If someone found out your kid was using drugs would want to know?
 

Sort of a hypothetical question, sort of not. I bought a pick up from a woman. It was her 18 year old son's truck. She kept telling me, "He's such a good kid."

I start to clean it up to get it ready to sell and find pot residue in the console. Really none of my business, but if my daughter was smoking pot at 18 I sure would hope someone would tell me.

In general, I certainly would. In the case of this woman, my gut feeling is she already knows.

You should tell his Mom and call the cops! What are you NARC? He's probably a great kid and who knows the mother might smoke as well.

FYI at 18 your daughter will be smoking and drinking, and if she is not she is being deprived of being a normal teenager.

I didn't drink and smoke at 18.

The kid that works for me right now is 19 and has never drank, smoked, or touched any drugs. He wants to be a CIA or FBI agent when he is done with his college.

My wife never drank smoked or did drugs when she was a teen and only drank after she was 21.

The normal teens I know live good clean lives. I will make sure my kids hang around others with like morals to live lives like those I know did.

To answer the original question. No its not your duty to tell a total strager you think their kid is on drugs. Let it go and move one.

My question was would you want to know if it were your kid. I have no intention of spreading an unsubstantiated rumor. It's an assumption that it's pot and an assumption that it belongs to the kid.

Re: If someone found out your kid was using drugs would want to know?
 

Yeah, I'd want to know.

Maybe not your implication, but I don't think smoking pot @ 18 and being a "good kid" are necessarily mutually exclusive.

I started drinking PBR at 16 (trips to the lake) and had tried a joint or three by age 17. Every kid that I knew did for the most part. Was just at my 35th HS reunion and out of 500 classmates less than 15 are dead, none of the from drugs.

My God guys, its not like you found a needle or the like in the truck. Please tell me just how different pot is from the beer or whiskey most of us drink or margarita I had with dinner tonight?

Am I endorsing it? No, but is this 1984? Was the kid seen doing anything ? How can anyone prove that it was his and that he was doing it?

If its anything but someone personally seeing the kid doing drugs I would drop it. Otherwise what the Mother might throw back at you might be a lot worse.

Joe

Oh BTW, how does someone know what pot residue is like? Read about it on the internet?

Nope. Two older brothers who revealed that addictive behavior runs in our family. One is dead. The other has been given 6 months max to live. Together, they destroyed our family as I knew it, starting when I was around seven years old.

I guess times have changed. I am in high school and most kids have done weed, and lots started in middle school. Experimenting with drugs is just a thing lots of teenagers do, which doesnt make it right, but it is just a fact.

Re: Re: If someone found out your kid was using drugs would want to know?
 

+1

I think it's up to you, Lee. Personally, I think she should be psyched you didn't find a bag of meth.

Mother is convinced son is a good kid that doesn't lie ....

pot was already in console before son owned car

pot not his, but must of been left by acquaintance

not pot, but oregano

must be dads stash


If the son is doing drugs and the mother isn't imbibing herself, she probably is already aware.

Whatever, man.

Would I want to know? Yes. I would prefer if he/she told me.

Many years ago, I had the unpleasant task of telling a woman why her son had been fired from work. I phrased it as delicately as I could, "He had posession of non-prescription drugs at work."
She said she suspected as much and thanked me for the truth.
Les

I would want to know. I do think, though, that if you say something you should be very specific about what you found and why. I would not say "I found some of your son's weed in the car.", I would say "I found some substance that looked an awful lot like marijuana in the glovebox. I have no clue how it got there, but I thought you might like to know."

Only if he was getting into my stash

Sorry, this point of view is ignorant. The "they're going to do illegal things anyway so it is normal" approach says a lot about the things that are wrong today....and I'm a LEFTY! Geez, I can only imagine what Joe and Len will say in response to that!

I was in high school from '68 to '72, the very height of the drug era and I never used grass; still haven't. At this point it is almost badge of honor with me. Have my now-24 and 26 year old kids used it? Probably. But if someone knew the info the original poster knew, I'd want to know.

dont EVER TELL ME POT DOESNT LEAD TO HEROIN!

my 21 yr old is sitting in maricopa county jail as i write, and will be in jail for quite some time due to probation violation. got involved once/cleaned up/POS friend came back from rehab, got him strung out. his truck blew up/lost job/got caught while on probation w/(2) stolen shotguns, on video pawning them, all in a matter of about 3 weeks. mom in total denial.

and how do you think he was caught?????



******* ME!

walk in my shoes after ex goes off deepend w/prozac/booze/pot valium etc.( 9 yrs ago nasty divorce) and then have to turn your son into the cops!

heres the "end" chapter, to drug/booze abuse period!

1) rehab

2) prison

3) DEATH!

the rehab didnt work despite his friend overdosing and dying, so i was faced with DEATH or prison!

what a ******* choice!


this isnt smoking a lousy joint and plowing some beers at some boondocker like all of us did at one time or another.

figured my older one would have wised up after seeing the trainwreck of his mother and his friend overdosing!

thank god for drumsets, without mine i probably would have gone on a heroin dealer killing spree!

and believe me i have the weapons.........and i can shoot real well out to 1200yds!

being a parent sucks sometimes. doing whats RIGHT, is sometimes the MOST DIFFICULT THING YOU WILL EVER DO!

hes clean now, and hes alive...........thats all that counts!

FUN STUFF TURNING YOUR OWN KID IN!

I am very very glad that charleskeiffner has a set of drums.

Charles:

Excellent post and I have to agree. I have a friend whose brother sounds a lot like what you describe. Tough love was and is the answer. The guy is cooling his heels in Pima County prison and no one in the family, including his widowed mother will defend his actions. It took a while for the family to acept the fact that, no matter how much they "helped" him, they were only enabling.

I respect you for your action. It is difficult to do something like you had to do, but watching someone selfdestruct is only postponing the inevitable.

Chuck - had to be a tough choice. I knew you were going through some stuff, but didn't know it was this heavy.

When my parents quit helping my brothers they improved a bit, but never really got better. My brother who's closest to me in age is in end-stage liver disease from Hepatitis C. He's going down hill fast. I always wonder if there's anything my parents could have done to straighten out my brothers. It was tough to watch as a kid, but it kept me from going down the same path.

heres the thing about substance abuse.............its a choice....period. yes i want to do it..........no i dont want to do it!

older son made bad choices. ex made bad choices.

booze/illegal drugs/prescribed drugs you will hear the same bull**** lines from them when their world is simultaneously implodeing/exploding.

"its all your fault"

"you never did anything for me"

"you were a POS dad/husband"

" im an adult and i know what im doing"

i'll drink whenever i feel like it"

it doesnt hurt you"

my fave-"its OK to drink w/prozac!???"

"its my business, not yours"

blah blah blah blah..............same old ******* crap!


having been thru it twice now, i kinda have a grip on it.

it will eat you alive if not kill you. you become codependant!!! and that really sucks big time!

ever wonder why i finished my degrees so late in life?

lets see, abnormal psych.

sociology

both the above have all sorts of answers to why people do stupid things. and hurt others in the process.

nobody can hurt me any more!

nobody can take anything away!

when your so beat up by loved ones that are ruining their lives w/drugs/booze, that you CANT EVEN FIND THE STRENGTH TO PULL THE HAMMER BACK ON YOUR .45 to end it all...............you know you have been beat up!


i used to be RICH! everydamn thing paid off house vehicles boat etc.

the ******* american dream!

BOOM! the big mushroom cloud in life........... a PROZAC/BOOZE DIVORCE!

then 8 years later another mushroom cloud........older son down the tubes for burglary/heroin/probation violation!

hell people have said "you should be on prozac"! FUCH THAT!


NOW..........despite all the crap..................IM RICHER THAN ALL OF YOU CLOWNS!

you know why?????




cuz i have my sanity back!

i have an incredible girlfriend that went thru the meth crap w/her brother and knows the whole drill and what it does to so many!

i have NO DYSFUNCTION in my life!

my younger son is back living w/me despite pyscho ex playing the "carrott game" with him, all these years. and i had joint custody. he even remarked "everything you said about mom was true the last 9 years!"

best $2000 bucks i ever spent on pyschological counseling was on my drum set! 100's of dollars of sticks and heads broken during all this crap in my life. surprised as hell that i didnt fall into the bottle and never come up for air!

when your in a 60 degree living room and dripping sweat, head to toe covered in sweat like a 122 degree day, i guess you can say your having a workout! do that 5-6-7 nights a week!

i am happier now than i have EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE! and i have broken the fun barrier quite a few times in 49 years and lived to tell about it. wasnt a saint but i never stuck a needle in my arm. probably worst thing i did when i was younger was ditched a cop on my dirt bike. both my ex and my older son have spent more time in jail than i ever did!

but the one common denominator btwn both of them??????

they didnt listen to a loved one, that cared for them! and listening is the most important virtue you can have on this planet. and whenever someone is abusing any substance, you MAY get 3 choices..........

1) rehab(this is the best you can ask for)

2)prison(2nd best at least their clean)

3) DEATH(not acceptable)

now you know why i bought a porsche...............IT MAKES ME HAPPY!

heres being rich:

health

happiness

friends/family

everything else is material and dont mean a damn thing!

Have you seen the show Intervention on A&E? Wow! Personally, I find it hard to watch. If my daughter were older she'd be watching that every week.
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/

Charles thank you for sharing your story.


It irks me to no end when people write off pot smoking or underage drinking as being 'part of growing up'.

leeh im so sorry about your brother.

there is NOTHING your parents could have done, short of handcuffing them to your house.

every abuser wants to blame everyone else for their problems. reality is THEY are to blame. they made the choice..........PERIOD!

i have NO SYMPATHY FOR ABUSERS! NONE!

either clean up yer act or hit the bricks.

this is a defensive move. w/out that attitude along comes enabling/codependence and that crap will kill you.

junkies dont hang out at the track like us, they hang out only w/other junkies. MISERY LOVES COMPANY!

when the crap finally goes down they will blame everyone but themselves.

the most successful program ever for abusers to this day is the 12 step program. shrinks have found nothing better since it was introduced a bazzillion years ago.

once a drunk.............always a drunk.

once a junkie always a junkie.

the very second the abuser forgets that, they will be back at their old antics once again. its a super fine line btwn falling off wagon and sobriety.


we all make choices every second of the day. but some dont make wise choices. self centered is a word that comes to mind, when talking about substance abuse. abusers only think of themselves and getting high. its a pretty ugly situation for everyone involved.

in making my decision about my older son and going to the cops..........all i had to do was think of his friend DEAD in his closet w/puke all over him and a needle in his arm! parents were MEGA MEGA MEGA WEALTHY! UBER RICH! and now the kids parents are broken people for the rest of their lives. with an emptiness that noone or nothing can repair or replace, no matter how many porsches/helicopters/mansions they had.

it also came down to "could have, should have, would have" and i wasnt going to become the same broken person the other kids parents became by sitting on my ass!

im the ******* PREZ. OF "THE DO IT NOW FOUNDATION" ie. do me............and i will do you like you have never before seen in your life!


heres the statement from my older kid during last phone call when i told him i knew he was using again. " you were a POS dad", "you never did anything for me"! and with that beautiful statement.................i said to myself...."watch me now mutha fucher! and w/that i called the cops and went down to cop shop and spilled my guts!

maybe with luck someday he will thank me for what i did for him???

and the dirt bikes/and the totally restored 86 stepside 4x4 truck he crashed 3 times and then rolled into a beer can. and all the court dates i went to. and all the probation hearings i went to, all the piss tests i had to drive him to. the jobs i got for him.

yeah i guess i never did do anything for him.

well NOW I DID SOMETHING FOR HIM!

DYING AINT NO WAY OF LIVING!

yeah it was a hard call, yeah i beat the hell outta my drums mercifully, yeah i cried, yeah i prayed, yeah i went days/weeks w/out sleep. yeah i was happy as hell when cops finally caught him. yeah i spent a wad of money at patricks on my car. why do you think i took it to california mtr. speedway. driving there one way 367 miles. running it on track (5) times, in 3 days, and then driving 367 miles back by myself????

so i could clear my head of this crap!

my son got in with the wrong crowd.........period. he had curfews, he had to have job. he had to go to school. he had to do his chores. all the "normal" things to build responsibility and character. he chose the wrong friends and look where it got him!

when faced w/this.............you either do something to change it or let it run over you, like a burlington/northern santa fe freight train!

If I had not been caught by my parents I would not be where I am today...their toughness and irresolute stance against pot made all the difference. I've been able to carve out a nice life because they were parents first.

Back to the original question: I'd like to know what you found, what you think, but I'll work it from there.

Mom has to know, or doesn't want to. If you have a teenage driver on your insurance & your not searching their car on the sly every couple of weeks, your asking for big trouble.

I found some bud on my 17 year old daughter's floor boards & pretty much revoked her driving privileges. Fact is, no matter what you do, if a kid wants to be a pothead, they'll be one. God knows I tried everything in my power to keep my daughter away from it. I hope private school works better for my son.

I think it's a myth that "all kids smoke/try pot."

Or even that most do. I believe most don't.

I would want to know if Our Kids were hold'n, use'n or deal'n - hopefully the source was reliable and trustworthy and they told my Wife and I in confidence.

As for me telling someone else - depends on my relationship with them.