What To Say and Not To Say to Women after a Hysterectomy

M.D. Holloway · 03-17-2007, 08:44 PM

As a public service, I shall share some observations and musings with any of the male sort on what to say and not to say to your spouse in the event that she has had to suffer a hysterectomy.

First off, she will not be in the mood for any sort of sexual activity:

What not to say: “Your mouth and still works don’t it? How bout a lil head?

What to say: “Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”

What not to say: “So how long till we can *****?

What to say: “Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”

Secondly, she will not be in the mood to do anything around the house including housework of any kind. In fact, she will be very sensitive concerning the cleanliness (or lack there of) of the house.

What not to say: “That short, wet thing – not you – is a mop, how bout push’n it around the kitchen. Damn floor is so sticky my socks are stick’n to it!”

What to say: “Sweetheart, I ran out of Pinesol, Windex, and Clorox Toilet scrubs so I have to go to the store to get more. Would you like me to pick something up for you while I am out?”

Thirdly, she will have limited to no patience for the kids.

What not to say: “Can ya watch these lil brats while I take the Targa out for a spin?”

What to say: “Sweetheart, I’m gonna take the kids to Putt Putt for a few hours. On our way home what would you like us to bring you for dinner?”

Remember, anything she says must, and I repeat must be answered with “Yes dear”. She will add at least 5 more minutes of yapping. Do yourself a favor and just listen and don’t say anything. When there is a pause, just say “Sorry Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”

Dueller · 03-17-2007, 08:53 PM

During the next year, while hormones are getting leveled out, it gets even worse.

Seriously...how's the patient (and patience

) holding up?

M.D. Holloway · 03-17-2007, 08:57 PM

They left the overies so hopefully she will have little hormone issues.

She has been bleeding - got cortorized on Friday and the bleeding has stopped today. She is as "grouchy as a Rattlesnake" according to our Son.

Dueller · 03-17-2007, 09:06 PM

Obviously his father's son.

Hang in there.

pwd72s · 03-17-2007, 09:24 PM

Mike, have you ever had serious abdominal surgery? I have. Had a section of colon removed back in '85 because of a burst diverticuli. Some weeks later, I went back in to get my a-hole hooked back up. Lemme tell ya, this makes you really appreciate your A-hole! But the bottom line? Abdominal surgery hurts...like a female dog it hurts. If they told me I had to do a repeat in order to live? I'd think about it...the pain is so effing intense you wish you could die and come back, somehow, when the pain ends.

Give the girl a break...she's in a LOT of pain here, and not all of it is physical. Her surgery was NOT like having your appendix out...dig?

Nostril Cheese · 03-17-2007, 09:33 PM

pwd made me think..

something not to say..

"can i do you in the butt for the meantime?"

M.D. Holloway · 03-17-2007, 10:00 PM

I know - trust me, she is being treated like the queen she is. Granted, she has been really tough on all of us but we have been considerate to her sitch.

The kids have stepped up and been great and the things not to say are what goes on in my mind and the things to say are actually things I say. Just vent'n...

M.D. Holloway · 03-17-2007, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nostril Cheese
pwd made me think..

something not to say..

"can i do you in the butt for the meantime?"

Tobra · Tobra's Garage

Abdominal surgery is no joke, hopefully she keeps the ovaries, they will chill out after a while. When someone goes mucking about in there, it angries them up for a bit(ovaries I mean).

Imagine someone squeezing your nuts by opening up your scrotum and grabbing them with a pair of pliers.

It is a big deal for a woman to have her uterus remove, sort of like if someone cut off your penis, kinda alters your self image. Depression after even a partial hysterectomy is pretty common as I understand it.

livi · 03-18-2007, 12:26 AM

Not necessarily specified as ...after a hysterectomy.
Just good, general advice.

lisa_spyder · 03-18-2007, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
They left the overies so hopefully she will have little hormone issues.

She has been bleeding - got cortorized on Friday and the bleeding has stopped today. She is as "grouchy as a Rattlesnake" according to our Son.

No wonder she's grouchy!

Mike - honestly; this is your wife and her health you're venting about...put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like it if she was venting publically about you if say, you couldn't get "it" up anymore and were accordingly grouchy?

Hopefully she'll never read this stuff - otherwise you could be in for a whole lot more "grouchy' than you ever imagined

.

Maybe vent over a few drinks with some male friends eh....

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Fight fire with fire - you can always sic her "grouchiness" on your errant daughter. . .

You gotta' think, "how can I use this to my advantage?"

M.D. Holloway · 03-18-2007, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lisa_spyder
No wonder she's grouchy!

Mike - honestly; this is your wife and her health you're venting about...put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like it if she was venting publically about you if say, you couldn't get "it" up anymore and were accordingly grouchy?

Hopefully she'll never read this stuff - otherwise you could be in for a whole lot more "grouchy' than you ever imagined .

Maybe vent over a few drinks with some male friends eh....

Actually She would be very pissed if I talked to my buds local about this. She knows a few local Pelicans but has zero interest in anything Porsche related.

As for the shoe on the other foot, she was a little tough on me when I had 3 bouts with phenmonia, she showed little compassion when I had my throat operated on (they cut out my uvula and tonsils - not a big deal but I didn't for a week), she showed absolutely zero compassion when I got snipped and when I had both eyes operated on (cutting the muscles that attach to the eyes and sewing them back on to the eye ball), she had very little patience. Infact she insisted that I drive to the Cowboys game the next day instead of forfieting the tickets.

She can be pretty hardcore when I comes to tolerating others misery. Mother Theresa she is not, Tormada (sp) more like it sometimes! But I love her and thats all that matters.

We all let our demons out somehow or they will consume us. I just happen to do it with a keyboard.

lisa_spyder · 03-18-2007, 01:23 PM

Fair enough then....I'll shut up...vent away

Aurel · Aurel's Garage

What to say to a husband whose wife just got an hysterectomy: `Look at the bright side, dude: You`re gonna build a heck of a muscular right hand and forearm`

Aurel

sammyg2 · 03-18-2007, 09:23 PM

My wife had the same thing done about 5 months ago.

While I didn't kiss her but and grovel like you did, I found that sticking my fingers in my ears and making nanananananana noises drowned out most of the *****ing and griping

Milu · 03-18-2007, 11:19 PM

Why not get a home-help in? The work will not be done to your wife's standards but listening to her complaining about that has got to be better than doing it yourself.

M.D. Holloway · 03-19-2007, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Milu
Why not get a home-help in? The work will not be done to your wife's standards but listening to her complaining about that has got to be better than doing it yourself.

Last time we had someone come in to clean, a the glass on the 100+ year old Queen Ann Clock on our mantel was broke, the floor boards sustained various vacuum cleaner dings and She was very dissapointed with the way the baths turned out. Needless to say, unless her Mom or Me (then again she isn't happy with my pace!) are the outside help she just as well not have it dne at all.

One thing is interesting, she is quickly becoming a master at the passive aggresive techiques though. Fortunitly, the best defense against such a ploy is to just stare at her for a few seconds respond with 'Oh, OK Sweetheart. Is there anything I can get you?" all the while thinking about resting a sofa in a beautiful field of Blue Bonnets and Daisies, both Our little ones on each arm nestled, puffy white clouds in the sky, the huanting tunes of Roxy Music floating through the air...

'I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they´re blowing
As free as the wind
And hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing...'

Then the dream ends with
GET THAT SILLY GRIN OFF YOUR FACE! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU! ARE YOU INSANE! I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED BOBBY SMITHERS!!!

asphaltgambler · 03-19-2007, 08:08 AM

Sooooooooooooo.................................... .........did they take everything out and just left the box that it came in?

genrex · 03-19-2007, 10:14 AM

My wife was like that.

My helpful sister gave me a bottle of herbal extract from a health-food store. She said whenever things got too stressful, I should take one teaspoonful, and it would make me feel happy and stoned. She said the bottle would last me two weeks. She must've miscalculated; it was empty within 24 hours.