Originally Posted by cstreit (Post 2955267)

Yellow flags in NASCAR are the folding chairs of "pro" wrestling. They use them to make things more interesting for the viewers

Originally Posted by }{arlequin (Post 3443872)

"i love the iphone"
"i want the iphone"
"i got the iphone"
"iphone missing some features"
"i don't like the iphone anymore"
"i return my iphone"

Originally Posted by livi (Post 3486894)

FLUFFER sounds rewarding. What is the job description ? Any experience on board ?

Originally Posted by mikez (Post 3444525)

"never trust a fart".....

Howard Dranow....RIP

Originally Posted by john walker's workshop (Post 3477859)

bring the wife, we'll dicker!

Originally Posted by lendaddy (Post 3485621)

Him- "Well....when you told me it was Kevin I ran out in front of his car and started dirty club dancing to the music and dry humping his fender. When I didn't get the expected laughter I looked closer to see a man I do not know slowly removing his sunglasses with a blank stare of confusion on his face. I was so shocked and embarrassed that I just slinked away behind your house without saying a word"

Originally Posted by legion (Post 3487416)

My vote:

Originally Posted by sammyg2 (Post 3485780)

Yes he deserved it, but he's not a douche. He's a turd sandwich.

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile (Post 3457789)

"Cratch Slappin'" by P-O-P, (c) 2007, with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss. It's the beer's fault. . .



So I'm with my new girl and she makes this request,
One evening while I'm busy fondling her breast.
It was weird! Unexpected! It took me aback!
She says her cratch she wants me to smack!
I'm stunned at first and don't reply,
But thinking about it, I guess I should try.
After all this is something she's asked me to do,
So my plan, my good friends, I'll now share with you:



If it's something she wants and something she needs,
I'm smackin' that ***** until it bleeds.

Although this is new and a little bizarre,
I'm gonna' smack it so hard, it might leave a scar.

If I can't satisfy her, she'll call me a wimp,
So it's time to become a cratch-slappin' pimp.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack 'til tender and puffy and red,
I'll smack it whenever she takes me to bed.

I'll smack that cratch all kinds of ways,
I'll smack it on even and odd-numbered days.



She's the one who wants me to try this technique!
I should oblige! It don't mean I'm a freak!
So I'll do what she asks and extend my hand,
Line up a good shot and then let it land,
With a "slap! slap! slap!" right on that place
That's usually covered with panties and lace.
And the "slap! slap! slap!" of skin on skin
I know will bring her a satisfied grin.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it silly!
I'll smack it the way I'd smack Milli Vanilli.

I'll smack it hard, I'll smack it light,
I'll smack it as if we were having a fight.



And at the end of it all, when the slappin's all done.
I know she'll be happy and say "that was fun".
She'll say it was great, she'll say it was nice,
But her cratch will need some aloe and ice.
'cause I'll do what she wants - I ain't holding back!
That cratch is gettin' my smack! smack! smack!



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it around!
I'll smack it until I hear that "slap!" sound!

I'll smack that cratch like a good boyfriend should,
Whether using my forehand or backhand - or wood.

Originally Posted by scottmandue (Post 3444120)

Wait a minute... does the credit got to the quoter or the quotee?