Who's sisters are they?

[sjf911]

My religiously challenged mind is struggling with this, so I want to get this right. If I strap on a bunch of explosives and go out and kill myself and a bunch of infidels in the name of Allah, I will be rewarded in heaven with 70 virgins for eternity. Sounds pretty good to a middle-aged guy looking at post-menopausal sex for the rest of his life. I have a few questions before I commit.

1. Who's sisters are they (or daughters for that matter)?
I certainly don't like the idea of my sister or daughter spending the rest of eternity with some hairy, smelly, un-educated, sand dweller with poor dentition.

2. Why do you need virgins if your pecker is in a million pieces scattered on the sand (your body as well)? I thought only your spirit went to heaven.

3. Does that mean that the women who have martyred themselves in the same way get female virgins as well? Isn't homosexuality a mortal sin in Islam?

4. Who gets to decide what defines infidels? I realize that any non-Muslim is an "Infidel", but they are killing more Muslims than non Muslims. I also realize that the Old Testament definition of murder was killing any Jewish person. The killing of a slave or anyone of non-Jewish faith was not considered murder. I assume this is the case for Islam.

[rcm]

Tough to get down with any virgins when you just blew your own tool off!!?

[M.D. Holloway]

Who says they are women? Maybe they are young virgin Camels???

[scottmandue]

Crap... Mike beat me to it!

[kang]

9/11 Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell

"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"

[BeyGon]

I read somewhere, who knows where, that the reason why you don't see more women as suicide bombers is their reward in heaven is to be reunited with their husband. He really doesn't need her or want her because he already has all the virgins.

[arcsine]

Wouldn't you want 70 MILF's or bored housewives?
Vigin's have no experience.

[BeyGon]

Originally posted by arcsine
Wouldn't you want 70 MILF's or bored housewives?
Vigin's have no experience.

That way they feel more manley, they can teach the virgins what they learned from the sheep.

[widebody911]

Originally posted by arcsine
Wouldn't you want 70 MILF's or bored housewives?
Vigin's have no experience.

+1

Having fairly recent experience with a Muslim virgin girl, I pity the poor sod who has to face 72 of them...

[djmcmath]

On the off-chance anyone is interested in some facts:
1 - The Koran never gives a specific number, so if you ask an actual Muslim if the Koran promises 72 virgins, they'll laugh and say no. It does, however, promise that you'll have female accompaniment. (Quran 37:40 applies) (72 comes from Sunan al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2562, though it isn't considered "authoritative" by many.)
2 - The first verse (written chronologically, as it were) was written to encourage the early raiders. Then later raiding teams complained: "When I get there, Achmed will have taken them all, because he gets around faster than a horse! I'm not raiding anymore!" So Muhammed went back to Allah and obtained further guidance -- the women will remain virginal, so that no matter how many times they're "used," they will always be "fresh." Great deal, problem solved. Additionally, Muhammed faced the leadership issue that some of his troops weren't (ahem) interested in young women, not that there's anything wrong with that, so he obtained the guidance in 52:24, 56:17, and 76:19 to pacify them.
3 - There are relatively few women bombers because Muslims discourage women from participating in this nonsense; not entirely certain why. If it's good enough for the kids ...
4 - To a Muslim, Muslims who believe something different enough aren't Muslims. The division between Sunni and Shiite is a question of who succeeded Muhammed as Prophet, and that's a pretty serious question. It'd be like if Christians were debating about whether or not Paul was an apostle -- that'd throw most of the NT into doubt. Same with this "debate," except they set an early example of killing one another over the issue, and have never really broken that ancient tradition.
5 - While some Muslims certainly interpret the Koran to mean that non-Muslims are (essentially) not human, and that the laws do not apply to them, in all of my years of Christian and Jewish teaching, I have never heard anyone seriously put forth the idea that the Ten Commandments only applied to Jewish people, in that it was "ok" to murder non-Jews.

Sorry, that's way too serious for this thread. Resume previous humorous postings ignoring my attempt at enlightening some of this discussion with facts. My bad.....

[scottmandue]

Okay... carrying on...

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
Who says they are women? Maybe they are young virgin Camels???

I have heard once you have had camel you never go back... so I have been told.

[arcsine]

not that there is anything wrong with ................ wait a minute

[BeyGon]

I once read in Playboy, yes I read the articles, the Ayatollah determined that sex with sheep was OK, just don't make one a favorite.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by widebody911
+1

Having fairly recent experience with a Muslim virgin girl, I pity the poor sod who has to face 72 of them...

Having lived in Saudi Arabia I have it on good authority that they ran out of Muslim virgins years ago.

Now they are providing good Jewish girls for these martyrs. Hope they enjoy their time there...

[speeder]

Originally posted by BeyGon
I once read in Playboy, yes I read the articles, the Ayatollah determined that sex with sheep was OK, just don't make one a favorite.

That's a classic Iowa joke:


Guy is drunk and pulls over to boink a sheep in the middle of the night when he hears a booming voice:

"I wouldn't do that if I was you."

"Why not?"

"That's big Jim's girl..."

[cstreit]

Originally posted by arcsine
Wouldn't you want 70 MILF's or bored housewives?
Vigin's have no experience.

True, but never substitute experience for enthusiasm!

[kang]

Originally posted by Joeaksa
Having lived in Saudi Arabia I have it on good authority that they ran out of Muslim virgins years ago.

Maybe, but they are making new ones as we speak:

Muslim women regain "virginity" in clinics

[BeyGon]

Originally posted by kang
Maybe, but they are making new ones as we speak:

Muslim women regain "virginity" in clinics

That's cool, now they can "fake" their FIRST orgasam

[Hugh R]

OBL died and found himself at the pearly gates with Allah, then George Washington came over and poked him in the eye. Soon after Thomas Jefferson came over and busted his knee caps with a board. Later Alexander Hamiltion came over and cracked him on the head with a piece of pipe. OBL looks over at Allah and says WTF? Allah says I said when you died you would be met by 72 Virginians, what did you think I said?

[scottmandue]

Originally posted by BeyGon
I once read in Playboy, yes I read the articles, the Ayatollah determined that sex with sheep was OK, just don't make one a favorite.

Sheep and camels fine... but those people doing llamas... now thats just sick.