Rules for raising our kids

stomachmonkey · 07-05-2007, 04:32 PM

Kids don't get to be kids anymore.

Out at dinner tonight with the kids. Wife is thinking they are not behaving.

I said, "Hey, as long as their actions don't result in having to deal with the police, fire department, ambulences or lawyers then they are fine. Let them be kids already"

Yes?

No?

ZOO · 07-05-2007, 04:34 PM

No.

Your wife is correct -- they will only learn good manners and responsible citizenship if you and your family take the time to teach them.

lendaddy · 07-05-2007, 04:35 PM

No, I draw the line at my children having a negative affect on someone else's evening.

the · 07-05-2007, 04:45 PM

You kids can act like idiots and ruin other people's dinner with behavior that falls way, way short of requiring "police, fire department, ambulences or lawyers."

You really think you are applying the correct standard for your childrens' behavior???

Rot 911 · 07-05-2007, 04:46 PM

I'm in the no camp. If they are old enough to go out to dinner they are old enough to learn manners.

Tobra · Tobra's Garage

A gentleman or lady puts people at ease, not on edge. If you do not wish for your children to be part of the problem when they become adults, please teach them how to act.

They want you to teach them how to act. It is your responsibility as a parent.

I agree that kids should be kids. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. When I was a lad, daylight hours June to August I was at the river fishing, or running around on my bike, totally incommunicado with the folks. Now, I would be afraid to let a 10 or 12 yo child run around like that.

Zef · Zef's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by ZOOMiata
No.

Your wife is correct -- they will only learn good manners and responsible citizenship if you and your family take the time to teach them.

As parents...it's our job...!

lisa_spyder · 07-05-2007, 04:53 PM

No - even at the dinner table at home I expect good manners; otherwise how shall they learn?

I don't enjoy other people's kids ruining my evening when out - I come down pretty heavy on our kids when out too if they cross the line for noise, raucous behaviour etc. They don't have to be perfect saints, I just don't want them yelling and running around...pet hate of mine is kids who are allowed to get up and wander off, then return to the table for a couple of bites to eat and then run off again

. And this thing called cutlery! Mine risk getting tapped (hard) if they don't use their cutlery correctly.

Funny, as our kids are usually less tolerant of other kids' bad behaviour in public than we are! Sometimes it's the pot calling the kettle black though and then Mummy turns ugly

.

MORE than happy for kids to be kids in the right environment - in fact I encourage it (and join in!). That's what going to the park, playing in the backyard or rumpus room is for...although kicking the football inside is still a no-no!

gchappel · 07-05-2007, 05:00 PM

It depends on where you were.
If you are at a childrens restaurant- like Chucky Cheese- then some noise is ok.
If you are at any restaurant that adults might be trying to enjoy dinner- then PLEASE control your kids. If you can't or will not control them- then don't take them out to eat. Teach them manners at home, a decent restaurant is not the place for lessons. Of coarse I don't like adults misbehaving either.
If you can't control them now- you are in for big troubles later.
Mine are grown now, but they learned quiet manners early.
Gary

Tobra · Tobra's Garage

When we were small, the folks would take us out to eat one at a time, get a sitter for the other three so they could do 2 on 1 parenting at the restaurant. How to act, how to order, what fork to use

I remember very clearly their taking me to The Ram on Watt Ave near Fair Oaks Blvd when I was about 6 or 8. One of maybe half dozen really nice places in Sacramento at the time.

The guy who owned that place is now a patient of mine.

When I was about 12, we went to the movies and misbehaved, made too much noise. Mom marched us out of the theater and told us she would never take us to a movie again. She was not kidding.

the · 07-05-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gchappel

If you are at a childrens restaurant- like Chucky Cheese- then some noise is ok.

Yeah, it's probably ok to let kids be kids at a restaurant whose slogan is . . . "Where a kid can be a kid!"

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Agreed. However, if I'm at a "go out" kind of restaurant or in general public places not specifically designated for such activity I'm a believer in the "kids should be seen and not heard" school of thought.

Parks, schoolyards, playgrounds, etc. are fine for kids to whoop it up. Stores, restaurants, residential communities, offices, airplanes, etc. are not.

One reason I eat dinner at my local bar a lot - no screaming brats!

stomachmonkey · 07-05-2007, 05:22 PM

They were not making noise, they were sittng in their seats, quietly. They were playing with their strays. My son was taking ice out of his glass with his fingers, quitely.

legion · 07-05-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stomachmonkey
They were not making noise, they were sittng in their seats, quietly. They were playing with their strays. My son was taking ice out of his glass with his fingers, quitely.

Yeah, I did stuff like that. (Well.....still do.)

That is fine. I'm with you on this one.

If they were "being kids" by running around the restaurant screaming, that is a different manner.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

playground - yes

dinner - no

don't care where it is...

Dan in Pasadena · Dan in Pasadena's Garage

I am ALSO in the "No" camp.

Kids needs to learn "appropriateness". Something so few learn anymore. They know legal and illegal (well, some of them) but no one tells them you sit and behave at the dinner table. You don't make noises, interrupt, etc. Another word for it is consideration. The world could do with a LOT more of that. This is why (IMHO) you have jackass teenagers in a mall situation or at the movie theater dropping F bombs around people like it is nothing, spitting on the ground, etc.

alf · 07-05-2007, 08:14 PM

Treat others as you want to be treated usually works. In public I use the lower of my wife or my threshold.

the · 07-05-2007, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stomachmonkey
They were not making noise, they were sittng in their seats, quietly. They were playing with their strays. My son was taking ice out of his glass with his fingers, quitely.

Quite a bit from anything "having to deal with the police, fire department, ambulences or lawyers."

Saying to your wife in that situation "Hey, as long as their actions don't result in having to deal with the police, fire department, ambulences or lawyers then they are fine. Let them be kids already" seems to be overly and unnecessarily antagonistic. That doesn't seem to be an invitation to a discussion, but an invitation to a fight.

Wouldn't it have been better, more accurate and more productive to say "They aren't making any noise, they aren't bothering anyone, I think they're ok."? That would at least invite a rational discussion.

(BTW, I don't think putting your hands in a glass and playing with the ice in a restaurant is "good wholesome kid's play," it's kinda gross and kinda against fairly basic public manners).

Dan in Pasadena · Dan in Pasadena's Garage

Might be hard to hear it because (perhaps) your ego got tied up in it, but "the" is right on all accounts.

Been there/done that - easy to get tangled up with your wife over kids. MUCH better to be on the same page.