Drinking stories for a Friday evening

[slodave]

Drinking stories that put yours to shame

By Ian Lendler
Mental Floss

(Mental Floss) -- Turns out, the best drinking stories in history are actually, well, historical. So raise a glass to your forefathers and marvel at these tales.
art.drinkies.jpg

She is not moving that fast. This is what the waitress would look like if you drank everything on her tray.

1. Admiral Edward Russell's 17th-Century throwdown

Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.

The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

2. The London Brew-nami of 1814
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The Industrial Revolution wasn't all steam engines and textile mills. Beer production increased exponentially, as well. Fortunately, the good people of England were up to the challenge and drained kegs as fast as they were made. Brewery owners became known as "beer barons," and they spent their newfound wealth in an age-old manner -- by trying to party more than the next guy.

Case in point: In 1814, Meux's Horse Shoe Brewery in London constructed a brewing vat that was 22 feet tall and 60 feet in diameter, with an interior big enough to seat 200 for dinner -- which is exactly how its completion was celebrated. (Why 200? Because a rival had built a vat that seated 100, of course.)

After the dinner, the vat was filled to its 4,000-barrel capacity. Pretty impressive, given the grand scale of the project, but pretty unfortunate given that they overlooked a faulty supporting hoop. Yup, the vat ruptured, causing other vats to break, and the resulting commotion was heard up to 5 miles away.

A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark beer washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by means of "drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness."

The story gets even more unbelievable, though. Rescue attempts were blocked and delayed by the thousands who flocked to the area to drink directly off the road. And when survivors were finally brought to the hospital, the other patients became convinced from the smell that the hospital was serving beer to every ward except theirs. A riot broke out, and even more people were left injured.

Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an annual memorial service and/or reenactment.

3. New York state of mind: The Dutch ingratiate themselves to the natives

In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware Indian tribe.

To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk -- literally, "The High Island."

And not "high" as in "tall;" high as in "the place where we got blotto." Most people would agree that Manhattan has stayed true to the spirit of its name ever since.

4. The worst aftertaste in history

In 1805, British Admiral Horatio Nelson was killed during the Battle of Trafalgar off the coast of Spain. Most sailors were simply put to rest at sea, but as an admiral, Nelson had to be brought back to England for an official burial.

To preserve his body during the voyage home, the second-in-command stored Nelson's body in the ship's vat of rum and halted all liquor rations to the crew. Not a bad idea, but when the ship reached port, officials went to retrieve Nelson's body and found the vat dry.

Disregarding good taste (in every sense), the crew had been secretly drinking from it the entire way home. After that, naval rum was referred to as Nelson's Blood.

5. Indian elephants raid the liquor cabinet

No wonder they don't sell beer at the circus. Apparently, elephants like to get wasted. In fact, an outpost of the Indian army in the jungle region of Bagdogra has been under attack ever since a local herd of elephants raided the base in search of food and discovered the soldiers' entire winter rations of rum.

Since then, the pachyderms have regularly raided the base for a drink and have smashed down all defenses put up by the army, including electrified fences and firewalls.

According to The Daily Telegraph, "An officer recently posted there explained that the elephants broke the rum bottles by cleverly curling their trunks around the bottom. Then they empty the contents down their throats. They soon got drunk, he said, and swayed around. They enjoy themselves and then return to the jungle."

This is by no means a singular incident, though. The animal kingdom is well-known for its ability to identify fruit that's begun to ferment. Anthropologists even believe this is how early man discovered alcohol -- by observing the strange behavior of animals on a fruit bender.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayoflife/10/26/mf.drinking.storries/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Funny stuff. I've thrown some parties, but nothing ever on this scale. I got a hangover just reading the article!

Dave

[gprsh924]

Went to NYC for a concert this summer...every restaurant served us without ID like it was their job...needless to say we were drunk most of the time we were there

The tailgate I went to two weeks ago at Indiana University had 52 cases of beer and about 45 froggy bombs (a froggy bomb is a two liter or orange or mountain dew-you pour out the top third of soda, fill it with vodka, then mix in some koolaid-pure sugar cant taste alcohol.) Nearly all of it was gone after 4 hours and less than 100 people at our tailgate section

EDIT: these stories may seem more impressive to me in my current state

[onewhippedpuppy]

Good stuff! Let's party like it's 1694!!!

[SlowToady]

Drinking stories? It's Friday, man! I'll drink, you tell stories

I should probably have some good stories by the time I wake up tomorrow. We'll see if any trashcans wanna get tough this weekend:-P

Somewhere near the start of this semester, we had a party over at a friends house. Earlier, a few of us chipped in and got one of those Breathalyzer things. Needless to say, it was all the rage that night. I started drinking at about 11:30, and by the time I left at 2:15 I blew a .27, drinking only beer. The walk home was interesting...

[slodave]

Ah yes, the Breathalyzer. When I was in college in S.L.O, one bar put one in so that the drunks (I mean patrons) would be safe and not drive home. Well, it was removed fairly quickly, as it became a game to see who could blow the highest number.

I'm surprised the DUI's didn't go up dramatically during it installment.

Dave

[slodave]

My first year of college was spent in Billing Montana. I was banned by one bar - I knew the bouncers and thought they were joking with me, when they would not let me in.

Before I was banned from this bar, we come it for happy hour and each person would order pitchers for themselves. After that, Jager was mixed in along with other hard drinks. One night, a buddy and I were getting trashed and at one point he said "I'll be back, I'm going to take a leak". He never came back. A few days later, I caught up with him and asked where he went. Turns out, he ended up leaving the bar (we were on the patio) managed to walk across the street to a vacant field (we were on the outskirts of town) and ended up passing out in the field, waking up the next morning.

Dave

[Shuie]

Originally Posted by slodave

A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark beer washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by means of "drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness."

Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an annual memorial service and/or reenactment.

Rubbish! This incident has been reenacted in the parking lot of every LSU home game I've ever attended

[Hugh R]

Originally Posted by slodave

1. Admiral Edward Russell's 17th-Century throwdown

Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.

The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

Dave

My old family Grog, recipe is actually this one, based on that story. I got it from my Dad who got it from the LaRousse French Cookbook. The story was that it was 12 y/o boys floating around in rosewood boats serving the drinks. This stuff is great and totally socially irresponsible. You serve it with a slice of peeled lemon and right out of the pot you can light it. I don't think someone could drink it for a week, your hammered after 2 or 3. By the way, you want to heat the wine (sauterne, instead of Malaga) lemon peel and I prefer crushed clove to nutmeg in a piece of cheese cloth, and heat. After hot, dump in the brandy and serve. If you dump the brandy in earlier, all the alcohol boils off. Don't smoke around this stuff, seriously.

[slodave]

Another night in Billings, we were hanging at a different bar. They offered $6.- pitchers of vodka-lemonade. That night, we had the back patio filled and everyone had there one pitcher. We drank the bar out of vodka. The owner had to go to other bars - the state stores were closed by this time and buy more vodka for the rest of the bar.

[id10t]

Found out one weekend with a friend of mine (he's now dead, pancreatic cancer and drank himself to death) that the more mushrooms you eat, the more tequila you can drink. Strangely enough, the more tequila you drink, the more mushrooms you can eat.

48 hours, one big paper grocery bag full of fungus, and 2 gallons of tequila. Haven't had tequila since.