Underage drinking....How do you handle it with your teens?

[Dueller]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
FWIW, some of the wildest stuff I ever did was on a church "retreat".

True dat

I lost my virginity on a baptist teen retreat

[Turbo_pro]

Although I have no suggestions about prevention, I would suggest that you offer a safe place to Sober up in the event that they find themselves unexpectedly drunk.
Even go so far as to be there for a ride, with judgment reserved for some future time.
The biggest concern for us was their safe, uncompromised return home.
I would not and did not condone their drinking but made it clear that home was the safest place on the planet if they succumbed to the temptation to over indulge. Leave the car and call, we come and get you.
This may seem like enabling but home safe was my wife and my primary concern.
I found it an excellent time to point out the evils of alcohol when holding a towel while my son drove the "Buick". Gacked, hurled you get what I mean.

[Seahawk]

Originally posted by Turbo_pro
Although I have no suggestions about prevention, I would suggest that you offer a safe place to Sober up in the event that they find themselves unexpectedly drunk.
Even go so far as to be there for a ride, with judgment reserved for some future time.
The biggest concern for us was their safe, uncompromised return home.
I would not and did not condone their drinking but made it clear that home was the safest place on the planet if they succumbed to the temptation to over indulge. Leave the car and call, we come and get you.
This may seem like enabling but home safe was my wife and my primary concern.
I found it an excellent time to point out the evils of alcohol when holding a towel while my son drove the "Buick". Gacked, hurled you get what I mean.

Very well stated...

On the prevention angle, more about pot than drinking, you should have seen the look on my daughters face when I told her I smoked pot.

Admitting I was also once a kid, and pointing out that there is NO way that I will miss the "signs" of their youth has been interesting.

[gchappel]

As others have stated before, in all likelyhood your kids are going to drink- illegal or not. What we did worked for us, my daughter graduated from college last weekend, my son 2years before. First- make sure they know that home is safe. You will come and get them, no questions asked, if they call. Anytime, anyplace. I actually never got a call from my kids- but I did have a couple of their friends call. I picked them up, called their parents and they safely sobered up at our house. We did allow drinking- the summer between highschool and college. Rules were- parents needed to know they were here- I called. Car keys were turned in, and I blocked our driveway with my car- no way out till morning. They could have a couple of beers, shoot some pool and watch the tube- no big deal. We felt we would rather them drind in a controlled environment than experiment somewhere else.
It worked for us, but each group of kids and each situation is different.
Gary

[masraum]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
I don't see a problem with having a beer while you drive,

I think the problem is that I don't know anyone that would have a drink along for a long ride that probably hadn't had 3 or 4 before the drive. Most folks that I've met don't have "just one" of anything.

Not to mention, when you start drinking and your judgement is affected you think "I'm perfectly fine to drive." Unfortunately the more you drink the more sure you are that you are fine to drive.

The average Joe doesn't have the will power, intelligence, or judgement to know when they are fine and when they are not.

Also, I suspect that a 200# guy on an empty stomach can have a beer and drive and probably not quite blow the limit. 150#, probably not, 110# girl, definitely not.

[masraum]

As far as the kids drinking thing. I think that all you can do is teach them and show them what they should do, be as diligent as possible, and hope for the best.

I have a stepson and daughter. Right now the son is 23 and the daughter is 22. The son has been a handful. He's had all sort of issues that we are in the process of putting behind us.

The daughter, I'm certain has drank and probably even tried a thing or two stronger, but doesn't like that stuff and has never been in trouble. She's ultra responsible, always works, good grades in school.

They both grew up the same place and are only about a 1/2 year different in age.

He's been expensive and difficult, she's been cheap and a dream.

Anything that doesn't kill you or them only makes you both stronger, right? That's what I keep telling myself.

[p911dad]

Underage drinking is a univeral problem. As a parent you need to be a role model and a parent, not a friend. As a role model and a parent you should not allow or encourage drinking at your table because any teen will see that as your approval for them to drink. Remember one major thing here, these are children in the eyes of the law and your peers, and you are responsible for their welfare. We have had numerous sad cases of parents getting busted for allowing drinking by teens in their homes or properties and the charge is "endangering the welfare of a child" The newspapers love the story line. Your kids have plenty of time to learn to drink or not after they are of legal age. This is not a subject to get soft on. It can have very tragic results, and just because you and I made it through late adolescence with beers in our hands doesn't mean your kids will.

[JavaBrewer]

Keeping kids away from alcohol is about as realistic as keeping them away from sex. You can do/say whatever you want but in the end most kids will try it and most will probably like it. Like Seahawk I look back at my youth and cringe - amazed I survived all those close calls...

With a 10 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter I'm on board to guide them to responsible drinking and if that fails (cause it will) that home is always safe. No questions asked.

Edit - that last paragraph is worded strangely. I meant to say I have kids and I am prepared to guide them about drinking WHEN they reach an acceptable age. 16 sounds about right to me but I won't be comfortable with them having a glass of wine at dinner till 18 or there abouts. It depends on how they mature and they are too young to tell at this point.

Oh and my daughter is not having sex until a year after I have passed on - subject to my consent of course

[Jims5543]

My 14 y/o is allowed to have a glass of wine with dinner, he rarely likes it. (good!) He does, however like beer.

My plan is much like many here. I am not going to stop him from drinking, but I can make sure he has a safe alternative to driving drunk. I will always be willing to come get him and take him home with out any penalty anytime he has done any drinking.

I started when I was 15 years old and I would be a foolish bastard if I though I was going to stop him. Of course, the drinking age was 18 then but non the less I was drinking underage.

Oh, and add another for bad influence from church people. I was being fed beers by guys older than me from my church that my parents wanted me to hang around with because they thought they would be positive influences on me.

At least they had good taste, I was introduced to beer via Moosehead and Lowenbrau.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

No matter what you do, they're going to go off to college and learn what it's about. Same with sex. No matter what you do. Accept it. Arm them with knowledge that they'll have your support and guidance whenever they need it. I guess that's all one can really do.

One of my favorite expressions is, "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement". Sometimes, you need to let people make the bad calls and suffer a bit for them (obviously having your kids die in a DUI crash or get pregnant isn't really in play as an option here, but you need to make them understand/worry about it so they get the benefit of the 'bad judgement' lessons).

[pwd72s]

To avoid this problem? Don't have kids. What? The planet doesn't have enough people? I fell in love with, then married a single mom (divorced) with one kid. She, the kid, was really cute, bright, and easy to deal with. So, I adopted her. Then puberty hit. I heard "You're not my dad!" often. My "freedom day" (apologies to Bruce Springsteen) was when she, the kid, left home. This kid is now an adult. I maintain as little contact as possible. I don't give a french kiss how much or where she drinks, or screws. I only cared before she left home, when I was legally liable to her screw ups. After then, we helped her out in order to help her avoid bankruptcy during her first divorce. Her second? She's on her own. She's an adult now, and doesn't need our advice. Or so she says....

[Turbo_pro]

Originally posted by pwd72s
To avoid this problem? Don't have kids. What? The planet doesn't have enough people? I fell in love with, then married a single mom (divorced) with one kid. She, the kid, was really cute, bright, and easy to deal with. So, I adopted her. Then puberty hit. I heard "You're not my dad!" often. My "freedom day" (apologies to Bruce Springsteen) was when she, the kid, left home. This kid is now an adult. I maintain as little contact as possible. I don't give a french kiss how much or where she drinks, or screws. I only cared before she left home, when I was legally liable to her screw ups. After then, we helped her out in order to help her avoid bankruptcy during her first divorce. Her second? She's on her own. She's an adult now, and doesn't need our advice. Or so she says....

Don't have kids!!! They are just ungrateful little bastards!!!

Easy big guy..
Therapy is quite often helpful in resolving anger issues resulting from rejection and feelings of inadequacy.
Good luck in dealing with it.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by Turbo_pro
Don't have kids!!! They are just ungrateful little bastards!!!

Easy big guy..
Therapy is quite often helpful in resolving anger issues resulting from rejection and feelings of inadequacy.
Good luck in dealing with it.

I don't particularly want kids either and I'm only angry during my morning commute to work. WAY, way too many people have kids who should not have them. Not saying anyone on this thread is an unfit parent. But you should really want kids for your own reasons and not because your folks want grandkids or because you think it's expected.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

The only good reason I can think of to have kids is to (hopefully) offset the hellspawn that's being created by the lowest dregs of society. If we do nothing, we relegate our future to the offspring of illegal aliens, trailer trash and ghetto rats, since they seem to be the only ones breeding.

Another potential upside is that our society continues to "reverse-evolve" in this manner, it takes comparatively less effort to look like a genius or to be an exceptional person. . .

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by Porsche-O-Phile
The only good reason I can think of to have kids is to (hopefully) offset the hellspawn that's being created by the lowest dregs of society. If we do nothing, we relegate our future to the offspring of illegal aliens, trailer trash and ghetto rats, since they seem to be the only ones breeding.

Another potential upside is that our society continues to "reverse-evolve" in this manner, it takes comparatively less effort to look like a genius or to be an exceptional person. . .

Really, really bad reason.

[masraum]

Originally posted by Porsche-O-Phile
The only good reason I can think of to have kids is to (hopefully) offset the hellspawn that's being created by the lowest dregs of society. If we do nothing, we relegate our future to the offspring of illegal aliens, trailer trash and ghetto rats, since they seem to be the only ones breeding.

Another potential upside is that our society continues to "reverse-evolve" in this manner, it takes comparatively less effort to look like a genius or to be an exceptional person. . .

You need to see the movie "Idiocracy"

Joe Bauers, an Army librarian, is judged to be absolutely average in every regard, has no relatives, has no future, so he's chosen to be one of the two test subjects in a top-secret hibernation program. He and hooker Rita were to awaken in one year, but things go wrong and they wake up instead in 2505. By this time, stupid people have outbred intelligent people; the world is (barely) run by morons--and Joe and Rita are the smartest people in America

[pwd72s]

Originally posted by Turbo_pro
Don't have kids!!! They are just ungrateful little bastards!!!

Easy big guy..
Therapy is quite often helpful in resolving anger issues resulting from rejection and feelings of inadequacy.
Good luck in dealing with it.

I'm dealing with things just fine these days, Jim. It was when she was a teenager that I could have used the therapy. Today? She's a 37 year old twice married RN...able to take care of herself. So, I guess Cindy & I did something right. I figure any parent whose kid(s) stay out of jail and hold down legit jobs did okay.

[Turbo_pro]

It is human nature ( in fact the nature of all living things) to reproduce and ego that causes us to want to produce "mini me".
If you learn the words to use when your wife says "I want a baby" and your reply is "no!", write a book and let the rest of us know.
My guess is your book will include subjects like The joys of sleeping alone, custody, alimony and community property.

[Turbo_pro]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
I don't particularly want kids either and I'm only angry during my morning commute to work. WAY, way too many people have kids who should not have them. Not saying anyone on this thread is an unfit parent. But you should really want kids for your own reasons and not because your folks want grandkids or because you think it's expected.

It is human nature ( in fact the nature of all living things) to reproduce and ego that causes us to want to produce "mini me".
If you learn the words to use when your wife says "I want a baby" and your reply is "no!", write a book and let the rest of us know.
My guess is your book will include chapters like The joys of sleeping alone, Custody, Alimony and Community property.

[72doug2,2S]

Originally posted by Porsche-O-Phile
No matter what you do, they're going to go off to college and learn what it's about. Same with sex. No matter what you do. Accept it. Arm them with knowledge that they'll have your support and guidance whenever they need it. I guess that's all one can really do.

One of my favorite expressions is, "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement". Sometimes, you need to let people make the bad calls and suffer a bit for them (obviously having your kids die in a DUI crash or get pregnant isn't really in play as an option here, but you need to make them understand/worry about it so they get the benefit of the 'bad judgement' lessons).

One thought on the drinking in relation to sex comment. Responsible drinking is not getting drunk, Responsible dating is not having sex.

I don't care what you say, that's the rule in my house.