How much to give at a wedding?

[gassy]

I'll be in Coronado Ca next week for a wedding--then another in Sept. I haven't been to a wedding in over 10 yrs--how much should I give the couples? I'm outta touch on this one. Thanks.

[Rick Lee]

I think the custom is to give about as much as they spend on you at the reception.

[TerryH]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
I think the custom is to give about as much as they spend on you at the reception.

That explains all those envelopes with $5 in them at my wedding.

I would imagine it matters how close you are to the couple. Family or friend? Ex spouse or girlfriend? Future girlfriend?

[Rusty Heap]

you mean "How much to spend at the bachelor party?"

[Porsche virgin]

Are you going with alone or with a guest?

Depending on how well you know the couples, I'd say between $150 and $250. Possibly the low end for the CA one, since you'll have traveling expenses.

[notfarnow]

Funny how customs differ.

You would never give cash at a wedding here. It would be very out of place. Mind you, maybe it's common in other areas in Canada.

Is that a custom accross all of the US?

[gr8fl4porsche]

I always give cash. But I am lazy and never plan ahead. I have been giving $100 per wedding lately. I think that is an appropriate amount to spend on people you usually are related to and barely know.

[widgeon13]

Actuallly attending a wedding tomorrow at Cornell University chapel in Ithaca, NY. What I believe happens today (and this is from my wife) is the bride has a list of stores and actually requests certain items from those stores and the items can have a range of price so you don't have to get the Waterford vase from Tiffany's if you want to be cheap. You can pick what you want to buy and this way they (newlyweds) don't end up with 8 sets of salt and pepper shakers like we did 37 years ago.

Signed,

Emily "Freakin" Post

[MBAtarga]

Originally posted by notfarnow


Is that a custom accross all of the US?

No. Usually the couple registers at home goods or departments stores the items they are interested in receiving as gifts.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I usually give about $100 or so. Haven't heard any complaints.

[Rick Lee]

I'm getting married in October and am requesting NO gifts and I will mean it too. I don't need anything. I can't stand the idea of registering at some store (other than online car parts or ammo suppliers) and telling people what to get me. I have all the appliances and toys you could ever want, I am killer cook with all the utensils and I just don't want anymore $hit in my house.

[Super_Dave_D]

Just bring a "from" tag with your name on it and swap one out at the gift table - no one will know

I say:
Non Family - $100
Family - all depends how close you are - from $100-$500
Give what you want and are comfortable with!

Google - Wedding Gift Etiquette (tons to read)

pulled this off a site:
There’s a rumor floating around that the cost of a wedding gift should equal the cost of the guest’s meal. This is not true. The gift giver can give whatever she chooses, no matter how much the hosts spent on dinner. Whether ten or one thousand dollars is spent on a gift, the bride and groom should accept it graciously and appreciate the thought.

[widgeon13]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
I'm getting married in October and am requesting NO gifts and I will mean it too. I don't need anything. I can't stand the idea of registering at some store (other than online car parts or ammo suppliers) and telling people what to get me. I have all the appliances and toys you could ever want, I am killer cook with all the utensils and I just don't want anymore $hit in my house.

So do you want to know where to send my invitation??

[notfarnow]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
I'm getting married in October and am requesting NO gifts and I will mean it too. I don't need anything. I can't stand the idea of registering at some store (other than online car parts or ammo suppliers) and telling people what to get me. I have all the appliances and toys you could ever want, I am killer cook with all the utensils and I just don't want anymore $hit in my house.

Rick, we did that at our wedding. It's not as easy as I thought it would be... my wife and I had to really drive the message home.

Word of advice: some people will insist on giving, so we listed a few favorite charities on the wedding invitation that they could donate to. Makes it easy for them, and saved us getting stuff we didn't want or need.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by notfarnow
Rick, we did that at our wedding. It's not as easy as I thought it would be... my wife and I had to really drive the message home.

Word of advice: some people will insist on giving, so we listed a few favorite charities on the wedding invitation that they could donate to. Makes it easy for them, and saved us getting stuff we didn't want or need.

Yeah, I figured as much. Since it's almost only family coming, I doubt they'll be hard to convince. My folks said they'd give my fiance and me $10k to do with whatever we saw fit, pay for the wedding, honeymoon, whatever. If I were a billionaire, I would not do this wedding any differently than I'm doing it. It will run us under $5k for everything and that's with about 30 guests and a ceremony in Valley of Fire State Park near Vegas. The only non-family who are coming are a few friends whose weddings I also attended. I figure they'll handle my batchelor party and we'll call it even. My grandmother will probably throw some money our way, which I won't turn down. But I really, really do not want to get handed gifts at my reception, I don't want to carry anything home or on my honeymoon with me and I will write thank you for coming notes, not thank you for your gift notes.

[kaisen]

The cost of the average wedding is near $30,000.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by kaisen
The cost of the average wedding is near $30,000.

I think that's the low end. I've seen that spent on flowers. I've been to a few $100k ones too.

Just the other night I was looking online for some wedding invitations to make up or order. I found some cool ones that looked like playing cards and figured they'd be cool for my Vegas wedding. Well, when you add the reply card, envelope and all, it came to over $600 for under 40 invitations!!!!!! Who pays these crazy prices?

So we started searching (get this) Microsoft Word's Clip Art. And ta da - they have a photo of Valley of Fire where we're getting married!!! So we're doing the invites on my computer and at Kinko's and I think we'll be out around $50 when the postage is added.

[notfarnow]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
My folks said they'd give my fiance and me $10k to do with whatever we saw fit, pay for the wedding, honeymoon, whatever.

No strings attached is very cool.

I was at my brother's wedding this past weekend and it was a bit sad to see the hoops he & his fiancee had to jump through to keep the inlaws happy. They offered to pay for a portion, but then turned into temperamental control freaks. If you get to plan the ideal wedding for YOU and YOUR FIANCEE then you are a lucky man indeed.

[Noah930]

Originally posted by widgeon13
Actuallly attending a wedding tomorrow at Cornell University chapel in Ithaca, NY.

Ah, Sage Chapel. I went to a wedding there 4 or 5 years ago.

I think the amount to give depends. Depends on how well you know the people. Depends on where you are in life/career. I don't think there's one answer that fits everyone. Because my wife and I (and a lot of our friends) are still in the getting-the-first-real-job phase of our lives, I think the $75-$150 range is roughly appropriate. From the bride and groom's perspective, I hope it's not about the monetary value of the gift, as opposed to the thought that went behind its selection (and your presence at the wedding). From a personal perspective, as impersonal as a gift certificate sounds, my wife and I thought they were perhaps the most useful ones. After all, we're still pretty transient in our lives. So it's nice to not get bogged down with "stuff," and instead have a gift that allows us flexibility to get whatever we want whenever/wherever we settle down.

And while I understand Rick's (and notfarnow's) rationales of specifically asking to NOT receive gifts, I recall some Dear Abby type column that said putting this information (or where you're registered) on an invitation is not considered proper etiquette. However, I don't know how you're supposed to disburse that information. Through parents and siblings? Have them discreetly pass it along? Hope your guests have ESP?

[notfarnow]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
So we started searching (get this) Microsoft Word's Clip Art. And ta da - they have a photo of Valley of Fire where we're getting married!!! So we're doing the invites on my computer and at Kinko's and I think we'll be out around $50 when the postage is added.

Cool, we made our invites too. I scabbed together some art deco motifs and a picture of my wife's family cottage.

Originally posted by kaisen
The cost of the average wedding is near $30,000.

I'm cool with spending 30k on a weding if it is exactly what you want and you have a great time. Sad thing is, the really expensive weddings I have been at seemed like a big hassle for all those involved. Didn't look like fun to me, and I wonder who was having a good time, other than second cousins who were getting tanked and laid.

I seriously think the whole wedding industry has become a huge racket. They are selling us something we don't even really enjoy, for frigs sake.

When I hear of people spending 20k on a wedding, I sure feel like I got off easy. My wife's family has a 100yr old waterfront summer home on 2 acres; my uncle is a caterer and we paid cost. We spend ~4k, but the venue was free and the food was at cost. We had an outdoor wedding and overnight kick n' punch. We spend our money on booze & food. Lots & lots of booze & food.