Underage drinking....How do you handle it with your teens?

[Dueller]

In our community underage drinking is rampant. What suprises me is that many parents tolerate it and even allow their kids (15, 16, 17 y.o.'s) to drink in front of them...the rationale being they'd rather have them drinkink at home as opposed to being out and about. While I understand their reasoning its a total bullchit copout if you ask me.

In turn, many kids get the self-serving perception that it must be OK if so and so's parents allow it.

Under our state law 18 and older can drink privately and publicly if they're in the presence of a parent or guardian. We have let our 18 y.o. make this choice but as of now he's not the least bit interested. On the other hand I'm dealing with twin 16 y.o. daughters whose friends are all drinking and fail to see any problem with it.

So how do you other parents deal with it?

[Seahawk]

Underage drinking is at the top of my "Dad's Biggest Fear" list, mainly because I did so much of it.

The best tool is awareness and action...I have been quietly working my two about the risk. The nub is that my parents did the same but were less active...I will be a lot more proactive than my parents.

Involvement is worth the risk. I look back and cringe.

[Rick Lee]

I can't imaging having to deal with this as a parent. I didn't really get into drinking until I went to be an exchange student in Germany when I was 16. But I didn't need or have a car there, so it was no problem. Once I got back here, I had turned 17 and got my license the first Monday I was back in the US. I never drank and drove in those days, but I'm sure my folks worried about it. The drinking age in the US is a joke and encourages abuse. That's one of the few things Europe does a lot better than we do - drink first, then learn how to drive CORRECTLY, then get a license.

[the]

I think you both have it right.

Letting underage kids drink - that's an outrageous copout.

Involvement, awareness and action, that's what gets it done. I never understand when i hear these stories about alcoholic teens and the parents that claim to not have known. Can these parents not see/smell/observe at all? Or do they not bother to do so. It'd be very hard for a kid to come home at 11 at night after doing any significant drinking, and get that by any parent who isn't totally clueless.

[masraum]

lock her in her room until she's 25, then throw her out and change the locks. It doesn't matter what else you do. You'll end up gray, tired, and a nervous wreck.

[azasadny]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Seahawk
Underage drinking is at the top of my "Dad's Biggest Fear" list, mainly because I did so much of it.

The best tool is awareness and action...I have been quietly working my two about the risk. The nub is that my parents did the same but were less active...I will be a lot more proactive than my parents.

Involvement is worth the risk. I look back and cringe. [/QUOTE
+1 here!

[Tim Hancock]

Neither of my teen daughters drink, but I feel the laws are just getting ridiculous. The law was 18 for beer when I was a teen and is now 21. The the BAC has been lowered also in our state. I do not drink much, but the whole MADD thing has started to turn society against all drinking much the way smokers are now nearly viewed as criminals.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for punishing those who hurt others by driving while stone drunk.

[72doug2,2S]

As long as these are your kids only and you are not an alcoholic, I think it is entirely good to have a beer or a glass of wine with your family at dinner. It teaches kids about drinking responsibly.

IMO this is a great teaching moment. You can single handily make drinking uncool and at the same time teach moderation and responsibility to your underage teenagers.

Do not do this with their friends, you will have a legal problem and those kids aren't your responsibility.

[stomachmonkey]

As a kid in Germany I drank non-alcholic beer regularly with dinner.

Around 12-13 I was allowed one glass of real beer.

When I was here in the states as a teen I never understood the fascination with scoring beer or drinking. It was never taboo for me.

Think I might do the same with my kids. Or maybe not, still have 5-6 years to worry about it.

[}{arlequin]

if you keep the booze away from them then we can all pull up LOTS of youtube videos of drunken teens b/c once they go away to school IT WILL HAPPEN. you want them to learn/experiment then??

i'd rather have them start w/ wine at dinnertime and let them see for themselves what a buzz feels like. if they like it, then they like it. so what? they're gonna like it later on too. but at least under your supervision they can learn how much is enough for them to get that way.

i'm certain many alcohol poisonings, binges, er visits, and even deaths can be avoided w/ supervised exposure.

it's not like it's crack and there is a good chance they'll never touch it. they WILL drink. how and when they learn what's it all about is up to the parents.

if all you do is avoid it, it's no wonder they behave like a dog that just broke off its leash when they become freshmen...

edit: +1 what s-monkey said about taking away the taboo 'big deal' aspect of it.

[Stuart993]

Originally posted by Seahawk
Underage drinking is at the top of my "Dad's Biggest Fear" list, mainly because I did so much of it.

The best tool is awareness and action...I have been quietly working my two about the risk. The nub is that my parents did the same but were less active...I will be a lot more proactive than my parents.

Involvement is worth the risk. I look back and cringe.

Exactly right. Awareness and action is the way to go.
It was also on my 'Dads Greatest Fears' list, but even so things do go awry, we had 1 close call but happily he's a sensible boy and learned after his 1 and only lesson.

[masraum]

Originally posted by Tim Hancock
Don't get me wrong, I am all for punishing those who hurt others by driving while stone drunk.

So as long as they are just a little buzzed it's no big deal?

I think that's the problem. It doesn't take much alcohol to impair your ability to function at 100%. When driving a car you need to be at 100% (most folks should probably be at 120%). Consequently, it only makes sense that you shouldn't drink and drive.

I don't see how anyone rational and intelligent can conclude otherwise.

I also think this needs to get strict because drunk driving and the results of it are rampant. I don't have any personal experience with loss due to drunk driving other than having driven when I shouldn't a few times when I was younger and being lucky to have not gotten caught.

[Schrup]

I always tried to know where my daughter was & talked to parents if she was staying overnight. If she came home drunk (only happened once) she got grounded for 2 weeks. I talked to her often concerning the perils of drugs & alcohol. I ask her to call me before ever accepting a ride from a person that had been drinking. I said I would come get her, no questions asked (yeah right). After she started driving, I let her know that if I caught her driving impaired, she wouldn't be driving any longer.

She came over for dinner last Father's Day & we had a long talk about all the stuff she did while she was living with me. She's 19 years old now. She told me that all the stuff I was suspicious of, I was right. She told me about spending the night at friends & the parents allowing them to drink, after I had spoke with them. She had a relative (on her mom's side) that she would go to & bong out all night. I got to hear about her near DWIs & the real story about how she trashed the car I gave her for her 16th birthday.

It was a revealing evening, but the bottom line is, I did the best I could & put the fear of my wrath in her. You can't stop a kid from drinking if they're hell bent on doing it, but you can inform them, love them, & lower the boom if they do.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by masraum
So as long as they are just a little buzzed it's no big deal?

I think that's the problem. It doesn't take much alcohol to impair your ability to function at 100%. When driving a car you need to be at 100% (most folks should probably be at 120%). Consequently, it only makes sense that you shouldn't drink and drive.

I don't see how anyone rational and intelligent can conclude otherwise.

I also think this needs to get strict because drunk driving and the results of it are rampant. I don't have any personal experience with loss due to drunk driving other than having driven when I shouldn't a few times when I was younger and being lucky to have not gotten caught.

When I was a kid, it was still legal to drive in TX with a beer in your hand. When I moved to NJ, every single family in our neighborhood was a recent transplant from TX and a lot of them drove with a drink in their hands in NJ. I don't see a problem with having a beer while you drive, as long as you're not drunk. I see legal and deadly stuff every day behind the wheel, mostly cell phone chatters and women putting on make up. I've even seen a guy eating a bowl of cereal while driving a pick up truck. I fear this stuff far more than someone who has a beer or two in them. Yet, that stuff is totally legal.

[Tim Hancock]

.08 is Ohio's limit now (it used to be .1) . I do not think it should be illegal to have one drink at a bar on an empty stomach and not be able to drive home.

I might be sometimes considered irrational, but I do not consider myself stupid. Just for the record I also hate smoking laws (I do not smoke), mandatory seatbelt and helmet laws (I wear my seat belts and helmets), car seat laws, 21 yr old vs 18 year old drinking laws etc etc.

[the]

Originally posted by masraum
So as long as they are just a little buzzed it's no big deal?

I think that's the problem. It doesn't take much alcohol to impair your ability to function at 100%. When driving a car you need to be at 100% (most folks should probably be at 120%). Consequently, it only makes sense that you shouldn't drink and drive.

I don't see how anyone rational and intelligent can conclude otherwise.

Of course if one is just a "little buzzed" it's no big deal. "Little buzzed" being defined as being below the state limit, which is always very low.

Lots of things impair your ability to function at 100%, but we do it all the time. If we didn't drive while at less than 100%, well. . . at least we'd solve our traffic problems.

Talking on the phone or even to a passsenger impairs your ability to drive at 100%. So does driving after only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before. Or driving while upset about something. All of that is much worse/more impaired than a guy driving an hour after he had a beer with dinner.

[svandamme]

teach them about hangovers

* sure you can have a drink! i'll show you a couple of awesome drinks! gotta learn with the proper stuff, none of that cheap crap

then present them with some red wine, followed by some coctails ( caipirinha's are excellent for this purpose ), and to top it of Duvel or 2 , all this , preferably on an empty stomach..

guaranteed monster hangover the morning after
then it's just a matter of , vacuum cleaning, drilling holes in things, blender in full effect , loud music, the works

make sure there is no aspirine or whatever in the house
no energy drinks, or other hangover cures

[Dueller]

Interesting (and suprising) responses.

In my situation, my 18 y.o. stepson has made the decision for himself not to drink. In fact he's made a cottage industry for himself getting paid to be the DD for his buds.

The twin 16 y.o. stepdtrs are another matter. While I'm sure they don't drink and drive, its apparent that they are using alcohol on occasion. It stems largely from their peers, almost all of whom use alcohol. And these are mostly kids from their church fer chrissakes.

Aside from the obvious problems with teen drinking, one of my bigger concerns is the fact that alcoholism/addiction runs in both of their parents' family...disconcerting if you believe the propensity for addiction/abuse has genetic roots.

While I have a number of resources to monitor their behavior, its difficult to deal with when parents of other kids allow all kids to drink in their homes, some even going so far as to cover for them. I have a real problem with that.

[Rick Lee]

FWIW, some of the wildest stuff I ever did was on a church "retreat".

[}{arlequin]

lmao stijn. i especially like the addition of noisemakers into the mix.

one particular hangover that i had will stay with me for the rest of my life. i had to endure an entire morning in a car without a/c, in front seat, while dad was driving, with the sun beating down on me through the windshield. longest 3hrs of my life

almost lost it few times on that drive... so add 'heat' and 'movement' to the list of stijn's noisemakers