ between 13 & 19. Tossed from a high school, & arrested for drugs & stuff etc. Another school for rebellious kids & finally, a high school that he barely attended & barely passed. He cut all ties to his natural father at 15.

He got through school eventually & he went through college with a minimum of effort expended on his part in a very basic course. He could still be called a ‘difficult child’ but we all learned to cope. He is also very intelligent.

He is now 22, working diligently & he just married a great girl in China. He hasn’t left home yet & probably won’t until he imports her & they set up home together in the coming months.

It is actually a long sordid story, of course, but best not detailed here. PM me if you need more of the blow-by-blow. All in all, it tested me as a parent & as an adult & it was the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life. We never gave up on him & he is turning out OK.

Ian

My roommate is dating a woman with a 6-month-old girl. We're all in our mid-twenties, so it's always weird when I come home to find a stroller or a diaper bag lying around. "There's a baby in the apartment!!"

It's funny though. My roommate is okay with everything, and does great with the kid. It's the girlfriend that's kind of freaked out. I think she's worried about the other shoe dropping when my roommate goes crazy after realizing what he's signed on for.

I suppose it'll only get harder though. When the little girl gets older, she'll need more stability. For now, she's just happy if she's warm, clean diaper, and plenty of food.

I'd venture to say the baggage that comes along with the potential mate (children or not) could make a big difference.

A friend of mine remarried and brought his two boys into the new marriage, however, not full time. After five stressful years his new wife continues to deal with the BS brought on by my friend's former spouse. His ex was a mess before and during the divorce and his remarrying just added fuel to her vindictive nature. My friend is on the brink of divorce as a result.

My brother married a woman with teenage girls. She wanted some help in getting them under control. They were 15 and 16. They were living with their boyfriends within 6 months and he was a grandfather within a little over a year.

From middle class to trailer trash in a generation.

YMMV.

I'll offer a different perspective.

My parents split up when I was 6, and my father moved out of town so I only saw him every month or two. A couple later year my mom started dating Bill... a really nice guy, and they eventually married.

Bill walked a fine line between being a parent and being a friend to me and my two brothers. Not easy times; he had never been a parent and all of a sudden he had 3 boys. I think it was really hard on him when we were teenagers. We got into trouble and I think he felt we didn't accept him. Heck, we were teenagers; we didn't accept anyone older than 20. We were harder on our father.

Mom & Bill split when I was 18, but I feel I owe a lot to him for those 10 years. Poor guy got the worst years... missed us when we were young and cute, and missed the later years when we grew up to be pretty decent guys. He is a good man and I think he rubbed off on us. I still keep in touch with him.

Now we know what Todd is up to in Penang!

You marry the family, especially in the asian community. It can be a handful or wonderful thing. A lot depends on the Mother and how she tells the kids to act, as well as the age of the kids.

Spend time with them and feel the situation out. If it does not feel comfortable (and remember that the kids will be putting on their best faces trying to get Mom a new hubby) then some soul searching will be in order.

Marrying a woman who turns into a bat is bad enough, but if she has batlets tagging along its even worse... On the other hand if she is nice and you get along it could be the best thing that ever happened to you, well, outside of the 911 that is.

Glad you ended with these last two sentences.

I always liked dating MILF's because there was no doubt that they liked to *****;). But I don't even really want kids of my own. I sure wouldn't want someone else's.

Yep despite our differences and troubles, I like Bill a lot. He always did the very best he knew how.

I even invited him to my wedding a couple years ago. He didn't come; I think the thought of being around my mother & father was a bit much for him. In retrospect, I really should have prodded him a bit more.

Agree that its good that you are both in touch and let him know of the good influence he had on your family. Sounds like a nice guy and good that he had a good influence on your family.